The big list of things you really don't care about, but I'm still posting. (1386 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.82 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beer_bong (View user info) at 2005-12-05 16:08:15 EST
I really want to have sex with a midget. I can't explain it, I just do. Perhaps its a side effect of years of pedophilia.
I always say, "I like squid." but I really don't.
I love masturbating outdoors, but don't really like sex outdoors.
I played hockey all through high school, but haven't even stepped on the ice since.
I had a streak of 8 straight shutouts. (I was a goalie.)
I punt cats whenever they come near me, but if they jump into my lap first, I just pet it.
My love for the Cleveland Indians stemmed from a bet with my grandpa over the '95 ALCS.
Penguins are the greatest animal ever. And the "Madagascar" penguins are fantasmic.
Bunnies are the cutest thing ever. I look at the "Save Toby" website everytime I need cheering up.
The CD player in my truck is haunted. It randomly turns itself up, scratches CD's so only 1 song will be fucked up, and told me to kill 15 virgins.
I've gone to the mall to get a new cellphone 3 times, and have yet to buy one.
My house doesn't have a couch. Just 3 recliners, and an oversized beanbag chair.
We have a 60 inch T.V., $700 stereo system, every gaming console availible, 5 disc DVD player and 4 nice computers. Yet, none of us have thought to buy a coffee table.
I live with a girl I've known all my life, Jesse, a gay black dude, Jeff, and another girl who is obsessed with the play "Rent", Rosemary. She already owns a bootleg copy of the movie.
Jesse and I have slept together thousands of times, but have never had sex. Neither of us likes sleeping alone. We sleep together even when we're dating someone.
The movie "Saw" had the best ending I've ever seen. Total "Holy Shit" moment.
I take my own putter when I go miniature golfing.
I have a 12 handicap. I've had 2 eagles in my life, both on the same par 4 hole. 330 yards with the last 80 downhill. A good bounce and you might be able to ace it.
I've only gone to my history 5 times in the last 10 weeks.
When I was young, I fell asleep on my moms bed and when I woke up I saw my mom and her boyfriend fucking on my bed. I slept on the couch for the next 2 years.
No matter who I get pot from, I can never find anything as good as what my mom gets. I have one of her friends go buy some for me every once in a while.
I love poker. Nothing makes me feel as alive as playing. It gets intense. I'm quite proud of my skills, and have enough money saved to take a Vegas trip when I'm 21 to play in a couple of World Series events. I'll die a happy man if I can walk away with a bracelet on my wrist.
I wear a silver chain with a sharktooth on it at all times.
I've never smoked anything other than Camels. Nor do I want to.
I don't shave my naughty bits, but I do keep everything trimmed. I have a special clipper for it.
My balls itch.
I get drunk and buy stupid shit online. Ask BLinkish, she's had to talk me out of stupid shit via MSN more than once.
I have almost a full gig of porn of my harddrive. None of which I've payed for.
I will only use Maxfli Noodle golf balls. I don't know why, but thats the way I am.
On the first tee at a golf course I always use a white tee. On the last hole I always use an orange tee.
My uncle bought me a bowling ball 2 years ago. I've never even taken it out of the bag. The finger holes aren't even drilled in it yet.
I flick my knuckles over my nose when it itches. It makes a flapping noise.
In my house, if you want a beer, get a beer. You want a bong, take a bong. But if you want something to eat other than ketchup, you're fucked.
I prefer charcoal grills for the flavor, but I use propane for the convenience.
I want to take a nap. But I'm using my lunch break to type this.
See, cute as hell.
User Reviews
Submitted by KillerCowz (user info) at 2005-12-08 12:30:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool...
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because i just bought a ton of shit i don't need online
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for mentioning me!
Seriously though, you have got to stop buying stupid shit you don't need. It'll take away from the come to my house and party fund. New years is soon!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:02:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have almost a full gig of porn of my harddrive. None of which I've payed for.
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Standard
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
How can you not like sex outdoors
Are you some kind of freak?
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.babyanimalz.com
cutest bunny ever
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-05 18:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-12-05 17:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You should have quit while you were ahead...in 2004.
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and Rosemary Probably has AIDS
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha. thats awesome. I have a save toby background.
Submitted by Short-n-Sweet (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've gone to the mall to get a new cellphone 3 times, and have yet to buy one.
****
That sounds like my boyfriend.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"I flick my knuckles over my nose when it itches. It makes a flapping noise."
huh?
how does one flick their knuckles? on their nose? thereby making flapping noises?
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are one mixed up kid. +2 for camels.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and I vow to not quit smoking until Denis Leary does.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was young, I fell asleep on my moms bed and when I woke up I saw my mom and her boyfriend fucking on my bed. I slept on the couch for the next 2 years.
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OWNED!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Flanders:
Y'know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly, but, uh, you know, what
the hey, you know ... kinda reminds me of my good ole
fraternity days.
Homer: D'oh! Oh my God! He's enjoying it!
Dead Putting Society
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-12-05 16:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My favorite one so far.