Ubermas '05 - God Bless Ye, Merry Gentleman (1083 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fudgepacknuts (View user info) at 2005-12-08 18:20:09 EST
Standing by himself outside of Mount St. Mary's hospital, a statuesque man in a long black woolen overcoat took a deep drag of his cigarette and looked to the sky as a light snowfall began to hit ground. He always enjoyed the sweet combination of tar and nicotine as it slowly filled his empty lungs.
The snowflakes of a late December usually seemed different to him than those that fell in the dead of winter; they were somewhat calmer, friendlier perhaps. And he enjoyed this calmness. He enjoyed the Christmas cheer that emanated from the towns nearby. It filled his soul with something that God never instilled in him.
After taking the final drag of his cigarette, he gave a slight exasperated sigh and proceeded into entranceway. Hospitals never really bothered him. But how could they? After visiting thousands of them in his lifetime, they all seemed the same to him. Similar scents, similar nurses, similar lighting, similar conversations taking place. He became numb to hospitals long before this day.
He meandered past the aloof security guards without anyone taking notice. He walked slowly past the children in the leukemia ward and smiled as they opened their presents that were laying under a poorly decorated Christmas tree.
"I've been here before," he muttered to himself "1983, I think." But he shrugged it off and walked deeper into the hospital towards the Intensive Care Unit.
Two nurses, one portly Asian woman and one aging black woman, both dressed as Santa's elves, casually strolled the hallway as they discussed their New Years plans with one another; all the while taking no note of this gentleman.
"Dr. Sanderson to the ER," he heard over the loudspeaker "Dr. Sanderson to the ER."
After taking a few detours through some of the hospital's many wards and floors, he finally made his way to his destination and double checked the sign on the door: "ROOM 217 - THOMPSON, ROGER"
Slowly opening the door so as not to wake up Mr. Thompson, he peered inside the room to make sure no one else was present. The room was dark and smelled of urine and no one aside from a very sick man on a respirator was seen. Intravenous tubes were injected into both of his arms and the man could see that Mr. Thompson's eyes were open ever so slightly. The man entered the room and carefully shut the door behind him.
Making his way to Mr. Thompson, he took off his black leather gloves and put them in his coat pocket.
"I knew you'd come for me," whispered Mr. Thompson "I just didn't expect it to be so soon."
"You should be asleep, sir" said the man in the quietest voice he could muster.
"Please," said the patient "please. Let me spend one more Christmas with my grandchildren." Tears began to well up in his eyes. "Let me see their faces one last time." His hands began to quiver. "I'm begging you....please. Not now. Please."
The man stared at Mr. Thompson with his black eyes, swallowed down the lump growing in his throat, and gently placed his right hand on Mr. Thompson's forehead.
"May God Bless Ye, Merry Gentleman. May God look after you and care for you" said the man in black.
And with that, Mr. Thompson closed his eyes and gracefully accepted his fate. Soon thereafter, the man began to cry and crept backwards slowly as he dissipated back to heaven where he was to receive his next assignment.
The Angel of Death never enjoyed working on Christmas eve.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This story read "gray" to me, and I really enjoyed that. You succeeded in creating a bleak atmosphere that really reflects how the angel feels at the end of the story.
I like that it smokes, too. Somewhat appropriate, and a nice little touch.
Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2005-12-11 14:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Christmas!
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-10 01:31:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Could've used a lil' expansion, but well written. I had a feeling it was death or something from the start, even if no one believes that I did. But that's irrelevant. Good jaerb.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-09 16:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm such a filthy linkwhore... http://www.ubersite.com/m/80712
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-09 15:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Quick and easy read. I have to disagree with you Thorns, the quick ending seemed to me to really fit the tone of story.
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2005-12-09 10:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a solid entry for the first round
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-09 09:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-12-08 23:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kind of predictable
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-08 20:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think more dialogue between the angel and Mr. Thompson would have filled out the story nicely. But it was still a great idea, so +2 for round 1.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-08 20:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fudge, ignore the people giving you the 1s and shit. I liked this very much.
Keep the faith. . .
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-08 19:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
probably better than whatever i'll churn out.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-08 19:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:56:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
it was supposed to be stark and devoid of feeling, ahumblefool...if that's what you were referring to. what did you feel it was missing?
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You definetly captured that, I think that was very strong, and for that I am giving you a +2 to make it a 1.5. I think it ended to quickly, i wanted a little more, I wanted to experience the starkness a little more. Hell, I can not explain it well. It just left me wanting for more.
Thank you for the compliment on my story. I felt I needed to flesh it out more, but I am in Portland tomorrow and was out of time.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
-0.5 for the execution
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:57:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the idea
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:56:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
it was supposed to be stark and devoid of feeling, ahumblefool...if that's what you were referring to. what did you feel it was missing?
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was pretty good, but I felt it could have been more. I like the idea and concept.
Submitted by punkerrjess (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminded me of The Sandman
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80534 - forgot to link the contest page
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad fiction