Helpful Tips for Our Superbowl XL Guests (1127 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.15 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Boondock (View user info) at 2005-12-07 09:47:27 EST
For those of you that will be visiting the great city of Detroit for Superbowl XL, here are some helpful tips.
1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name.
It's Di-troit NOT DEE-troit. If you pronounce it
DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and
here for the Country Music hoe-down.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Detroit has its own version of traffic rules... Hold
on and pray!
3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00am to 10:00am.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00pm to 7:00pm.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends
are open game. Plan accordingly.
4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. If you're
first off the starting line when the light turns
green, count to five before going. This will avoid
getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their
yellow light to keep from getting shot.
5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a
native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for
Gratiot too.
6. Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96,
I-696,I-75, I-275, I-375, The Lodge, The Southfield
Freeways and all other major roads are a way of life.
Just deal with it.
7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is
probably a factory defect or they are "out-of-towners"
8. All old men with white hair wearing a hat have
total right-of-way.
9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 is 85
regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is
considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don't even think
of allowing more than one car length between cars!
10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and
doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of
your car.
11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the
bumper sticker that says "Keep honking, I'm
reloading."
12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in
a 60 mph zone, people are not waving because they are
so friendly in Detroit. I would suggest you duck.
13. Passing on the right is perfectly acceptable.
Think of it as a courtesy. I could "influence" you to
change lanes by riding your bumper until you can tell
what color my eyes are, or I could simply move to your
right, drive past you and glare. Consider it our way
of not inconveniencing your slow ass.
14. I-275/I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.
15. It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge". It's not M-39,
it's "the Southfield Freeway". It's not 6 Mile, it's
"McNichols". It's not I-96, it's "the Jeffries". About
98% of our roads have two names. This is to help
avoid confusion.
16. That's not a lake, it's a pothole. Avoid them at
all costs.
17. If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you
better hope its not flooded, and that you have a map.
If both criteria are not met, you're pretty much
screwed.
18. The left turn is simple. If you want to turn left,
go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left,
then make a left, then make a right. NOW you have gone
left. What? You make it sound like its odd.
19. Going 80 mph through a construction area while on
the phone is a sport for us.
20. If you need to call 9-1-1, you should expect to
be put on hold before you are able to report your
problem. Your patience is appreciated. Thank you.
21. Please charge your cell phone BEFORE you leave
home, in case you need to call 9-1-1. The person from
Rule #11 probably won't let you use theirs.
22. Our 911 system does not put you on hold to annoy
you. It is for educational purposes only. It is to
teach you creativity & resourcefulness while you are
waiting. After all, if you had been creative &
resourceful in the first place, and had paid attention
to Rule #10 & #11 above, you probably wouldn't need to
be calling 9-1-1 anyway.
ENJOY YOUR STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS
Yours Truly,
Detroit
User Reviews
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2005-12-20 17:01:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck Off
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-12-08 14:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-08 12:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KillerCowz (user info) at 2005-12-08 09:22:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
This is why the fucking north blows my ass fuck you
----------------------------------------------------------
Very clever. I bet you thought of that all by yourself. Hooray for you.
Submitted by KillerCowz (user info) at 2005-12-08 09:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is why the fucking north blows my ass fuck you
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 15:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-12-07 14:33:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have been to Detroit and you make
it sound so much nicer than my experience
-------------------------------------------------------
Detroit: Where the weak are killed and eaten.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-12-07 14:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have been to Detroit and you make
it sound so much nicer than my experience
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-07 12:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-07 12:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blimey
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 12:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this has been an interesting first day
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was all set to give this a -1 for the bitmap but I really liked that statue.
Also, if you've never been in nyc and told a cabby you were in a rush, then you
don't know about white knuckle driving
p.s.
....................................................................
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:00:48 (#)
Ranking: 1
To Detroit,
Hey guys thanks for the info and the invite, unfortunatly our plans for making it out that way had taken a serious turn towards the negative. Its seems The Cowardly Lion had bailed on his team for the year, The TinMan had no heart and has been suspended for being all about himself, The Scarecrow has lost his brain and apparently can't put a game plan together to save his life. On the brightside The Scarecrow has lost 50 pounds on the LA Weightloss program and Dorothy is no longer taking it up the ass from the LolliPop Kids.
In conclusion, any thoughts we had of making it out there are gone, and we're all meeting at the top of The Liberty Bell for a 3pm mass suicide.
Signed,
The Eagles Fans
....................................................................
Condolences on Westbrook.
p.p.s I hope the colts lose this week so that they rest Peyton for week 16. Nothing against Indy, I just don't want my fantasy team losing because of them
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice is a relative term, my dear. It all comes down to context.
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you seem real nice, not like most of the people on this site
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ME? Internet toughie? No, I'm a delicate flower of motherhood with a mouth like a dock worker and an attitude that preceedes me for about a mile or so. I'm a nice girl.....
....or so they tell me when the lithium wears off.
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:30:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
UberCon Shelby?
---------
what the fuck is an UberCon?
Sounds like a geeky star trek convention, count me in!
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:19:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a chance in hell of getting that info on here.
I'm off West Utica if that gives you any idea.
--------------------------------------------------------
I can't say I blame you, what with the collection of sick bastards here. I'm off W Utica as well. UberCon Shelby?
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so mother, are you the internet toughie on here? I'm trying to figure out whose who
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:22:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's ok, NewGuy.... I'll just bury him in the back with the rest of them.
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:20:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think boondock is going to be a peeping tom in your window
take pics boondock and let us know what you find
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a chance in hell of getting that info on here.
I'm off West Utica if that gives you any idea.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:11:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
NewGuy08- it's still just Rochester Hills.... with more shopping.
Boondock- I live less than 5 minutes from there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
So do I. What street?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NewGuy08- it's still just Rochester Hills.... with more shopping.
Boondock- I live less than 5 minutes from there.
Submitted by the_cole_guy (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, seen this same joke/list about Washington DC before.
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I used to live in rochester hills 15 yrs ago. How is it now?
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:59:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn
-------------------------------------
Ever hit the Shelby Roadhouse?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AIM?
--------
just because it's a Detroit post doesn't mean everything has to be about guns
Ready, aim, shoot.........
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:56:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:55:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:30:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:27:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
.....
----------------------
Interestingly enough..... Shelby.
----------------------------------------------
No shit! Small fuckin world!
-------------------
AIM?
----------------------------------------------
Nope. I'm technologically handicapped.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:30:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:27:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
.....
----------------------
Interestingly enough..... Shelby.
----------------------------------------------
No shit! Small fuckin world!
-------------------
AIM?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
yay! I love sports posts!
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm staying in Windsor for SuperBowl weekend.
GO COLTS BABY
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you have bad traffic problems and guns? Wowzers! Welcome to every metropolis in this country. Chicago laughs at you.
Stephen Colbert last week: "Detroit--do we still need it?"
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:30:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:27:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:23:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:57:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yet another Uber from Detroit. Where are you at, man?
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I used to live downtown, but I just moved out to Shelby. Where you at?
----------------------
Interestingly enough..... Shelby.
----------------------------------------------
No shit! Small fuckin world!
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:29:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Detroit is like Africa. Lots of animals running around loose while people try to kill them.
I'd rather be homeless than live in Detroit
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well aren't you hardcore?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:23:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:57:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yet another Uber from Detroit. Where are you at, man?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I used to live downtown, but I just moved out to Shelby. Where you at?
----------------------
Interestingly enough..... Shelby.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:23:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:57:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yet another Uber from Detroit. Where are you at, man?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I used to live downtown, but I just moved out to Shelby. Where you at?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Traffic is pretty much all alike in every city. It fucking sucks.
I've been to Detroit when I was a kid. The city is just uglier, more dangerous and polluted.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
23. Don't be white. Unless your name is Marshall Mathers.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So it isn't much different than any other city. Glad you cleared that up for us.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-07 10:00:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
To Detroit,
Hey guys thanks for the info and the invite, unfortunatly our plans for making it out that way had taken a serious turn towards the negative. Its seems The Cowardly Lion had bailed on his team for the year, The TinMan had no heart and has been suspended for being all about himself, The Scarecrow has lost his brain and apparently can't put a game plan together to save his life. On the brightside The Scarecrow has lost 50 pounds on the LA Weightloss program and Dorothy is no longer taking it up the ass from the LolliPop Kids.
In conclusion, any thoughts we had of making it out there are gone, and we're all meeting at the top of The Liberty Bell for a 3pm mass suicide.
Signed,
The Eagles Fans
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH, and nice bit of work here.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yet another Uber from Detroit. Where are you at, man?
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-07 09:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
repost with a jpeg and get a new pic with the hockey jersey on.