My Friend, The Fuck-Up (NSFW) (3799 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.09 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr. Sparkle (View user info) at 2005-12-12 09:38:46 EST
You know how it's almost inevitable that you will talk about really weird and awkward things with your friends, but that in the end, it turns out you both think the exact same way? For example, you get into a conversation about your attempts to suck yourself off. After the awkward entry to the subject, it turns out you aren't weird as fuck; your friend has tried to suck his own, too.
OK, that was a nasty example. Suck it up (har har). Getting back to the point, no matter how bizarre or grotesque a concept you cover in your banter, no matter how embarrassing it is to discuss, you eventually discover that the two of you think the same.
Oh, how I wish that were so.
Like any other conversation along these lines, how we got onto the topic is still unknown. However, the subject shifted onto the movie "Cruel Intentions." The question arose: if each of us had a sister, even if she's not a biological sister, as hot as Kathryn/Sarah Michelle Gellar, would we fuck her? The obvious answer is no, right?
...Right?
First, let me give you a synopsis of Bob's character (this isn't his real name; it's just too embarrassing for me to even put his real name here). He has a girlfriend back in Texas (we're currently up north for school) who, in the earlier part of the school year, he was frantically trying to break up with, because, as everyone knows, long distance relationships seldom work (our friend Andrew tells Bob he has a Stage II clinger on his hands; I think this was stolen from "Wedding Crashers"). This is all fair; I probably wouldn't want to go out with someone over 800 miles away most of the year. However, in November, she came up, they shoved me out of the room, and unceremoniously fucked each other dirty 7 times.
For a week after this, Bob was really pleased that he stayed with her, but this all faded when the scent of her vaginal fluid faded from his pillowcase. Now, he's debating whether or not to resume the breakup attempts. For winter break when he goes back to Texas, he initially was going to stay with her at her house (and, I imagine, they were going to fuck each other silly for a month), but obviously, if he breaks up and she's all clingy, it'll be too awkward. He mentioned, however that going back to Texas wouldn't be a complete loss, because he has a cheerleader lined up that he's pretty sure wants his cock deep in her salty love-hole. Man, he's a hell of a guy. Now let's see what his view on incest is:
Bob: I can't believe you haven't seen Cruel Intentions, Sarah Michelle Gellar is HOT!
George: You really do need to see it.
Me: I never see movies. It's a curse, I'm afraid.
Bob: (Googles the movie cover) Here, this is the cover of the movie.
Me: (investigating) She is pretty hot. I concur.
Bob: Man, if you had a sister that hot, would you fuck her?
Me: Well, I certainly wouldn't fuck my SISTER; rather, I would fuck Sarah Michelle Gellar.
George: Yeah, man...fucking of the sisters...that would be pretty un-cool.
Bob: I don't know, man, if I had a hot sister, I'd just get her on the pill, wear a condom, and it's guilt free!
Me: ...Dude. That's incest.
Bob: Not if you don't knock her up.
George: Dude, you would fuck your SISTER.
Bob: So?
Me: Dude. You would FUCK your SISTER.
A little explicit for my taste, but then again, incest isn't in my taste no matter how you slice it. Perhaps the state public relations committee in Texas would be very annoyed for me to announce that Bob is, in fact, a good ole boy from Texas. Between guys like this and Bush, they really have their hands full. MY FRIEND WOULD FUCK HIS (hypothetical) SISTER. I don't think I can emphasize enough what this means. And things only got worse when he started defending what he said:
Bob: Dude, it's completely OK.
Me: No, it's not; it's incest!
Bob: Dude, animals do it, why can't we?
George: The whole thing is, Bob, I'm pretty sure they don't.
Me: Bob, listen to me, WE ARE NOT ANIMALS! This is one crucial thing that separates us from them!
Bob: I'm telling you, it's totally natural! Just go with it, dude!
Me: Dude, not fucking cool, I actually HAVE a sister! I would NEVER DREAM of fucking my sister!
Bob: Come on, man, imagine just coming home from school and getting some, guilt-free.
George: Guilt-free?!?
Oh my fucking God.
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2006-02-12 22:12:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nasty...but good
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-31 23:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank god I only had step sisters...
But the parents still looked down on it.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-25 07:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES BUKKAKE CUM JIZZ SQUIRT DICK GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!! yes
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-12 13:40:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i've given this some thought over the years. i have a very hot stepbrother.
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-12-12 12:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:43:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
...
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's all relative.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Jeanneee is funny on so many levels. You are not. Adapt.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck a real sister? no. nasty.
but that's what stepsisters are FOR- guilt-free in-home fuckfests. all the drama is removed from the sex, because you never have to worry about how "the relationship" is doing (as you would with a regular girlfriend).
now i'm mad at my parents for not divorcing and remarrying people with hot daughters.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT
+1 for porn
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What you need to realize is that someone without a sister would have a hard time imagining what it's like. That's like me saying I would totally fuck Pamela Anderson if I was her son. I mean, that logic works as long as you're not actually her son, but if Pamela Anderson really was your mother you'd be disgusted to think of her in a sexual way.
Anyway, this post kinda sucked. And by 'kinda', I mean 'really'.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:59:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAY GUYZ WUT'S GOIN ON IN THIS THREAD?!!1
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eww.. and animals only resort to incest when kept away from others of their species. think rats in small cages that don't know that other rats exist. or dogs that only see a few dogs throughout their entire life. they only keep it in the family when there's nothing else available. however... if sarah michelle gellar was my STEP sister, i'd probably do her. but i'm fucked up.
Submitted by fearandloathingnAFG (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Today would have been a great day if I hadn't seen that.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cool friend you've got there. Not only is sibling incest an abomination, it's also a crime in all 50 states.
Of course, I can't really hate on you too much for having freaky friends - yesterday my friend James told me that a guy came up to him in a MARTA station and offered him a part in a low-budget gay porn, and he accepted the offer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's all relative.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had the same conversation with my friends.
All I can say is I'm lucky God choose not to test me in this way. This could've been a good post. Unfortunatly it wasn't.
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My penis is bigger than that negro cock.
And that's about the only positive thing I have to say about this post.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yikes!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:24:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
dickhead.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Good post so you don't get the full -2 but
AUTO -2 NIGGER COCK
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:50:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
your friend is just joking...i hope.
______________________
I promise you, he isn't. This happened roughly a week ago and he still stands by his statement.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck those guys, i thought it was funny.
your friend is just joking...i hope.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
good post.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bye.
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-12 09:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you mentioned "sister" and "fuck" in a few too many sentences