Things I said that just came out wrong (900 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.13 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by punkerrjess (View user info) at 2005-12-09 11:57:44 EST
The other day I was hanging out with my friends Kris and Shawna and their kids. Their son, Caiden, is in the middle of being potty-trained, and so Shawna asks him all the time if he has to go to the bathroom.
We were eating lunch at Del Taco, and we kept smelling a scent like Caiden had pooped his pants. Shawna keeps asking him, "Are you sure you don't have to go to the bathroom?"
"No, Mom, I don't have to go to the bathroom!" he kept saying.
We kept smelling it, though, so she asks him one more time, "Are you sure?"
He gets mad, stands up, turns around, pulls down his pants, and bends over, saying, "See Mom they're just farts!"
So this got me thinking about what I have said that was embarrassing at the time.
About eight years ago, my cousins were visiting from England. They wanted to take a bunch of American stuff back with them (don't ask me why), and so we went to Costco. My mom had sent along her list as well, so I could get some stuff for the family.
We're walking around the store getting everything we need, only I can't find the walnuts and almonds my mom wants. Finally I go up to a guy that worked there, and asked him, "Excuse me, where do you keep your nuts?"
He turned bright red, my cousins and everyone around us started laughing, and he could only squeak out "Aisle 11."
Then about four years ago, I was taking a beginning guitar class at the community college. During class one day, one of my strings broke.
So after class, I went to the local music store to get a new string.
The store wasn't very crowded, but it's a small store, so pretty much everyone in the store can hear everything a person says.
I go up to the counter, and wait for the lady behind it to come up to me.
She comes up and asks if she can help me.
"Yes, I broke my g-string."
Everyone just laughs; I get my new string, pay, and walk out really embarrassed.
User Reviews
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:39:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Reader's Digest material..
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I shouldn't really rate this negativly as it made me feel better about my humble little life.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the g-string one and playing guitar
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-10 17:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
pretty exciting
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-10 17:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You got greedy for hits and +2's dincha?
Buh-buy for a while.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-10 17:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:00:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
crappy email forward passed off as your own crappy story = -2
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2005-12-10 17:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:05:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:00:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
crappy email forward passed off as your own crappy story = -2
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-12-09 23:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The g-string one is an oldie but a goodie
My favourite is a stuff-up my mum made at the butcher when she was buying chicken. She said the to the girl behind the counter "Can you show me the size of your breasts please?"
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-09 15:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'd like a little more suck pudding, please, but this time, not quite so much suck innit, please?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-09 14:44:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs more rape.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-12-09 14:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*Yawns furiously*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-09 14:08:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Add "this post" to your list, missy.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-09 13:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bleh.
bleh bleh bleh.
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This one time at band camp ...
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
tsk tsk tsk
This is the worst place to get called out on using someone elses material. Everyone here knows everything...remember?
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:30:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
Oops, tell a lie, it was Tuesday 4/10/05 at 10:20am. The kids name was Danny in mine and it's written from the mothers perspective. It is still in Taco Bell though.
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So true.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:30:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oops, tell a lie, it was Tuesday 4/10/05 at 10:20am. The kids name was Danny in mine and it's written from the mothers perspective. It is still in Taco Bell though.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I have taken the liberty of showing the folks of uber how to properly decorate and embellish a story so as to "Uberize" it: http://www.ubersite.com/m/79261
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by punkerrjess (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:12:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
nah the last two were all mine
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Bullshit. I had them e-mailed to me about a year ago.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're not funny and nobody likes you.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fucking stupid.
Submitted by punkerrjess (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:12:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nah the last two were all mine
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:00:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
crappy email forward passed off as your own crappy story = -2
Submitted by Cryslynn1 (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:04:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha....I've had my share of embarrassing moments. It's quite sad what I've done to myself in the past.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's nothing. There was this one time, I was standing in the dock and the judge asked me if I murdered some guy. I said yes but they totally took it the wrong way. I'm being raped by Tiny as I write this and man, is his name ironical!
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The turning around and yelling "see, they're just farts!" got it the +2.
The other two stories were good, but the nuts one was kind of predictable.
Still hilarious though.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-09 12:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
crappy email forward passed off as your own crappy story = -2