UberMas 05: Scrooged (1056 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Confuzitron (View user info) at 2005-12-07 15:57:02 EST
Santa flies off into the night
Filled with all kinds of Christmas glee
He's gonna leave me all kinds of goodies
Under my Christmas tree
So as I fall asleep thinking of Christmas fun
Off in the distance I hear the sound of a gun
One by one I see the reindeer fall
Rudolph, Blitzen, Comet and all
And now this unknown assailant
Has only one target left to go
And it's the jolly fat man dressed in red
Who lets out a jolly "HO! HO! HO!"
As Santa's sleigh crashed into the winter frost
It seemed as though all hope was lost
With vodka in the left hand, and a rifle in the right
The man made sure Santa didn't put up much of a fight
I was up all night wishing that Santa's screams
Were nothing more than one of my horrible dreams
Then off in the distance, I heard a voice say
"I shot down your sleigh
Killed your reindeer and will kill you too
But this is nothing compared to what Satan will do to you"
At that moment I realized it was the religious right
That shot down the sleigh tonight
They never let the children have any fun
And claim that Santa is a heathen
But this damned scrooge
He did an act that could make Satan splooge
The thought of no Santa in the coming years
Makes me cry emo tears
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 17:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Confuzitron
User id: 18057
Registered on or around: 2005-04-12 12:45:21
# Messages posted: 6
# Reviews written: 1202
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 147
# Hits: 2947
Average rating of all messages: 0.99
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 17:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you must be insecure to repost on my insecure posts
woah
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 16:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HO HO HO!!! SANTA VOLTAGE IS HERE TO GIVE YOU A +2 TREAT!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:22:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh how clever
you put words together
next time you should have someone help so they look right
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:55:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Need to bump this to a 1.5.
Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2005-12-11 14:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Christmas!
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-09 14:43:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad. but i can't take anything that includes 'emo tears' too too seriously
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-09 13:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tis still very close.
And I think emo tears rock.
Also emu tears...yea I like emu tears too.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-08 13:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is really a .5 for me. In some instances it feels like you threw a bunch of words that rhymed in a bag and shook them around. It desperately needs some structure to be really good. On the other hand, the premise is hysterical. I am leaving it at a +1. I am giving the additional +.5 to this *took Ash by surprise, inducing hysterical giggles* moment...
At that moment I realized it was the religious right
That shot down the sleigh tonight
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-08 08:20:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ummmm....uhhh....it has its funny moments, but kind of hard to follow. Solid +1.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-08 00:34:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
heh. Now I feel even stupider. Like I needed that.
Wish I knew about that damned thing a long while ago.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please tell me you didn't go through and actually count them. You know that if you use this website: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/moreinfo.cgi?uber=Confuzitron (I put your name in there to check your records) it will tell you how you've rated others.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:10:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a "meter nazi" as Orgasmatron claims to be, but I had a hard time reading some of it. The ending saved it, but overall, my rating will have to be "man who has reviewed http://www.ubersite.com/m/44213 over 50 times" auto +2.
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Heheh. I actually just counted, and I've reviewed that post EXACTLY 100 times.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-07 23:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a "meter nazi" as Orgasmatron claims to be, but I had a hard time reading some of it. The ending saved it, but overall, my rating will have to be "man who has reviewed www.ubersite.com/m/44213 over 50 times" auto +2.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-07 21:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
tis but a flesh wound.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-07 20:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-07 15:58:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80611
Here's my submission. Congrats in advance ghola.
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anything ending in emo tears rocks
here's a 2.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2005-12-07 20:13:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ehh, it was allright.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-07 19:23:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
People not reviewing my post makes the baby Jeebus cry!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Go Cards Woooo indeed.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But since you had the jackass contingency down there and Mr. Brd-Nkd only rounded it out to a zero I'm letting my two stand.
Go Cards Woooo!!!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:27:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:00:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
Do your own ratings count towards the post's overall rating?
Don't shoot yourself in the foot.
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They aren't supposed to. If I'm wrong I helped screw myself.
This is a solid 1.5 to me. I laughed, but I thought it could have been fleshed out a little more.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:25:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:00:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
Do your own ratings count towards the post's overall rating?
Don't shoot yourself in the foot.
--------
Nope.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-07 17:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Do your own ratings count towards the post's overall rating?
Don't shoot yourself in the foot.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't help but notice, but just about everything I do is solid +1 work.
I feel mediocre.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was reading through this thinking "my stars, from a poetic standpoint, this is quite bad."
This, in part, is because I'm a Meter Nazi and expect to see a certain lyrical flow when I see verse like this. And because I'm an asshole. It has nothing to do with you. It's not you, it's me.
So I'm reading, and reading, and I can see what you're going for. Ultimately it comes off as an outline for something you'd want to write more about later. I definitely think you could have stretched this out a lot more, and filled in a lot of the gaps that were left. Particularly that last stanza. It could have turned into an epic Jesus vs. Santa Claus bout.
I'll be honest - I think it was short and it jumped around a lot.
And yet, I was laughing like an idiot when I was done and can't say for sure just why. Maybe Satan splooging had something to do with it.
You had a good idea to work with - I'd liked to have read more about it. The completely dark ending was ballsy, given the cheer associated with this holiday. It's like The Empire Strikes Back meets XMas, just without the Ugnauts.
Regardless: a rock of Gibraltar solid +1.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:24:55 (#)
Ranking: 1
solid 1.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
solid 1.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
More a .5 but I round up cause its near christmas.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:07:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jesset (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:02:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 because it's Christmas bullshit
If I could -4 I would
This is really a one to me but since that jackass put in its two cents I'll balance a bit.
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that's funny because i was going to call him a jackass.
seriously, though...this is a christmas competition. there are going to be a shitload of these. best to avoid them if you're against gentile celebrations
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jesset (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:02:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 because it's Christmas bullshit
If I could -4 I would
This is really a one to me but since that jackass put in its two cents I'll balance a bit.
Submitted by jesset (user info) at 2005-12-07 16:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 because it's Christmas bullshit
If I could -4 I would
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-07 15:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woot woot... i got on bored at work, plus twos for everyone...
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-12-07 15:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
point five
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-12-07 15:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
one