How a man can buy lingerie without freaking out and without the help of a woman. (slightly NSFW) (1894 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.55 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Quale (View user info) at 2005-12-05 19:27:49 EST
I really like lingerie. Actually scratch that, I love lingerie, when it's on a sexy looking lady. Especially when they're posing, yummy. All the curves are in the right place and if they have a cheeky thong on, you can't help but feel they're a dirty little minx. It's fan-bloody-tastic. However, stick some bras and knickers on a rack and all mental reason flies out of the window. Do you touch them or not? I mean, are you even allowed? So many questions!
It's always a good idea at the time, suggesting to buy your girlfriend lingerie for Christmas. The trouble is, like all men, when you say you're going to do something, sooner or later, you're going to have to live up to it. It can't be that hard either, if you're armed with a reasonably good knowledge of your lovely lady's measurements and a wadful of cash. For me, it was a bit of a chore but (finger crossed) it'll be worth it.
The first time I suggested it to my girlfriend she laughed her ass off. I waited until she picked her head off from the floor as well before putting on my "serious" face. I said I'd do it and damn right I did! But it wasn't that easy, because the first time I went, it went a little pear shaped. I went into town specifically for the lingerie, took a deep breath before I entered the shop (much to the amusement of a shop assistant) and just freaked out.
There was no other way to describe it. I saw all these pretty garments that protect a girl's most precious bits and all mental cognition gave out in my useless male brain. Underwear in pink, light blue, purple, black, white, red and peach all fused into one. I mumbled something to a nearby shop assistant who pointed me in the direction of their Strictly Bedroom collection. Bad move. Now there wasn't only just bras and thongs but basques, twinkles, camis, suspenders, French knickers, babydolls, briefs, lace cuffs, bustiers, hold ups, stockings and kimonos swimming in my mind. Even some toddler in a pushchair was looking at me funny. I walked swiftly out (again, much to the amusement of the aforementioned shop assistant) and didn't stop until my car. I needed to skate it off.
I came up with a plan of attack: go in during the weekday when it's not so busy, don't talk to anyone, find something that looks good and get the hell out. I took some time off work today, jumped in my car and sped off to the mall. I spent *gasp* ten whole minutes in the store, totally calm, without that bitch of a shop assistant staring at me. I bought a lovely little number, well, I'd like to think so. The trouble was getting from an almost full shopping centre with a lingerie bag in my hand. Fuck it, I'd got this far. Out I walked, proud of my purchase.
There's a lesson to be learnt here. Buy your girlfriend's damn underwear online.
Guess which set I got her.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-06 15:38:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-12-05 21:03:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:35:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
well, you know JonnyX gots to be all over the lingerie thing, though I'm not too fond of Victoria's Secret, hard to find my size in there...
------
Still pretending to be female. Too funny.
-------
who said I was pretending to be female?
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-06 04:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll be honest, I skipped straight to the women.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 04:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How charming.
on a serious note though, you shouldn't respond to criticism. It's terribly undignified. Zak didn't like your post, just accept it and move on.
Submitted by Quale (user info) at 2005-12-06 04:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In the end I got her the blue set. It was a bit pricier than I would've liked but she's worth it.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny story , i like the 2 top ones. The black and pink lace and the red thingy
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:17:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the red nightie.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a suggestion for your next trip: grow a fucking pair of balls. Be proud to buy shit like that for your lady. Its proof that not only does your pathetic ass have a girlfriend, but you actually fuck her too. Stand tall, stand proud, and buy some fucking panties!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-05 23:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A real man buys lingerie with a wry smile on his face and a fistful of twenties.
Is there a reason to be embarrassed going into a lingerie store? I can't think of one.
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2005-12-05 23:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I really like lingerie. Actually scratch that,"
Scratch-n-sniff lingerie? hmmmmmm
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-12-05 22:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you got the blue.
For some reason, guys always go for blue (usually darker though) and women don't.
Well written.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-12-05 22:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
why not
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-05 22:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why were you embarrased to walk out of the Mall with a lingerie bag?
Agent Provocateur
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-12-05 21:03:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:35:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
well, you know JonnyX gots to be all over the lingerie thing, though I'm not too fond of Victoria's Secret, hard to find my size in there...
------
Still pretending to be female. Too funny.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-12-05 20:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
every time I shop for my girlfriend's lingerie online I end up in another jackoff session.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-12-05 20:41:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Anything with female undergarments catches my attention.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-05 20:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mind Zakalwe. He gets bitter whenever anyone else posts pictures of women.
He thinks he's the Pornmaster of Ubersite.
I liked your story.
Submitted by Quale (user info) at 2005-12-05 20:01:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:49:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
DURR HURR HURR
--------------------
Googled image of above phrase. This is the first thing I got:
http://don.ereet.st/lickitbitch.jpg
Seems incredibly apt.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
black and hot pink
cute story
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:49:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DURR HURR HURR
Submitted by Quale (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:29:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
I've never seen a flimsier excuse for some soft porn hitwhoring.
fuck off.
------------------
Actually, a lot of your older posts have flimiser excuses. Plus, if I wanted soft porn, I probably wouldn't have got these pictures from a lingerie website. Ya think about that?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, you know JonnyX gots to be all over the lingerie thing, though I'm not too fond of Victoria's Secret, hard to find my size in there...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Learn to be more comfortable in your own skin while shopping for that sort of thing.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ps: you picked the blue ones, because she doesn't exist.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-05 19:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've never seen a flimsier excuse for some soft porn hitwhoring.
fuck off.