Damn It Santa, I Didn't Give You That Blowjob Last Christmas For Nothing (2337 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.81 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Manicmother (View user info) at 2005-12-12 14:21:09 EST
Dear Jolly Elf Fucker,
It's been another long year and the time has come to make my demands. I was a good girl this year, facing a range of challenges including an 8 hr trip to the ER on the eve of Mother's Day with my oldest, camping with crazies from some internet site, moving my family of four, dealing with anal retentive preschool moms and their committees, and bolstering the ego of my overly stressed husband changing companies during the busiest season in the restaurant industry. I haven't asked for much <ok I've begged for a babysitter from time to time> and I've given ALL of my time to make sure that my family is happy and cared for.
Now you fat fuck, it's my turn to get something....
I want a weekend where I can just go and not have to worry about naptime, preschool time, or waiting for the chef to come home after a 12 hour day just to get a break. Somewhere nice......like a resort that doesn't allow kids.
I want someone to do the never ending laundry that multiplies in the dark like a rabbit with a perpetual hard on. Folding and ironing is definitely a must. I'm sure you've got a spare elf or two after that unfortunate incident with the Viagra in the punch at last year's Christmas Sex Org..... ummm Party.
I would like for once to be able to read a book without getting interrupted every other paragraph by bickering children. Bring your whip for this one, Santa. Child molesters need not apply unless they plan on leaving as a eunuch.
And last but not least: Some sanity and a little patience, because I plan on using up what little I have of both to get me through the month of December and part of January as a single parent while the husband is in Florida <FUCKING Florida, the lucky BASTARD> to train with his new company. It'd be really nice to start the new year with some balance and even better for HIM to come back to a wife who isn't barking mad, frothing at the mouth, and chained down for her own protection.
Thanks in advance,
ManicMother
P.S. You come through for me and I'll make sure those photos of you and Rudolph in the reindeer barn are safe for another year.
User Reviews
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-02 21:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa looks favourably on milk and cookies, so I hear.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-08-13 01:50:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A friend of mine likes to dissect the psyche of imaginary figures of people.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-07 12:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
howdy doody
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-06 11:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was damn good quality stuff.
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:15:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:47:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty nice...
Oh, BTW. That was Shlongy wearing that Santa suit.
YEE Haw.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You locals and your little chats abotu who will call who....
I AM LONELY DAMN IT!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:37:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok- emailed number
let me know if you didn't get it
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:08:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
X, I can't find your number. Shoot me an e-mail with it at manicmother1.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be waiting like a 16 yr old boy getting his first phone call.
Well, not really but you get the idea.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:08:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll call you this evening, X-man.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 09:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey M-
Since I have tons of free time, I'm avail to entertain. Also, I have something you might like. You know the digits.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-12-13 07:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Blowjob.
Some people say I have a one track mind.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-13 04:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-12 21:47:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa says he doesn't remember it. And he wants me to do research to see if you earned it. Call me to set up an appointment.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-12 19:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-12-12 17:31:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have kiddies so can do what I like..!
But you know there's the good bits to motherhood my girl.
----------------------
Yes, you're right. It's called domestic labor, but that part comes later.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-12-12 18:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can we get a little sanity here for us hard working parents!!
Didn't think so...
Better give him another one this year!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-12-12 17:31:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have kiddies so can do what I like..!
But you know there's the good bits to motherhood my girl.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-12 16:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:40:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
As Wichita Falls so falls Wichita Falls.
hahaha. I still don't know if I really liked that movie or just thought it ok. I think I will need to watch it agin. It was entertaining.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2005-12-12 16:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-12-12 16:08:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hows about giving me a knob job this year?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's weird. It's like something out of that twilighty show about
that zone.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VI
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Homer: No TV and No Beer Make Homer ... something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!
Treehouse of Horror V
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's to hoping Santa comes through.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:42:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:22:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
There, I posted. Now shut the FUCK up, Xcuses.
-------------------------
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha <breath> hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
----
wow, you must be getting mellow, you don't even post as MANICMOTHER anymore...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sympathy +2.
in other news, mine is approaching 8 - I feel some sense of sanity returning.
It'll happen - I promise!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-12 15:11:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for the title.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. Stupid "Not-smart-enough-to-remember-your-last-rating" website.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:45:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://boston.craigslist.org/cas/117313816.html
-----
Was that placed by She-who-shall-not-be-named?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn It Santa, I Didn't Give You That Blowjob Last Christmas For Nothing
Dear Jolly Elf Fucker,
-----
Does this make you the Jolly Elf Sucker?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://boston.craigslist.org/cas/117313816.html
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:22:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
There, I posted. Now shut the FUCK up, Xcuses.
-------------------------
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha <breath> hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:42:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for anger
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:40:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As Wichita Falls so falls Wichita Falls.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:40:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once had a Santa tell me I could have whatever I wanted... If I sat on his face.
I've been Jewish ever since.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HO HO HO.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Jolly Elf Fucker,
You had me there. Incidentally, where in Florida is your husband going to be training?
Because I live there, and I will happily suggest places for him to visit so that you at least have the satisfaction of knowing that he's visiting, like, The Biggest Pile Of Cow Dung in the world and things like that, not going to beaches and having fun.
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this didnt kick all ass but i was smiling.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:29:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You made me laugh a lot. nice.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the title was really good, but the content didn't make me laugh as much as I expected.
Then this gem: "P.S. You come through for me and I'll make sure those photos of you and Rudolph in the reindeer barn are safe for another year."
Fucking A. +2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:27:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They blocked Uber where I work. It's probably for the best.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:24:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
Glad to see you're posting again.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how's it going?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-12 14:22:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There, I posted. Now shut the FUCK up, Xcuses.