My roomate's girlfriend is fuckin BOSH (1999 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.14 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The BOSH man! (View user info) at 2005-12-06 23:30:12 EST
I live in a two bedroom apartment with a friend I have known since kindergarten. We both had the same major in college and each got a job in the city. Rent is cheap enough, and since we've known each other for so long, we don't have any of the 'roommate woes' some of you may have been through. Well, for the most part.
I hooked him up with a girl I once dated way back when, telling him that she was pretty, fun, and all around a good girl. I've recently learned that I was way, way off.. and now that they've been together for so long, it seems like common quarreling to them. From someone not in the relationship, it's hard to convince him that its not.
His girlfriend, we'll call her Jamie for the sake of the story, is one of the nicest girls you could ever ask to meet. Very thoughtful, always getting stuff for the apartment, and whatever else it is nice girls do, save her 'Holier than thou' attitude. That is until she's had a couple cocktails.
For example: We had a party for his birthday last weekend. I was drunk by noon, and the keg didn't even get here until 2:00pm. It was as typical a party you'd expect for an apartment that can only host twenty or so people comfortably. Beirut, beer die, quarters, lots of food, etc. Jamie had gone to iParty to get some decorations, which was fine. The place looked good and everyone was having a good time, until my buddy T showed up with a saxaboom.
My roommate (he'll be Jason) promptly welcomed T to the party and grabbed the saxaboom from him, getting a good rise from everyone. Everyone had to have had a good buzz going by that point, I know I did. Jamie was flat out shitfaced.
Jason turned down the music (which Jamie had selected) in order to play his saxaboom solo.
Jamie: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? MUSIC IS MY LIFE. TURN IT BACK UP!!"
Everyone else: "..."
I think Salt n' Peppa's classic, 'Shoop' was the song that was playing.
Jason just ignored her and continued on playing the saxaboom. Jamie started to bitch some more, so Jason put the saxaboom to her face and jammed out for a second, to which the whole place died laughing. This did not make Jamie happy. However, I thought it may have been a new, improved Jamie as she just kept her cool and ignored Jason right back. Well except for the funneling of three Samuel Adams with a shot of Jager on top of each she took in spite.
Now Jamie is putting Brittany Spears on and SCREAMING the lyrics because all of a sudden, she seems to think her voice is beautiful. Oh, she's going to try out for American Idol next year too, by her own words.
T gets sick of it right away, and goes to change it to something else. I almost warned him not to, because I knew what was coming, but after second thought, I figured I was about ready for some fireworks anyways. Fucking cunt.
Jamie got super pissed and gave the most evil look to T that I have ever seen given to ANYONE. She walked right up to Jason and started bitching. Jason was hammered and in the middle of playing an intense game of beer die, which had $20 on it. I guess she felt rejected after he told her to 'Relax' about 15 times. Having no success with whatever she was trying to achieve with Jason, she came to me.
Me: "What's up Jamie?"
Jamie: "OMG I just lit the wrong end of my cigarette tee heee heeeeeeeeeee hee he ahah wers"
Me: "That's awesome dude"
Jamie: "No wait... T changed the song!!  : ("
At this point I noticed that T had put on some Bela Fleck, who I enjoy thoroughly.
Me: "Its ok Jamie, we've been listening to crap all night, lets give this a little while and then you can change it back"
Jamie in a whiny voice: "But that was my favorite snog! Hwy cant he bee noice to meeeeeeee?"
I don't know. Maybe because you're an obnoxious bitch?
Me: "Here have a beer and hop in line for some Beirut, Jason tells me you're pretty good?"
Jamie starts crying.
Me: "..."
She marched right back into the room where beer die was being played, crying, and went to Jason and told him that we changed her favorite song. Jason rightly told her to shut the fuck up and stop crying.
**I'm noticing as I right this, I'm making Jamie sound like an innocent victim of alcohol, but you're just going to have to trust me, she sucks.
Also, I'm aware that I said 'right' instead of 'write', but it was so ridiculous that I had to keep it there**
Jamie is belligerent at this point, and inadvertently grabs the attention of everyone at my place.
Jamie (Crying, to Jason): "Jason why cant yoo taek my side on ANYHTING ??!1 You're so meen to mee!1 "
Jason: "Jamie, we listened to your shit all night, its time for something else.. relax.."
Jamie (still crying to Jason, with everyone staring at her): Jason you don't get itt! Music is my lief!!"
Jason: "Why the hell are you crying?"
Jamie: Because T is chasing my dreems away1!eleven!! I want to sing but this music sucks!"
Jason: "Would you like a ride home? I think you've had enough to drink"
Jamie: "IF YOU BRING ME HOME IM GONNA KEEL MYSELF OMG" I think I need medication ort something I want to hurt myself"
Jason: "Shut up no you don't"
Long story short, I grabber her by the hair shortly thereafter and threw her face first down a flight of stairs. I think her foot was broken, as she was lying face down on the cement at the bottom of our staircase with her right heel on the ground and her toes pointing straight up. A pool of blood began to gather by her head, which excited me. I took a dump on her unconscious ass and blamed it on the dog.
==
The next day
==
Jamie comes over to the place to help clean up
Jamie: "Oh hey Bosh man, thanks for having that party last night, I had a good time!"
Me: "..Are you sure?"
She didn't get it.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-30 14:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-02-13 23:10:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-12-07 18:31:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my total hits almost equal my id number
thats pretty bosh
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-12-07 18:29:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I went horse racing today and i intend to recap it in full for all you nice folks at uber. Earl scruggs was there so look forward to that, jonnyx!
and no, lago, i dont have an alter
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-12-07 18:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I kept waiting for either the point or the punchline. I was dissapointed on both.
you suck.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-07 18:07:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gunslingers your alter, right?
weak
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha! I love it! Leetspeak makes teh n00bs sound like mor3 stoopid! lawl!
BOSH that shit up!
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know. You are the one that kind of sounds like a dick in this story. I think I like Jamie better than you
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, you told an actual story for a change!
needs more BOSH and Earl Scruggs
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-07 14:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What just happened?
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-12-07 13:47:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheese. But, +2 cheese. I can't help that I like the Bosh.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-12-07 13:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80270
saxaboom!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-12-07 13:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
jamie was drunk, thats why her text is messed up
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-12-07 13:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know I'm old...but what the hell is a saxaboom?
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:26:34 (#)
Ranking: -1
I just can't bring myself to give anything with "BOSH" more than -1.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I just can't bring myself to give anything with "BOSH" more than -1.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Two things.
First, didn't you date Jamie? So doesn't that make you an idiot?
And secondly, this sucked. Don't waste my time. I could have been working! *sips coffee and avoids stack of work sitting on desk*
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wooooooo bosh! good one
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-12-07 08:08:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This would be a 0 except for the attempted murder.
That made it a -2.
drop the leet speak.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:28:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The mish-mash of drunken rambling and AOL-kid speak didn't come across too well, but this wasn't bad.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-12-07 07:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jamie: Because T is chasing my dreems away1!eleven!! I want to sing but this music sucks!"
For the image of some crying, pissed up bitch shouting eleven mid whinge.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-12-07 06:48:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wat teh fuck whas dis ?!!!11eleven#16,15!11
Spell correctly next time
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2005-12-07 05:44:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-07 02:11:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I promised to write about my Bosh experiment http://www.ubersite.com/m/80351#1725058 on your nex post, but you posted b4 I wrote it, so I'll give a condensed version.
There's 11 people living in one house here since hurricane Katrina. My mom is here with me, but I didn't know anyone here at first except for my temporary "landloard"/full-time boyfriend, who lives east down the beach, but comes her a lot checking on us. He got his aunt to open this big pre-Civil War house in Mobile that was empty and creepy big, for us storm orphans. Mine and my mon's house is on Dauphin Island nearby (oui the French spelling)and is almost rebuilt. It started off with one couple here, then two way cool black guys moved in, then another couple, then their relatives. My b/friend showed me Uber, and is a longtime uberererer, although I'm not "allowed" to rank his post since he says that would be unethical whatever.
So it's eight bedrooms plus, I had lots of chances to use "Bosh" that day. The first, me and mom were arguing over dinner, who would make certain dishes, and we fought and finally I flounced out of the kitchen. Next thing, I go into the living room, and mom's bending down over an endtable, and I had candles out on it, everywhere actually. I saw a flame lift from her hair, she had leaned over a candle, and I scremed "Mom!" then charged her and started smacking her head, hard. She thought I was mad, she uses so much Aquanet her hair was ablaze, but she didn't know it! She just thought I'd gone insane, and was attacking her.
Well after that we had a laugh (she wasn't hurt) and I told her "That was kinda Bosh." She looked at me like "don't tell me you're using again!" I tried explainingg Bosh but it only made things worse when I told her it was from the internet. She thinks the web is evil. After that I went out to the garage where my boyfriend was putting new speakers in his car, and I said that they sounded Bosh. He didn't even look at me and said, "I thought the Bosh Man went away, you spend too much time online." He doesn't count since he knows you are something.
I went to the black guys' room nex and asked if they wanted to watch "Fear dot com" on the big tv with me, it's sooo Bosh!" They stared at me like I'd farted, and said "Maybe.... tomorrow."
I went to Deb's room next. I don't know her that well, and told her about mom's hair and said how Bosh it was, and asked if she wanted to watch the movie, and that it was bosh. She just stared at me blankly and said "..........I've seen it."
So, everyone here thinks I'm nuts. Bosh, but nuts.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-07 04:46:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Jamie (Crying, to Jason): "Jason why cant yoo taek my side on ANYHTING ??!1 You're so meen to mee!1 "
Jason: "Jamie, we listened to your shit all night, its time for something else.. relax.."
Jamie (still crying to Jason, with everyone staring at her): Jason you don't get itt! Music is my lief!!"
Jason: "Why the hell are you crying?"
Jamie: Because T is chasing my dreems away1!eleven!! I want to sing but this music sucks!"
<><><><><><>
There are so many errors in this little portion alone.....and what the fuck is this? - "Because T is chasing my dreems away1!eleven!!"
I realise this is a rant, but you could at least write coherently.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-07 03:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cool
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-07 03:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha. I guess its funnish. I'll ask if I can tell you who he is tomorrow when we talk. I got in trouble not long ago for not logging off, and he started reviewing messages not knowing it was still my name logged on when he was talking to people. I'll ask first. Else I might be banned from using laptop he left for me {us}to use. Keep it BOSH, W
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-12-07 02:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAhahahahahAAH
That is amazing.. I wish you could see how hard I was just laughing.
Who is your boyfriend?
"I thought he went away" hahahahah
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-07 02:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I promised to write about my Bosh experiment http://www.ubersite.com/m/80351#1725058 on your nex post, but you posted b4 I wrote it, so I'll give a condensed version.
There's 11 people living in one house here since hurricane Katrina. My mom is here with me, but I didn't know anyone here at first except for my temporary "landloard"/full-time boyfriend, who lives east down the beach, but comes her a lot checking on us. He got his aunt to open this big pre-Civil War house in Mobile that was empty and creepy big, for us storm orphans. Mine and my mon's house is on Dauphin Island nearby (oui the French spelling)and is almost rebuilt. It started off with one couple here, then two way cool black guys moved in, then another couple, then their relatives. My b/friend showed me Uber, and is a longtime uberererer, although I'm not "allowed" to rank his post since he says that would be unethical whatever.
So it's eight bedrooms plus, I had lots of chances to use "Bosh" that day. The first, me and mom were arguing over dinner, who would make certain dishes, and we fought and finally I flounced out of the kitchen. Next thing, I go into the living room, and mom's bending down over an endtable, and I had candles out on it, everywhere actually. I saw a flame lift from her hair, she had leaned over a candle, and I scremed "Mom!" then charged her and started smacking her head, hard. She thought I was mad, she uses so much Aquanet her hair was ablaze, but she didn't know it! She just thought I'd gone insane, and was attacking her.
Well after that we had a laugh (she wasn't hurt) and I told her "That was kinda Bosh." She looked at me like "don't tell me you're using again!" I tried explainingg Bosh but it only made things worse when I told her it was from the internet. She thinks the web is evil. After that I went out to the garage where my boyfriend was putting new speakers in his car, and I said that they sounded Bosh. He didn't even look at me and said, "I thought the Bosh Man went away, you spend too much time online." He doesn't count since he knows you are something.
I went to the black guys' room nex and asked if they wanted to watch "Fear dot com" on the big tv with me, it's sooo Bosh!" They stared at me like I'd farted, and said "Maybe.... tomorrow."
I went to Deb's room next. I don't know her that well, and told her about mom's hair and said how Bosh it was, and asked if she wanted to watch the movie, and that it was bosh. She just stared at me blankly and said "..........I've seen it."
So, everyone here thinks I'm nuts. Bosh, but nuts.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-07 01:30:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She sounds like a real cunt. To hell with her.
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-07 00:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-12-06 23:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck do I hate her now. This is a poorly put together half-rant. I'm not good at writing enough to describe the evil bitch that lives inside Jamie, but writing this has helped to subdue my disgust for this waste of a human.