The Passion of the Christ (all mighty - that's not a film for christmas) (1316 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.19 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Belle (View user info) at 2005-12-05 06:01:36 EST
It premiered last night on Sky Movies - The Passion of the Christ.
Ok, so I'm a bit late in seeing it - I missed the hype, but you see that's because I don't like to be swayed by the media and plus I wasn't about to pay to see it at the movies (that'd give me less money to donate to the church if I did right?).
Ten o'clock came around, the film started - I was torn between Nip Tuck and The Passion, and eventually Cartmans ravings about the film had me curious so I flipped over. I'd missed about 10 minutes but I thought "it's not like I don't know the story - I will probably be able to fill in the gaps everything I learnt at Sunday School".
I'd got the general gist:
Mary gets knocked up "without having sex",
She gives birth to a baby in a stable,
Three kings pop round and drop off some presents,
There's some stuff about a temple not being a good place to gamble in,
A prostitute is saved,
I think there is something about wine being blood (which is kinda gross),
And a bit of a chapter about making fish in breadcrumbs on a budget for a lot of people,
12 guys get picked to be specially buddies of JC,
But one of them is a shitbag and squeals to the cops,
Jesus gets arrested, and the Romans nail him to a cross and he dies - but its ok because he comes back a couple of days later.
Because of that, we all eat too much in December and there is something about a bunny at Easter.
I figured Christmas is coming so this is a good time to learn the story of our lord and saviour (or whatever - I was taping Nip Tuck), so I settled down, got a cup of tea and felt quite holy about Sunday night - I was going to kick back and enjoy a more grown up view of what its religion is all about.
Well, I didn't count on the film being made by a moron and fuck me if I wasn't blown away by the biggest pile of bollocks I have EVER seen (except Catwoman, which was on Saturday night).
There were a few things that I took issue with during the film, apart from the fact that the whole film was in subtitles - I don't think that Jesus would have appreciated that.
And, I thought that historians had proved that Jesus would have been nailed through the wrist - not the hands, or he'd have fallen off the cross... but there I was watching a nail being hammered through his palm. (And how come he couldn't carry the cross by himself, but he was strong enough to fight off the Romans pulling his hand to the ready made nail hole?).
Blood exploded everywhere, and for some reason there was a bald bird with an old midget walking around laughing occasionally. The midget freaked me out - and I don't think that's very Christian - abusing dwarfs and stuff.
Mary (mother of Jesus) seemed in love with her son, and stalked him - never allowing Mary Magdalene to get a look in (and we all know now thanks to the Da Vinci Code that she was the Messiahs missus). Unless Mary Magdalene was into feet - she seemed to kiss his feet a lot.
I can't say even that the film had its heart in the right place, and that it wasn't filmed very well. The whole idea of everything being a flash back made it seem a bit muddled (and I find that insulting to the lord).
As for the pointless violence - now, I'm all for that - in fact, that's what's made some films great - but this didn't really do anything. The blood was just there (thanks Mel, I get that he suffered - I kind of assumed that with the whole crucifixion thing), and it didn't need to be - the human imagination is perfectly capable of adding in our own worst fears when we can't see exactly what's going on. He didn't need to force feed us three swimming pools full of fake blood for us to get it.
Did I get the undertones? Maybe, maybe not - but I did go away thinking that possibly (although, it was very subtle) - Mel Gibson thought that the Jews had a lot to answer for, (way to help spread the "love thy enemy as well as your neighbour" message there Mel). Anyway, they're still waiting for their messiah, and I reckon that's punishment enough.
For some reason, I couldn't help singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" when the our lord was on the cross, and spurting tea through my nose when I saw the holes in Christ's hands after the resurrection (that was just fucking perfect).
I can't work out if I'm disgusted or amused.
Actually, I can't be bothered with being disgusted. This is just another one of those instances where the world has proved yet again that it's filled with moron's who'll pay money to see drivel, and then take it as gospel (I give you Dan Browns genius as another example).
On the whole (if you've scrolled down to get to the point) I'd strongly recommend that if you'd like to learn a little more about the story of Jesus, watch the Life of Brian for a more entertaining and unbiased view.
User Reviews
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate housework. I'd hire a made if Steve wouldn't get paranoid about his weed and everything.
Fact is I'd only be able to hire a maid if I lived alone, but then I wouldn't really need one because I don't make any mess (aprart from the hair obviously).
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 13:08:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
You sir, are a REAL man (except for the pathetic gay aversion to greasey water).
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Put the pots in last damn it. You're not helping when you just throw the pot in and beam at me. What do you want? Yes - you slopped water down my front - cheers for that.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-12-05 17:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Even though I'm a Christian, I did not go see this movie, and I won't be seeing this movie. And the reason is all the jackasses running around saying how "every Christian ought to see this movie." That puts up a red flag for me.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was tripping on cocaine and lsd, without eyelids when I watched that movie, and I still fell asleep.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-12-05 15:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-05 14:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE LAMP
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-05 13:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:54:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:40:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
If you're interpreting Da Vinci code as theological fact, you're sorely misled.
And the film was about the "passion" of the Christ - not an interpretation of his whole life. Based on solely his last seven days, it was accurate from a Biblical standpoint. And more realistic than most would prefer to acknowledge, with the gore and all.
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Where were you taught history you dumbass? Unless by accurate and realistic you mean "they used a lot of blood to cover up the holes", then yes - I suppose you're right.
The whole film was bollocks. As was the fucking da vinci Code (which was actually my point).
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I said it was accurate from a BIBLICAL standpoint, not a historical standpoint. The Bible doesn't go into petty details about where the nails went or whether a midget was taunting Him at his torture or any of the other insignificant things in the movie that you had issue with that don't really matter in the big picture.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-05 13:21:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I thought it sucked too. Mel Gibson is a hack.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-05 13:11:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
needs more rape.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 13:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You sir, are a REAL man (except for the pathetic gay aversion to greasey water).
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 13:06:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She and her hubby where visisting hubby's dad. He lived in the north so he only had an outside toilet, so when she has to pee (cause preggers laydeeees have to pee 8 times a day minimum) so she waddles out there. When she's in the tiny bog she squats over the bowl and prepares to squirt but goes into labour. Because she's verticle the baby digs it's wittle baby fingers into the walls of her uturus.
Anyway, she's lying on the toilet floor with her husband desperatly bashing the door against her as he tries to get in whilst she's having contractions which are tearing up her innards (even after she collapsed in a pool of wee).
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Babies have shit fingers. No way can they hold onto anything worth a damn.
I reckon labour is a reasonably painful process, but bottom line, it's designed to shit out baby aliens. That's the point. And babies' heads are soft - they have that bit at the back you can poke and everything.
Anyway, my point is... i've forgotten. But childbirth isn't that big a deal. I'm sure it's some female plot to make them appear macho and shit.
Yeah - housework probs. Though I vacuum, and I don't mind washing up when the water is warm. It's only when it goes greasy that it's minging.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:40:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
If you're interpreting Da Vinci code as theological fact, you're sorely misled.
And the film was about the "passion" of the Christ - not an interpretation of his whole life. Based on solely his last seven days, it was accurate from a Biblical standpoint. And more realistic than most would prefer to acknowledge, with the gore and all.
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Where were you taught history you dumbass? Unless by accurate and realistic you mean "they used a lot of blood to cover up the holes", then yes - I suppose you're right.
The whole film was bollocks. As was the fucking da vinci Code (which was actually my point).
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As for you guys discussing the equivalent of giving birth for men - I'd say housework.
It seems to cause you all a lot of pain and suffering, and after doing it once (with a lot of pushing and shoving from your partner) you refuse to ever do it again and then cite it constantly to stop arguments.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If you're interpreting Da Vinci code as theological fact, you're sorely misled.
And the film was about the "passion" of the Christ - not an interpretation of his whole life. Based on solely his last seven days, it was accurate from a Biblical standpoint. And more realistic than most would prefer to acknowledge, with the gore and all.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 12:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well that's the point isn't it? A child literally tears a pussy inside out. Hell, I remember one of my commuting buddies telling me this story of her second daughters birth.
She and her hubby where visisting hubby's dad. He lived in the north so he only had an outside toilet, so when she has to pee (cause preggers laydeeees have to pee 8 times a day minimum) so she waddles out there. When she's in the tiny bog she squats over the bowl and prepares to squirt but goes into labour. Because she's verticle the baby digs it's wittle baby fingers into the walls of her uturus.
Anyway, she's lying on the toilet floor with her husband desperatly bashing the door against her as he tries to get in whilst she's having contractions which are tearing up her innards (even after she collapsed in a pool of wee).
It's ok, they removed the door with a screwdriver after 20 minutes and mother and baby survived.
Point is though that a kidney stone is jagged and can cause you to piss blood for a week after ripping you up, the same is true for a baby.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:48:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:45:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
blah blah blah... the male equivelent childbirth. Which is not kidney stones btw.
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What is it?
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I'm gonna say constipation. It's the same thing. You grit your teeth, curse the bastard greek who gave you his dodgy meat, grab the toilet roll tightly and just blast it out your O ring. You have to synchronise when to breathe etc - or run the risk of 'blow out.'
Kidney stones are hard and unyielding, and are not designed to leave the uretha. Hence - no comparison.
In fact, kidney stones are just some female sick joke. OUT OF MY JAP'S EYE? No thanks.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:45:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
blah blah blah... the male equivelent childbirth. Which is not kidney stones btw.
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What is it?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't blame her mind, it's hard to maintain a executive job, a boy toy and suffer a little abdominal pain every month.
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Berty, you are not wrong. And childbirth is a piece of piss too. Seriously - women go on about it, but if it were a bloke thing we'd watch the football while doing it, or play on the playstation. I reckon I could beat Belle at Pro Evo 5 while undergoing the male equivelent childbirth. Which is not kidney stones btw.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Belle, don't look at me. I'm not a 12th century priest.
Although women are like cat's in that they don't have real emotions beyond short term lust for food, rape and shelter. Hence why more women cheat than men.
Bizarrly there's that modern day shift where men are the one's with the long term emotional attatchment to children and what have you and the women are there letting their four year old pass out in the living room in front of the TV so they can screw their boyfriend in private. Whereas the modern man will spend his month agonising over how to spend it with his son on access week, the mother only changes the kids clothes when 'it' starts to smell.
Can't blame her mind, it's hard to maintain a executive job, a boy toy and suffer a little abdominal pain every month.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:29:03 (#)
Ranking: -1
reviewed a hundred times when it got out. thank you for your opinion, it's the first one like that.
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No problem. Mwah!
(god anyone would think you didn't like me).
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"hey jesus, when you coming back man?"
"as soon as i can play the fucking piano."
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:30:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Men were scared of women (and still are from what I can see), we're mysterious, clever and manipulative... and because we don't think like you, you don't get it so you make us appear the weaker of the sexes.
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Mind you, I can also piss standing up and don't have to go in a group. And don't say it's to chat about men, coz I can chat about women without having to go stand where it smells most pissy.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
reviewed a hundred times when it got out. thank you for your opinion, it's the first one like that.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:26:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Men were scared of women (and still are from what I can see), we're mysterious, clever and manipulative... and because we don't think like you, you don't get it so you make us appear the weaker of the sexes.
If we're honest though - without us, you lot would have nothing except things that go very fast or bang.
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It's always been a male problem than when we're with a woman we go very fast and bang.
Women are somewhat mystical. Life from the womb etc. Gaian myths, and look how the virgin mary was devalued over time. Da Vinci code etc.
Lack of understanding = confusion = fear = anger
generally.
That and the bleeding all the time and NOT dying. That's just fucked up.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That is quite possibly the most fucked up reasoning behind women being devalued as human beings that I have ever heard.
We're less valuable because we die?
Well fuck you buddy (and I don't hold that word in the highest regard) - guess what - you men die too, and more often than not its in the most stupid way, like fighting over a 1 metre square patch of scrub land, or because you can't let that bear look at you like that and get away with it.
Men were scared of women (and still are from what I can see), we're mysterious, clever and manipulative... and because we don't think like you, you don't get it so you make us appear the weaker of the sexes.
If we're honest though - without us, you lot would have nothing except things that go very fast or bang.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:14:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you've got to put it in historical context.
Lets take a trip back in time to the day's of old.
Now, you're advanced ancient civilisations like the Romans and your Greeks had baths and cleanliness (a bit) and didn't live in abject filth. Not so much your Europeans during the dark ages and your middle eastern types shorty afterwards. Back in them days if you stuck your cock in a laydee you'd probably give her a urinary tract infection, hence why busting the hymen was seen as a bad thing. In any case you'd end with a baby and we all know that in olden times birds where only good for a few kids before they bled to death in childbirth. Passing a slimy sprog was much more dangerous in them days.
That's why you end up with these funny rules, like not eating pork. In olden times, it was hard to preserve meat and pork particularly would go off in the heat. Those rules about bleeding meat are similar.
Also it's important to remember that fact about women dying in childbirth a lot. Childbirth is a messy, painful and dangerous ordeal. So women where less valued as people, what with them dying with the pregnancy shit.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:11:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I saw that and giggled myself.
Hey, I doesn't say you have to use a spell check or pay attention though does it?
:)
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 11:06:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But, WHY... why, why, why would you make it wrong for your guys (and yourself) to have relations with women?
Even men that hate women like to get a little luvvin' now and then...
>>>This demonstrates one of the things we *really* value women for. Love, sex, in whatever combination. By denying you, you devalue it.
If I was setting up a religion, Mondays would be a holy day - along with Saturday and Sunday, and every fourth friday of the month.
>>>
Amen
My commandments would be:
Thou shalt not kill
Thou shalt not steal (unless its lying a little bit on your insurance claim)
Thou shalt not commit adultery (unless the other partner is quite into that and its a lifestyle choice)
Thou shalt not be an ass
Thou shalt not be illiterate
Thou shalt not be ignorrant
>>>You spelt ignorant incorrectly. And that made me laugh.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 10:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
See this is the thing I don't understand.
If you are a man right, and you are setting up a massive power base for you and all your manly friends - yeah?
Well, I can understand if you hate women why you'd set it up so that they were subjugated (scaredy cats).
And, I could understand you setting it up so that everyone was afraid of doing anything a little bit naughty...
But, WHY... why, why, why would you make it wrong for your guys (and yourself) to have relations with women?
Even men that hate women like to get a little luvvin' now and then...
And don't start with the they were ghey argument, because they made that wrong too.
It just seems pretty stupid to me.
If I was setting up a religion, Mondays would be a holy day - along with Saturday and Sunday, and every fourth friday of the month.
My commandments would be:
Thou shalt not kill
Thou shalt not steal (unless its lying a little bit on your insurance claim)
Thou shalt not commit adultery (unless the other partner is quite into that and its a lifestyle choice)
Thou shalt not be an ass
Thou shalt not be illiterate
Thou shalt not be ignorrant
Thou shalt realise that sick jokes are just that - JOKES
Thou shalt not park in anothers parking space
Thou shalt pick up your dogs shit from the pavement
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 10:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I look like a monkey. :(
It's all about power. It could even be argued that massive organised religion was neccesary once upon a time, but not anymore.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 10:44:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 10:41:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
No, but I think on the whole the world would be a nicer place if everyone got a good seeing to every now and then.
I think a lot of the problems in the world are sex related.
We say "religion" but what we really mean is a load of men who don't get any (for whatever reason - be it because their religion won't let them or they're stupid and look like monkeys [GWBush]).
If all these men were out there acting like santa (emptying his sacks - hahaha yes, I went there - a christmas related sex joke), then I'm sure the planet would be better off.
I'm telling you - watch out for the day after GW has had a bit, he's like a different person. All fluffiness and light.
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Is that why the germans are so aggressive with regards to the french? All the shizer games getting them down?
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 10:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, but I think on the whole the world would be a nicer place if everyone got a good seeing to every now and then.
I think a lot of the problems in the world are sex related.
We say "religion" but what we really mean is a load of men who don't get any (for whatever reason - be it because their religion won't let them or they're stupid and look like monkeys [GWBush]).
If all these men were out there acting like santa (emptying his sacks - hahaha yes, I went there - a christmas related sex joke), then I'm sure the planet would be better off.
I'm telling you - watch out for the day after GW has had a bit, he's like a different person. All fluffiness and light.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 10:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd be far more likely to become a christian if it preached oral sex.
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Is your Albanian love slave reluctant?
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 10:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:46:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
1. I hate christians. They killed more of my people than the tsunami
2. this is so last <year, 2000 years, whatever>
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You know, of all the reveiws so far, this is the one I most agree with.
It is so last 2000 years...
Come on Mel - if you want to be inspiring be original!!!
(and also, where the fuck were the wise men? Where were the miracles... what? you left them out because the bible might not be historically accurate... but surely the rest of the story could be bullshit then).
I like James Bible. Apparently Jesus had a brother - he was called James (Mary had a thing for J names - he might have had a sister called Jenny), and he left christianity in his hands.
James and Mary Magdalenes hands - and they found a bible from them, and it says jesus would often kiss Mary on the ....
We don't know what the next word is, but I like to think that it was "snatch".
I'd be far more likely to become a christian if it preached oral sex.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1. I hate christians. They killed more of my people than the tsunami
2. this is so last <year, 2000 years, whatever>
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:24:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus was a dude who died, that's all.
Christ is a lie, created to tame the weak-minded.
If you are crusified you die from asphixiation (sp?) the weight is too much for you daiphragm to sustain.
I could be making this all up.
Stir that in your tea for a while.
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Religion - some good things, some bad things. Tends to be a crux in a crisis for folks.
Crucifixition does (if memory serves) cause you to asphixiate and die of exhaustion etc.
Really I just wanted to say 'stir that in your tea for a while' is cool.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus was a dude who died, that's all.
Christ is a lie, created to tame the weak-minded.
If you are crusified you die from asphixiation (sp?) the weight is too much for you daiphragm to sustain.
I could be making this all up.
Stir that in your tea for a while.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-05 09:01:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When that movie first came out, local churches actually put up billborads commanding you to see the movie. I can also remember the local news reporters interviewing crying people coming out of the theater.
It's only a movie.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-05 08:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
After years of church and Catholic school, I'm still trying to come to grips with what I believe and what I don't. Having said that, I will definitely concede that while I do believe that Jesus did exist as a man, his death as a martyr was not necessarily any more brutal than that of 100 others. His deity? Who fuckin' knows? I'm not ashamed to say that I did recieve some inspiration from the film. God or no, the man raged.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:58:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:48:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have had White Rabbit.
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Jefferson Airplane - quality.
Or it could have been a fear and loathing reference.
Regardless.
Nice.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have had White Rabbit.
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:36:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the picture is nice
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:17:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Film was gash, though I think it was supposed to be inspiring... maybe they should have played the Chariots of Fire theme when Jesus was lugging the cross or something.
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That music from the Benny Hill show perhaps?
Did they play music when they were nailing jesus to the cross? I can't stand Mel Gibson - except when he was in the Thunderdome. TWO MEN ENTER. ONE MAN LEAVE!
If I was going to nail things into someone, I reckon you'd need some mood music.
Nine Inch Nails - no points for that though.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:57:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
The film sucked cock. I'm surprised that Gibson didn't decide to change things a bit and have some English invaders come across and kill Jesus instead of the Romans, just like we did that peace loving, would be pacifist William Wallace.
There's more accuracy in the Marvel Comics Universe than Mel Gibsons.
Also, he has a girls name.
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He has my mums name the bastard. (I mean gibsons a bastard not my dear old ma).
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are some of the most surreal reviews I've ever read on a post
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:17:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Film was gash, though I think it was supposed to be inspiring... maybe they should have played the Chariots of Fire theme when Jesus was lugging the cross or something.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 07:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:57:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
The film sucked cock. I'm surprised that Gibson didn't decide to change things a bit and have some English invaders come across and kill Jesus instead of the Romans, just like we did that peace loving, would be pacifist William Wallace.
There's more accuracy in the Marvel Comics Universe than Mel Gibsons.
Also, he has a girls name.
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I think Mel's ok, he was ace in Mad Max. Gingers are ace but they have nothing to do with Jesus.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:58:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:56:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
SOme of my best mates are ginger, and all the women I have ever loved have either been real or synthetic red heads.
I never realised that untill today. Heavy.
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I don't hold the ginger thing against people. But I know a bloke who saves all of his hair because of his gingerness. He looks like Professor X - only without your wheelchair Berty.
Otherwise, why do we pick on the gingers?
I'll tell you why - it's like with Sharks and Snakes - you look at them and a bit of your subconscious tells you 'look out - danger'
And your subconscious is right.
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:57:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude! Does that mean my dad is part Messiah? You know, with him being a red head and all. Man, that's fucked up! I better start paying him some respect then, eh?
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The film sucked cock. I'm surprised that Gibson didn't decide to change things a bit and have some English invaders come across and kill Jesus instead of the Romans, just like we did that peace loving, would be pacifist William Wallace.
There's more accuracy in the Marvel Comics Universe than Mel Gibsons.
Also, he has a girls name.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SOme of my best mates are ginger, and all the women I have ever loved have either been real or synthetic red heads.
I never realised that untill today. Heavy.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:47:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
the da vince code states very clearly that it RED HEADS who carry the christ genetic material.
don't be fooled by that swarthy arab stuff. italy is full of red heads, i was suprised to discover. as is turkey. and china.
AND WE ARE ALL MESSIANICALLY EQUIPPED.
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I'm glad i'm not christian. No fucking way am I gonna start worshipping the period heads.
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woops
unaccustomed to this ratings lark
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the da vince code states very clearly that it RED HEADS who carry the christ genetic material.
don't be fooled by that swarthy arab stuff. italy is full of red heads, i was suprised to discover. as is turkey. and china.
AND WE ARE ALL MESSIANICALLY EQUIPPED.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:47:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:44:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
There where no Ginger people in Jesus's country. This was before sun tan lotion. THink about it, they'd all get cancer and die.
Anyway, Mary would have been an arab and arabs aren't ginger.
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A country without gingers?
THE PROMISED LAND.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There where no Ginger people in Jesus's country. This was before sun tan lotion. THink about it, they'd all get cancer and die.
Anyway, Mary would have been an arab and arabs aren't ginger.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So, what you're saying is that the Da Vinci Code was all about Jesus loving a Ginge, and not that he had kids?
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
did she have red hair?
that was a KEY aspect to the da vinci code revelations
but i bet mel went for the 'realistic' dark and swarthy types
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:18:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have put in more eroticism in the Mary Magdalene scene as well. Like, given Jesus a hard on.
I mean she washed his feet with her hair. I don't care who you are, if a whore washes your feet with her hair then it's exciting, especially if all your mates are watching. I'd have gotten rid of the scene in the market place though, it was out of charachter when I read it in the bible.
Have you ever seen Fitz the Cat? There's this bit where he goes to the crows (negros) and incites a riot, he means well but he ends up causing a load of people to end up dead. I would have made it like that with curbstompings and little kids being torn away from their mummy and crying as she's stoned by angry Jesus' boys. Now that would be a message.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:11:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought that it needed some more blood. Definitely more blood.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-05 06:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That film needed more V8 Interceptor.