You're gonna win f*ck all, tra la la la lar (2847 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.23 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Belle (View user info) at 2005-12-06 11:07:28 EST
I was reading the paper this morning, and after I re-thinking my cunning plan to get a big fat pay off from the NHS.
(A woman took an overdose of co-proxomol, and then her husband found her and called an ambulance. Fair enough - the story so far is plausible. Then it starts to get a little messed up - you see the ambulance got lost, and instead of getting there in 10 minutes, they took 30 and she suffered brain damage... so they paid her 2.4million. Now, I'm not going to get into the rights and wrongs of this (and in my opinion there are far more wrongs) but I thought you'd all like to know - especially if you're already a bit deficient in the IQ department and need a few quid).
But, that's not what this post is about - that's a side line to the reason I am posting.
Today, I'm posting about football chants - and there is a good reason that both of these subjects appear in this post - they were right after each other in the newspaper.
I am just doing a bit of survey as to what everyone's fav. footy chants are... I'm not sure if the Americans have them, but we certainly do, and we're very funny - like for instance when Scottish fans found out that a goalie had schizophrenia, they started to chant "there's only two Andy Goram, there's only two Andy Goooooraaaams..." which I think is totally inspired.
I've got some other favourites - like West Hams ingenious use of "We're shit and we know we are... " the year that they were relegated, and the time when some naff team were playing Chelsea (scum) and they got a little bored during the match. Someone started to play with a blow up ball and it landed on the pitch. The Stewards took it away and wouldn't give it back - so the fans sang "Greedy, Greedy Chelsea".
One of my all time favourites has to be this though:
(to the tune of You are my sunshine).
You are a Scouser,
An ugly Scouser,
You're only happy,
On Giro day.
Your mum's out thieving,
Your dad's drug-dealing,
So please don't take my hubcaps away.
You look in the dustbin for something to eat,
You find a dead rat and you think it's a treat,
In your Liverpool slums
In your Liverpool slums,
You shit on the carpet, you piss in the bath,
You finger your grandma, and think its a laugh,
In your Liverpool slums.
In your Liverpool slums,
You speak in an accent exceedingly rare,
You wear a pink tracksuit and have curly hair,
In your Liverpool slums.
In your Liverpool slums,
Your mum's on the game and your dad's in the nick,
You can't get a job 'cos you're too fucking thick,
In your Liverpool slums.
He's only a poor little scouser,
His face is all battered and torn,
He made me feel sick,
So I hit him with a brick,
And now he don't sing anymore.
oh... and:
We all follow the Arsenal,
Over land and sea, (and Leicester!)
We all follow the Arsenal,
Onto victory!
I really do think that that is my favourite, but I genuinely do care what your favourite is.
User Reviews
Submitted by Gibbo (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's only one Graham Rix
Only one Graham Rix
With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile
Rix is a fucking paedophile
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
also particularly like:
ooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOAH
YOU'RE SHIT AAAAAAAH
and:
ooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOAH
YOU FAT BASTARD
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
To dutch teams:
All your cheeses
All your cheeses
All your cheeses taste the same
All your cheeses taste the same
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Last one I promise:
I cant read, I can't write,
but that dont really matter.
cause I'm a Norwich City fan,
and I can drive a tractor!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's only one Arsene Wenger
One Arsene Wenger
With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile
Wenger is a fucking paedophile
-------------
Oi Wenger
Leave those kids alone
============
I love football chants. Fucking hilarious.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:00:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's that team they call the Arsenal?
Who's that team the Greeks adore?
They're the girls in red and white
And they are a load of shite
And Ian Wright's mother is a whore
Who's got a big fat wife
Who's got a big fat wife
Ian Wright, Ian Wright
He's got a big fat wife
Who's got an ugly wife
Who's got an ugly wife
Ian Wright, Ian Wright
He's got an ugly wife
Ian Wank, Wank, Wank
Ian Wank, Wank, Wank
Ian Wright is illegitimate
He ain't got no birth certificate
He's got aids and can't get rid of it
He's an Arsenal bastard
When I was a little boy
My mother bought me a brand new toy
Ian Wright on a string
She told me to kick his fucking head in
Fucking head in
Fucking head in
She told me to kick his fucking head in
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 06:58:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna be a Scuba Diver
AnD I wanna heve a 69er
With the girl that I love the best
Many a night I sucked her breast Fucked her standing
Fucked her lying
But now she's dead
But not forgotten
Dug her up and fucked her rotten
Now you're invited
To White Hart Lane
To have a row
Arsenal
WE HATE ARSENAL AND WE HATE ARSENAL
WE HATE ARSENAL AND WE HATE ARSENAL
WE HATE ARSENAL AND WE HATE ARSENAL
WE ARE THE ARSENAL HATERS
--------
Showing Tottenhams surrealist creativity.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 06:56:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One yid went to war, went to war with Arsenal,
One yid and his baseball bat went to war with Arsenal.
...
Two yids went to war, went to war with Arsenal,
Two yids, One yid and his baseball bat went to war with Arsenal.
...
Three yids went to war, went to war with Arsenal,
Three Yids, Two yids, One yid and his baseball bat went to war with Arsenal.
...
Four Yids went to war, went to war with Arsenal,
Four Yids, Three Yids, Two yids, One yid and his baseball bat went to war with Arsenal.
Submitted by Gibbo (user info) at 2005-12-07 06:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my favourite was when the De Boers were playing for Rangers
"Ones called Ronald, ones called Frank. One missed a penalty the other ones a wank"
or
"Cheer up Alex McLiesh oh what can it mean to a sad orange bastard and a shite football team" to the tune of Day dreab believer
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 06:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was just a little boy
I asked my mother what sould I be
Should I be Arsenal, should I be Spurs?
Here's what she said to me:
Wash your mouth out son
And go get your father's gun
We'll shoot the Arsenal scum
Shoot the Arsenal scum !
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 06:53:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chim chiminee, chim chiminee
Chim churoo
Jurgen was a German
But now he's a Jew
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-07 06:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All the Man Utd fans, they went to see the Pope
All the Man Utd fans, they went to see the Pope
All the Man Utd fans, they went to see the Pope
And this is what he said: FUCK OFF
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-12-07 01:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know about chants but when the US were in the Rugby World Cup I saw a banner that I quite liked:
"Welcome to a REAL World Series you bloody Yanks!"
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-06 17:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oops, that second one is over 30 megs. idiots and their wav files.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-06 17:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Could be worse, O-tron. He could have been playing one of these:
http://www.bengals.com/store/bengals.wma
http://theanimalcrackers.com/FearDaTigerMastered.wav
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-06 17:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This seems like a post for non-americans
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-06 16:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oldest picture known to man and internet.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-06 15:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I will say...Original Recipe Football™ has American Football beat, hands down, in terms of songs, cheers, taunts, etc.
Allow me to submit an American version of what you're talking about.
Weep for its simplicity.
(Verse)
Miami has the Dolphins,
The greatest football team!
We take the ball from goal to goal,
Like no one's ever seen!
We're in the air,
We're on the ground,
We're always in control.
So when you say Miami,
You're talking Super Bowl!
(Chorus 1)
Cause we're the Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins Number 1.
(Chorus 2)
Yes we're the Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins,
Miami Dolphins Number 1.
(Repeat)
A guy I roomed with in college used to play this every weekend before watching the Dolphins play. Every. Weekend. It's a wonder I never killed him, really.
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2005-12-06 14:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when the ball hits the net
and the clubs out of debt
thats zamora
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2005-12-06 14:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Always look on the runway for ice sung to man u has poetic ring to it but Peter Reid has an ugly monkey head sung to yellow submarine is my fav.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-06 13:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In fact, it's pretty well documented that Scotland isn't terribly cosmopolitan.
------
This is news to me.
Submitted by Required_Reading (user info) at 2005-12-06 13:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you need to take an overdose, you dimwit
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-12-06 13:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and of course inspired by Baddiel and Skinner
He's got a Pineapple on his head,
to the tune of he's got the whole world in his hands was pretty fucking funny too.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-12-06 13:06:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally I don't think it get's any better than the classic
Engerland, Engerland, Engerland,
Engerland, Engerland, Engerlaaaand,
Engerland, Engerland, Engerlaaaand,
Engerlaaaaaaaaand
EN-GER-LAND!
Engerland, Engerland, Engerland,
Engerland, Engerland, Engerlaaaand,
Engerland, Engerland, Engerlaaaand,
Engerlaaaaaaaaand
EN-GER-LAND!
Engerland, Engerland, Engerland,
Engerland, Engerland, Engerlaaaand,
Engerland, Engerland, Engerlaaaand,
Engerlaaaaaaaaand
EN-GER-LAND!
What more do you need?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-06 13:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 12:04:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't support anyone. What about you?
---
Berty , I hearby promote you to Newcastle United fan. It's fitting.
Eternally optimistic, great going forward, slightly retarded players, laughable at the back, and with good safe hands. Plenty of big Geordie lasses would love to get their hands on Berty. And they have excellent wheelchair provision.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-12-06 12:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
wheeeeeeeeeeyyy... trying to fit in 'ere, 'like'
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 12:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't support anyone. What about you?
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-06 12:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thats it. thats the chant. Northerners ain't to clever.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-06 12:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
M'BORO all the way!
My digs is in such a dodgy area unless you brand a Middlesboro sticker in your car the locals will brick your windows.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty - who do you support?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good un Nelly.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'You're going home in a speeding ambulance'
Chelsea fans to a group of St John Ambulance volunteers.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In reference to the premature ending of a promising player's career at the hands of a totally fair and legal tackle (soft Wegie cunt.)
Who's that lying at Pittodrie?
Who's that lying on the floor?
It looks like Ian Durrant to me,
Cos Simmie's fucked his knee,
And he won't be playing for Rangers anymore.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic.
When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm,
There's a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown...
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone... You'll never walk alone.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone...
You'll never walk alone
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:44:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And I forgot this one...
"If Heskey plays for England, so can I
If Heskey plays for England, so can I
If Heskey plays for England
If Heskey plays for England
If Heskey plays for England, so can I"
Hesky - he's frank bruno with football boots.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahhh - we're so supportive as a nation.
I just found this one:
(to the tune of 'Cos I Got High' - Afroman)
He's Out the England squad and we know why
'Cos Rio got high
Rio got high
Rio got high
la-la-la la la-la
Tim Timminy Tim Timminy
Tim Tim Teroo
We've got Tim Howard and he says f**k you! (support for our tourettes players there too).
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:32:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We are Killie, Super Killie
No one likes us, we don't care!
We hate Ayr!
Black bastards!
We'll chase them everywhere
note, the 'black bastards' is a reference to the colour of the strip in which Ayr United (scum rivals to the mighty Kilmarnock) play in, nothing to do with negroes. In fact, it's pretty well documented that Scotland isn't terribly cosmopolitan.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:26:55 (#)
Ranking: 1
An old Pompey chant.
Mat Le Tissier he hasn't got a birth certificate
he's got AIDS and he can't get rid of it
Mat Le Tissier.
Says more about the Pompey fans than him.
---
Le God - despite the giant nose.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
An old Pompey chant.
Mat Le Tissier he hasn't got a birth certificate
he's got AIDS and he can't get rid of it
Mat Le Tissier.
Says more about the Pompey fans than him.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah - unless it is directed AT the visiting fans. I getcha.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty - surely that should be directed towards the traditionally Jewish fans of Tottenham? Unless this is some clever irony that passed me over.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:24:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's a good un.
we'll be walking round Highbury
with our willies hanging out
...
we'll be walking round Highbury
with our willies hanging out
...
We'll be walking round Highbury
Walking round Highbury
...
We'll be walking round Highbury
With our willies hanging out
Singing I've got one more foreskin than you...
Singing I've got one more foreskin than you...
Singing I've got one more foreskin
I've got one more foreskin
Singing I've got one more foreskin than you...
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the little chap
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She wore
She wore
She wore fishnet stockings
She wore fishnet stockings and stillettoes on her feet
And when I asked just why she wore those stockings
She said it's for my client and his name is David Pleat
David Pleat, David Pleat,
He's the famous Tottenham pervert
And his name is david pleat...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.drgloom.co.uk/waiting_room/song/singalongageordie.mp3.zip
Think that's it. Can't really have it belting out at work sadly. Dirty Mackems.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I kinda Like Van Persie... even though he runs like a ghey with no arm muscles...
But even me (an Gunner) can appreciate "Van Per-sie. When the girl says no - Molest her"
Thats just fucking funny.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, your picture title needs to be 'child football hooligan'
Look at that hate. Ah. Howay the Toon!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:14:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dirty Mackem
Dirty monkey Mackem
Dirty Mackem
You're from Sunderland
There are loads of verses about Peter Reid's monkey's heid. And drinking eight lager cans.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:12:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Van Per-sie. When the girl says no - Molest her.
--
Awesome. Truly awesome
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-06 11:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Had an e-mail about fottie chants recently.
my faves were:
(to Shaun Wright-Phillips)
Wheres your Real dad, Wheres you real dad?
and (to the tune of 'Rewind' by Craig David & Artful Dodger)
Van Per-sie. When the girl says no - Molest her.