Loss (1449 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.6 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jeveux... (View user info) at 2005-12-11 22:13:50 EST
I think for the lowest people in society, there is always a moment when everything began to go wrong. I think there is always a moment when all morality, guilt and conscience go out the window and an atavistic desire to preserve oneself takes over. For me that moment was one rainy day when I was 16 years old. In one moment my idealism and my headstrong belief in what was right, left me.
Two and a half years later I am sitting in an apartment in Kings cross. It is really hot in here because Nathan has the heater on at full and the windows are closed and it is a hot Sydney summer. He stands next to his latest batch in his boxer shorts, the sweat trickling down his side. I am lying back on one bed while David undresses a sixteen year old. He is not bothered by the five year age difference and as long as he keeps her supplied, neither is she. I am the model son of a human rights activist and a doctor. and they could not ever believe that I am sitting in a room with a twenty five year old rapist, a thirty year old Chemistry major, and a drug fucked 16 year old girl who has sucked more cock than most people do in a lifetime.
Finally, Nathan stops poking the plate white dust he has set up next to the heater and slips his hand under the mattress. He pulls out an airtight plastic sleeve containing twenty-five little pink tablets.
"Pink Butterflies," he says "Two Hundred and Fifty, these ones are good."
"Do you take Visa?"
"Don't joke with me."
He is asking fifty dollars more than usual but I hand over the cash anyway. The uniformed students of Sydney's private schools will pay that much for eight of them.
"Do you want to try one?" he asks as he tucks the cash back under the mattress, ignoring the bare breasts of the sixteen year old as she slips a hand down David's pants.
I don't try one, I never do. I don't need ecstasy to fuck my brain because I'm already there. I step outside into the warm summer air and light a joint. I breathe hard and within seconds I feel a familiar rush.
It's a short walk to the clubs and already I have people waiting for me. They know I rip them off but they do not care because they went to school with me, or played sport with me or have seen me at parties for years. I am an easy way for them to get what the want and they always come back for more.
My first customer is a high profile model. She says she is eighteen and we pretend to believe her despite the newspaper articles praising her success so young- just sixteen. She knows me well and buys four pills for a hundred.
"Come party with us later," She says.
I sell all twenty-five pills that night; everyone is keen because, like me, they are celebrating the end of a school year. Everyone comes to the clubs after their formal, and after four hours of gossip and bitching, they are ready to escape.
At about 2am I head home; I am not up for a big one tonight and I have to up bright and early for breakfast with my father. I am tired so I take a shortcut. I don't see the addict huddling in the corner until it was too late. She stands up and points a syringe at me. Her face is covered by bruises and there is a desperate gleam in her eye. She is disgustingly thin and clearly an ex street-walker. She is missing one of her front teeth and those she still has are dark and crooked. She says something, it is English, but I can't understand her so I reach into my pocket for the cash. I do not know why, but on my movement she darts forward, plunging the needle into my thigh. I let out a strangled croak, drop the cash and run.
At home I lie in bed and try to sleep. I will get tested tomorrow, I think to myself. Everything will be ok. I repeat these thoughts over and over again, aloud, almost shouting. I cannot hear myself, though, because I am drowned out by the voice in my head asking, "Am I going to die?"
To be continued...
(If anyone wants to hear more)
User Reviews
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2006-08-26 20:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was badass. reminds me of people I know.
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-26 19:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never did +2 this
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-03-07 09:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More please
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-26 12:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-01-26 01:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Eh?
$5 ea. here... that's not buying in bulk
Submitted by Bizantine (user info) at 2006-01-14 19:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"There's no one 'moment'. Ubersite seems to have fascination with 'moments'. Frankly, I think Uber watches too many clichéd movies."
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i agree, but i liked how it was said all the same. nice writing, keep it up
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-20 15:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-20 11:39:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nate just hates everyone and wishes he had a bigger penis so he could stick it in his own ass.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-16 01:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:07:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
dealers cant get eccies at $10 a piece, especially that quantity, and allegeded currency
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NOT only is his reason for -2' ing me retarded but he is completely wrong.
shows how much you know.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-12-15 20:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:07:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
dealers cant get eccies at $10 a piece, especially that quantity, and allegeded currency
***
Granted, the quantity was a little low, but I don't pay more than $8 apiece if I'm buying more than forty. (Chicago/Indy area .. E is expensive at an event 'round here, but even then you won't be paying more than $25 a pill unless the entire party's dry.)
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-12-15 20:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to hear the end of this.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-15 20:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'lowest people in society' ?
economically yes, but lowest people? no.
oh and nate, 'eccies' are about 2.00 in uk.
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
dealers cant get eccies at $10 a piece, especially that quantity, and allegeded currency
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
obviously you have done some drugs, you said you went out to smoke a joint...
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2005-12-15 08:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yup i want more
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-15 06:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's literally something I worry about.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-15 05:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-12-15 03:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad this was on the board as well.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
glad this was uberboarded
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-13 21:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark:
a good point.
in retrospect i would start the whole saga with
"I am sitting in an apartment in Kings cross...."
cool.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-13 21:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think for the lowest people in society, there is always a moment when everything began to go wrong. I think there is always a moment when all morality, guilt and conscience go out the window and an atavistic desire to preserve oneself takes over."
Almost lost me with that philosophy, but I'm glad I carried on.
This needs more spit and polish but overall it was a fine read.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:39:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
4 pills for £100?
Jesus. That'd cost about a tenner over here.
---;;;...///,,.//';;
wow.
In sydney they range from about $20 to $40 each.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:39:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4 pills for £100?
Jesus. That'd cost about a tenner over here.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-12-12 17:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah it's just that the prices where a bit high.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a good read. I'm looking forward to the next one.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uber is too permanent to answer a question like that so EVEN if i had, i couldn't say.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-12 08:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was good, but I really didn't like the addict bit, not realistic and seemed a bit forced, just out of curiosity ever done drugs?
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-12 08:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bite me.
i want to write.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-12 08:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Blimey Jeveux, laying it on a bit thick aren't we?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-12 08:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-12 08:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
to Fabit and a_reader
"Don't ask permission ever, just post what you want to post and fuck what they think of it. "
thanks for advice.
to all of you that posted something constructive (whatever the rating): thankyou very much.
its nice to think we live in a world where internet strangers will help you with something you love.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to see more of this. Don't ask permission ever, just post what you want to post and fuck what they think of it. Good work.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-12 05:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've known people in this sort of situation. Young people anyway. The cause is usually the result of a long period of just being outside the normal mechanics of life.
A lot of the time it's as simple a thing as just not knowing how to do stuff. Not knowing what you feel because you've never been able to explore those feelings in a stable environment, never being taught how to do simple things.
Bad parenting basically. Or abscent altogether. You've got to figure everything out for yourself rather than simply learning off of someone else.
There's no one 'moment'. Ubersite seems to have fascination with 'moments'. Frankly, I think Uber watches too many clichéd movies.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-12 01:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was good, but something is keeping me from REALLY enjoying it. Oh, and when you put "if you want to hear more" at the end, that comes off to me as though you are fishing for compliments. Leave that part out, it isn't necessary.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More, please.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to hear it. AIDS makes for a delicious fairy tale.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:47:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've got a monster in your parasol. I liked this.
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-12-11 22:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story... i want to know what happens next =(
Submitted by rcchristi (user info) at 2005-12-11 22:51:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
tell more, and eff that negative reviewer.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-11 22:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
:)
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-11 22:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
don't want to hear anymore.