Some Day I'm Going To Have To Grow Up (1259 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.63 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LadyPlural (View user info) at 2005-12-11 23:37:20 EST
I'm going to grow up someday
But until then I am going to continue laughing until my face explodes at really moronic things that actual mature people probably just find stupid. This is but a tiny fraction of the stupid things that make me laugh, but I don't think that Bart's servers could handle the entire list. So here's some of them.
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The sight of an otherwise naked man with an erection wearing nothing but socks.
The sight of a man with an erection jumping up and down.
If I saw a man with an erection wearing nothing but socks while he was jumping up and down, I would probably dislocate my jaw from laughing so hard. This would be the Holy Grail of funny.
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According to Wikipedia (and a few other sources, but Wikipedia was the easiest to copy and paste here)
"Basic amines such as putrescine, spermine, spermidine and cadaverine are responsible for the smell and flavor of semen."
The two basic amines to make note of here are 'putrescine' and 'cadaverine'. Both of these are chemicals that are produced by (and smell like) rotting flesh. Yeah, ok, healthy living tissue produces them also, but come on here! ROTTING FLESH! Oh, that's fucking hysterical.
Side note: you can also purchase both of these compounds for fun practical jokes, including adding a drop or two of either chemical into loved ones' perfume bottles, misting their clothing with diluted putrescine, and putting a dab or so of cadaverine onto friends' shoes. Cadaverine and putrescine: They're 'Dear-God-What-Is-That-*Smell*' fun for the whole family.
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During Christmas services, I always snicker to myself every time anyone says "And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon her" or "And the angel said unto Mary, 'The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee." I can't help it. It just conjures up images of metaphysical bukkake sessions, with God and His Holy Host all standing around Heaven, jacking off onto Mary's face.
Wearing nothing but socks.
And smelling faintly of rotting flesh.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kirbage (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thumbs up...
your cooter.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:01:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow,
You're not gonna be laughing when you're burning in Hell for this... unless I'm there too... and erect.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-12 19:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now when they sing "O Come All Ye Faithful" this year, I'll have to hum "Smack My Bitch Up" in my head. I don't even wanna think about "Joy To The World, The Lord has come."
Submitted by Required_Reading (user info) at 2005-12-12 18:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i laugh (internally) at people who hike their pants up very high, aloud at pompous assholes who think they are the shit, when all they are is a shit sandwich
those things you mentioned don't sound very funny.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 18:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I figured that was kind of a given. But in a good way, damnit!
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-12 17:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And whorishness. Don't forget whorishness.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AshK- it's a deal. But only if Circe is included in the shenanigans as well. Because, well, that way we would be an unbeatable trifecta of beauty, wit, and charm.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So many hysterical replies, so little time.
Let's just skip to the part where we have fabulously kinky sexual relations, m'kay?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-12 12:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BOIOIOIOIOING
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:35:54 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd rather read a post about women jumping up and down wearing only socks.
See, that's the thing. When women do it, unless they're super fat, which is just kind of gross, we look cute when we wear nothing but socks. Ditto on the jumping.
The only other exception to that rule is when the woman in question merely has very large bosoms. Then she's likely to bash herself in the face with them, which is of course hysterical.
Submitted by stuckfix (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-12-12 08:29:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:42:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing...but I'd really like to make love to you tonight.
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I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing... but I think unicorns are kick-ass.
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I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing, but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band.
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-12-12 08:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:42:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing...but I'd really like to make love to you tonight.
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I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing... but I think unicorns are kick-ass.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:57:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It just conjures up images of metaphysical bukkake sessions, with God and His Holy Host all standing around Heaven, jacking off onto Mary's face"
AHAHAHAHAHA!!
I've been told that I laugh in my sleep. Fucks me what I laugh about, but there you go.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:30:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe You've got the same sense of humour as me.
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<insert smart arsed comment here>
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd rather read a post about women jumping up and down wearing only socks.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe You've got the same sense of humour as me.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:23:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:16:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
i wouldnt be in a rush to grow up if i were you.
then again im seventeen years old,dropped outta school and have no job.
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What relevance does that have to a married 38 year old woman with two children? You may have missed the point a little.
If it's any consolation, it all gets better from here on.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-12 06:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wouldnt be in a rush to grow up if i were you.
then again im seventeen years old,dropped outta school and have no job.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-12 05:11:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't laugh. This wasn't very funny.
I guess you had to be there.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 01:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And THAT is why some Catholic priests molest the altar boys. It's like communion, only the priest's semen transmutates into *God's* semen.
IT ALL BECOMES CLEAR NOW!
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-12-12 01:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, have another +2 for metaphysical bukkake. I hope the Unitarians realize what they're missing out on, now...
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-12-12 01:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
obviously you don't live somewhere cold; there's very little that kills a mood faster than ice cold feet. Maybe it's a being married and "too old for this crap" kind of thing.
Also, YOU GAVE AWAY THE PUTRESCINE TRICK!!!! Now I have to cross "rotten corpse stinkbomb the central air system" off of things to do to my former workplace.
Anyway, my semen is mostly Guinness, so I'm not buying the whole rotting flesh scent thing.
And oh yeah, that guy out there on the trawler yacht really needs to cover up. Or lose the socks.
Submitted by foodman (user info) at 2005-12-12 01:02:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Holy Trinity Bukkake.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe, you unfaithful whore, I am desolate. And hurt. And I was actually waiting to see if anyone would pick up on that opening and use it. I must confess, however, that my money was on Shlongy being the one to say it.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CIRCE YOU WHORE! POOL! NOW!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stupid shit that makes me laugh: You. Hahahaha see what I did there? Hahahaha..... sigh. I'm sorry. That was a bad thing I just did.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:42:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me sleep on it...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pokey- Hehehehe. Thanks. I like to make people speechless. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in my, uhhh, leg.
What?
Orgasmatron- Yeah, but can you make a poem out of the image? Well? Can ya, punk?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm...God the Father, the Amazing Christo, and the Holy Ghost in a group jackoff session over the Virgin.
Last one to spurt has to eat her, like so much cumdrenched pizza after a fraternity hazing ritual.
Fuck you very much for putting that image in my head.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't think of ONE single goddamned funny reply to the plastic surgeons remark.
Fuck.
I mean really.
How can I make a funny out of that?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 00:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bigmike- Yeah, and think of how I feel. My boyfriend did it the other day, and I laughed for like five minutes solid.
I think I hurt his feelings, actually.
Pokey- I thought that a team of plastic surgeons had already done that. OOOH BURN!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm naked except for black socks and I'm bouncing up and down but my penis is flacid. I need you to arouse it Lady.
Arouse my penis. Make it large. Make it salute!
MAKE ME A MAAAAN!!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You get a 1 because, although this was funny, the image of a man jumping up and down with an erection has permeated my brain.
Thanks.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
packers win in overtime, so i'm not going to read anything.
but i secretly have a secret crush on you. that's' called a double secret.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh for fuck's sake. I'm retarded today, apparently.
It's on like Donkey Kong, you rotting bastard.
At least tuna fish smells like something that's edible. Unless you're allergic to fish, but who cares about those people? Other than them, it isn't as likely to make you vomit!
OOOOOH, WHAT THEN, HUH? HUH?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OOOOH, WHAT THEN, HUH? HUH?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well. This was stupid shit. And it made me laugh.
Do you have issues with the dead flesh creating chemicals within my body that produce a peculiar smell when I ejaculate?
WELL FUUUUUUUUK YOUUUUUUUUUUU!! I have issue with the Tuna-Fish between your legs, BEEEEYAAAATCH!
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:42:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing...but I'd really like to make love to you tonight.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Come on, people. Share the stupid shit that makes you laugh.
Cadaverine: http://www2.mpbio.com/servlet/ItemDisplay?i=4787&catnum=101181
Putrescine: http://www2.mpbio.com/servlet/ItemDisplay?i=23488&catnum=100441
And a random knitting project for your perusal.
http://www.strangebuttrewe.com/knitgi.htm