Giving middle school girl soccer players what they deserve (1427 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.92 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (View user info) at 2005-12-06 00:43:52 EST
I've never played tennis before, so you can understand why I would choose to join the tennis team my senior year of high school. Just about everyone of my friends played so I figured "what the hell." Being a senior automatically granted me immunity and though I only played in one exhibition match, I was only around for 3 matches.
It is important for you to know that the "tennis coach" was a 29 year old pot head asian guy who didn't give a flying fuck what went down as long as no one found out about it. As you can imagine this lead to many tennis matches that would end in total chaos and heavy drinking.
Heading to a match to a school none of us had ever been to before we, in short, got lost. Travelling down an long highway, which was leading us in the wrong direction, we passed a friendly and competitive game of girls soccer. Turning around in a restaurant parking lot after getting directions to the school Coach decided to get serious.
"When we pass that soccer game, I want an ass in every window"
And so we went, like lambs to the slaughter. I mean, it seemed like a great idea. No one would know it was us.
Passing that soccer game, all 12 of the regulation sized school bus windows we asstified. As my asian coach laid on the horn, I glanced over my shoulder to see the players, coaches, parents and the superintendent of their school system standing with their mouthes wide open in complete shock.
Did they call the cops? Oh yes, yes they did. The cop did little more than lecture us and be on his way and we had all figured we had heard the last of it.
Hell no.
Entering school the next day I was sent to the office. We had neglected to notice that on the side of the bus it has the name of our county and school system writen out. As luck would have it, we were the only team in the area from our system there that day. Meeting with my partners in crime it was decided who would take the fall and I was among the ones to man up. I was sentenced to 25 hours of community service. But that was fine as I spent most of it hanging out with with a rasta janitor known only as "Pitbull."
Also I had to write a letter of apology that I signed only as "3rd Window from the Back" and it rhymed in couplets.
User Reviews
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-03-25 18:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Average (but interesting) until:
'Also I had to write a letter of apology that I signed only as "3rd Window from the Back" and it rhymed in couplets.'
Lost the +2 with the .bmp
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-06 16:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My soccer team did this while at state tournaments, up and down the highway as we travelled to fields for games. apparently no one was offended by our asses or we just didn't get caught.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-06 15:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
bmp
cry
jeebus
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-06 12:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
eh...
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-06 09:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't even read the post, just +2 for the pic, even if it's a bitmap.
And +2 again for the name.
And +2 because when I was in middle school I was the same size I am now (6'2", 200-ish) and all the other middle school soccer players were not. It didn't matter that I knew absolutely nothing about soccer.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-06 06:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The "moon" is a vastly underrated form of shenanigan. I, for one, am a massive fan.
Tragically, my mooning career was cut short by the heinous amount of hair which now covers both cheeks.
Unusually hairy arse = easy identification
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-06 06:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"3rd Window from the Back"
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 04:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mooning from a moving car is one of those things. It's not very nice and no one wants to see your pasty rear flapping in the wind, but it's not that bad. I mean, pulling your pants down whilst standing on a flat bed and holding your dick in your hands screaming "Ah'm gonna rape jooo!" is generally considered far worse.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-12-06 02:10:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"When we pass that soccer game, I want an ass in every window"
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The world needs to laugh a litle more sheesh.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:16:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
man, i don't even know how not to make it .bmp
and the Q calls me like a siren
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Try opening it in MS Paint and then saving it as a .jpg Usually works for me.
Q! Q! We love the Q!
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
man, i don't even know how not to make it .bmp
and the Q calls me like a siren
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:08:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
.bmp files still make the baby jeebus cry though.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:08:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:58:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:52:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
I changed my mind. I just saw something better than this post floating in my toilet.
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tsk tsk, retaliatory -2
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Yeah, well, I'm sick, can't sleep and I'm hopped up on the Q. NyQuil we love you, you giant fucking Q!
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-12-06 01:07:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hehehe, wow nice battle between you two!
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:52:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
I changed my mind. I just saw something better than this post floating in my toilet.
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tsk tsk, retaliatory -2
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I changed my mind. I just saw something better than this post floating in my toilet.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
brady had some smokin hotty on his arm for awhile.
cant really agree with you on that one.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-06 00:44:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, but .bmp files make the baby jeebus cry.