Always wash your clothes after you buy them. (5625 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.85 on 156 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MeTHoD (View user info) at 2005-12-13 10:42:58 EST
Previous dating disasters
http://www.ubersite.com/m/34694
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40325
Some people might think that I'm a slob. Some people, well, some people make me look like Martha Stewart. My place is a mess until someone comes over, but when no one visits for a few weeks, you'd think that a herd of stampeding buffalo had trampled through my place.
When it comes to clothes, though, I'm usually pretty clean. I tend to only wear things once, unlike some horror stories I've heard from people, and I don't think I've ever 'febreezed' anything.
One evening, I had a lovely little date with this unbelievably cute little blonde who had an ass that wouldn't quit. I actually dug this girl, so I put on my A game. Flowers the day before, sweet talk, dinner, absolutely no talk about my gay internet life, which usually comes out when I'm incredibly drunk and I tell a girl "Soups on, bitches" right when, well, the soup comes out of the kitchen. The date was planned at the last minute, and I didn't want to chance running home and looking for clean clothes, so I went to the store during lunch and bought a whole new wardrobe for that evening, including socks and underwear.
You know, less chance of holes and eventual embarassment.
I was a top contender to get in her pants. Nothing could go wrong.
We had a great time, polished off two bottles of ridiculously expensive wine, which, I might add, she had chosen.
Fucking bitch.
At the end of the night, we headed back to my place, laughing like retards and hanging all over each other. I still had not managed to say anything stupid, and things were looking good. We headed upstairs, opened the door, and started going at it like two wild animals, knocking shit all over the place and scaring the piss out of my dog. We stumbled into my bedroom and, being the little tomcat that she was, immediately went for the gold. Her hand fumbled with my belt buckle and my zipper, and at the moment when her soft, cold hand wrapped itself around my wang, the angels started singing and somewhere in Africa, a starving Ethiopian kid found a roast beef sandwich some missionary dropped in a ditch with all the fixins.
Did it have anything to do with my penis?
Probably not.
But that's how fucking glorious it was.
She giggled and dropped down to her knees, and I prepared for the inevitable.
What happened next was unexpected.
"What the fuck is that?"
"What's what?" I drunkenly slurred.
The lights were dim, and the only light coming in was through my bedroom window. For some reason, this broad was examining my dick closely, looking at something.
"Oh My God, what the fuck is that on your dick? It's like a.....a......oh my god, do you have some sort of fucked up disease?" She said disgustedly as she stumbled to her feet and put her clothes back on.
The first thing that I thought, of course, was that I somehow sprouted some sort of disease that I was previously unaware of.
So, naturally, drunk and curious, with my pants and boxers around my ankles, I bent over to look at my dick as closely as I could in the dark with my back towards her and my hands on my hips. For some reason, I was embarassed to show her my front side since she had just seemingly found a new strain of ebola on my penis, but showing her my Goatse stance seemed quite fine at the time.
"WHAT THE FUCK, ARE YOU TRYING TO SUCK YOUR OWN DICK?"
"No, no, I'm just looking....." I replied as I saw the deformity on my penis that she had seen.
It was a quality check sticker. A fucking quality check sticker that had come off the inside of the brand new boxers I had bought that day at the store and right onto my fucking penis.
The words "Q.C. 23 Passed" kept me from getting some quality ass that night.
"No, no, come back, it's only a quality dick!" I shouted at her drunkenly as she made her way to the door, all the while meaning "quality check". Things were just getting better and better.
"Yeah right, fuck you, asshole. Next time let a girl know you've got a fucking disease. People like you should be fucking shot." She venomously replied as she slammed the door behind her.
I have kept that sticker on my wall ever since, just to remind myself that no matter how good things are looking, something, somehow, will inevitably go wrong when it comes to me and girls.
User Reviews
Submitted by dithered (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:12:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Some people might think that I'm a slob."
-----------
Some people also think you're a flaming, greasy cockfiend with the IQ of a paint chip and nothing but failure and displeasure in your future but no one's making Ubersite posts about it.
<3
Submitted by jaker29902 (user info) at 2008-01-21 19:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, awesome to the max
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is this?
Hump Method's brain day?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-01-21 18:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
twenty fucking three.
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-10-30 13:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-07-06 08:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe - read it before - still quality
Submitted by ChurleR (user info) at 2006-01-16 03:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for greatly amusing me.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-12-21 23:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
she was referring to what she thought was small dick syndrome ahhhahahahahahahaha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaahahahahaha
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAH THE OWNAGE Is THICK ENOUGH TO BE CUT WIth a KNIFfe HAHHAHNAANAJJAjAJAJA
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-21 23:31:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The ads on this are for "incontinence underwear". How did they know my next post was going to be titled "Have you ever shit yourself in a club?"
Submitted by RePet (user info) at 2005-12-21 23:27:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, that sucks.
It was +1 until "quality dick."
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-12-21 23:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be on B@W.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Method: help me out. I'm looking for a new site to go to. I like ubersite's layout, but I want something that's a little less bogged down with gayness. I've tried forums and message boards, but that's for like discussions and gay shit, I want a site where people post and review (but not pulsehead, that shit's gay). Know of anything like that? Reply on my last post, would ya...
Submitted by Pelvis_Man (user info) at 2005-12-16 14:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, I meant it to be a +2
Submitted by Pelvis_Man (user info) at 2005-12-16 14:16:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sith happens...
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
Submitted by nightshade (user info) at 2005-12-16 00:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You poor guy
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-12-15 17:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bang wop ching har!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-15 09:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh sideburns you crack me up.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-14 19:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice little joke with the MVA thing, you know, insinuating that I prefer anal sex. I won't let it get to me, because frankly, I , ..a,d,d,d,
fuck, i'm out of juice. Screw you, bitchface titeater.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-14 17:04:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch. Tough break.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-14 15:34:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As promised: http://www.ubersite.com/m/80993
There is no fucking way you can handle this.
Submitted by soccer (user info) at 2005-12-14 15:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-14 12:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Jimmo.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Yeah, great post.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:45:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi Thorpe,
Try this link out (not my point):
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62369
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:34:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:01:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
the plane engine went through the time warp thing and into the house killing him and preventing everything after that from happening ie gf getting killed by car and evil bunny getting shot.
-------------------------------------
Goddammit I know THAT much.
Submitted by ama (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your stories.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the plane engine went through the time warp thing and into the house killing him and preventing everything after that from happening ie gf getting killed by car and evil bunny getting shot.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-14 10:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She does...at least she did when I banged her.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-14 10:43:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can make up your own entire theory about that movie, and it would be just as plausible as any other theory that's ever come up about it.
I want to bang Drew Barrymore, she looks like she has such a sloppy mouth.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-14 10:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All I got from it is that Drew Barrymore has never looked better, and that I have to check over my shoulder every ten seconds in case that fucking rabbit is standing in the corner.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-14 09:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just watched Donnie Darko and have no idea what happened at the end there.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-14 09:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-12-14 09:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-12-14 05:18:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inspected by #2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-14 05:00:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-12-14 03:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This Method/GLALL thing looks to be fucking hilarious.
>sits back, waits for hilarity<
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-13 23:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-12-13 23:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha thanks i needed that
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-12-13 21:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nah if she was drunk she'd have shagged. Chicks notice my herpes all the time but I get them too drunk and they mumble something along the lines of
"fuck it...let's go."
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-13 20:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold!
By the way... she must've been REAL 'tarded or those lights must have REALLY been dim for her to not see it was a sticker... who's ever heard of an elliptical-black-circle-appearing-on-your-dick STD anyhow?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.... and somewhere in Africa, a starving Ethiopian kid found a roast beef sandwich some missionary dropped in a ditch with all the fixins.
hahahahaha
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry dude, I'll suck your cock.
Speaking of suck, you heading to Dan's place this weekend?
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but at least you have a quality dick...
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Cuz I think I'm gonna take you up on your offer... you know, scroggin' your sister.
I guess the post was kinda funny too.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Somewhere in Africa, a starving Ethiopian kid found a roast beef sandwich some missionary dropped in a ditch with all the fixins.
Did it have anything to do with my penis?
Probably not."
That right there is some silly shit
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good show method.
Submitted by CRUNKY40 (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:47:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rape her next time.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smooth move, ex-lax. Whatcha gonna do for an encore, shit nickels?
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't believe it! but funny anyway.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time you go on a date, you should put that sticker back in it's proper place and see if you get the same reaction.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:44:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Make sure you take full advantage of making fun of my camwhores please
That's probably too easy for a warrior of GLALL's stature.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Make sure you take full advantage of making fun of my camwhores please
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha do your thing man, as long as you keep me laughing, you sick fuck
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:43:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does the Pope wear a funny hat?
What kind of question is THAT?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:38:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Basically it won't be so much a battle, moreso me owning you and anyone who gets in my way when I post tomorrow.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:36:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just think you're retarded. This is just me killing time until I get off work, and do stuff with my real life, unlike you, who probably goes home, eats string cheese and swiss miss bars, and cries while they watch hentai porn until 2 in the morning. That's why I keep re-iterating for you to wait until tomorrow you block-headed cocksucking piece of shit.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ya know, upon further thought, this whole internet battle thing is extremely fucking gay.
Are you high?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice one, Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait...GLALL...you're "making the gay move on Method"?
He's "going down on you"???
That's what I got out of your last review.
I thought this was supposed to be some kind of battle...it now appears that you two just wanna date each other.
Color me disappointed.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tomorrow will be your undoing, and I will reign supreme over ubersi.....that's fucking lame.
I will be the king of the inter......
I will masturbate to gay...........
YOU'RE GOING DOWN.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You stay out of this Bootfuck/Method. Remember that I am the one who named you in a drunken bout of trying to concoct the perfect baby name for rad.
Submitted by twentyseventy (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what kind of vapid retards do you date?
Submitted by Zerobootfuck (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who is this Godlovesalittlecock fag? I swear, some people around here have no fucking lives.
Go out and get some pussy, you fat drunken hicks of the jury.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:08:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. - I LIFT WEIGHTS LIKE RICHARD NIXON STAYS DEAD. THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This should be fun.
Ladies first, shitbomb.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I'm ready for the alters Shlongy, I'm ready to deal with the barrage of -2's that are prepared to come my way, and I'm ready to grasp what's left of Method's dick in my hand, squeeze it tightly, and blow it's crushed remains from my hand into the winds of time.
It will begin tomorrow.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:54:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
must have been a really small sticker
hahaha fuckin Loki, I love you, you're such a bitch
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:47:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Little does anyone know that I was a black belt in kenpo for weeks, and have crushed internal organs all with the power of my internal energy.
-------------------------
immodium AD maybe?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
must have been a really small sticker
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have an idea; let's do both. There's nothing I like better in the morning than the smell of my enemys flesh torn asunder, a morning star embedded in his skull, while I howl my victory to the seven faceless Gods.
Plus, I'm a hitwhore. Let's do it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But GLALL, you seem to forget, when you pick a fight with Method, you also must battle his army of "alters" and by last count, that could be in the hundreds.
Are you prepared for that test?
I hope you eat steroids like others eat Lay's Potato Chips.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:47:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this, probably about a woman who hates you after some embarrasing sexual encounter, but I just want for (M)ethod to know that one day, possibly in the near future, when we meet, depending on how drunk/high I am, I will physically take you down. You see fuckface, I don't give a shit about posting or all this jibber jabber shit that goes on with drama and whatnot, because I am a man. I only cooperate because I am searching for an opponent. You see, I'm a godamn warrior Method, and aside from apollo with his fat head and girlish hips, you are the only person on this site worthy of challenging me. Little does anyone know that I was a black belt in kenpo for weeks, and have crushed internal organs all with the power of my internal energy.
Sure, badass talks about shooting animals, which hey, that speaks volumes towards being a real ruffian, and teephphah is a cannibal, but you my falafel-eating faggot, you have been selected by me to defend your honor. There is no greater thrill in life than battle, and nothing more beautiful than the scars that come from after.
So either we can settle this like men, or we can have a bitter post-battle that lasts for months and gets each of us enough hits to overtake bart. The choice is yours.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:33:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:15:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
<------ Katie Has A Penis
----
I'd hit that
-----------------------------
Yeah, w00t I made MVA. ahahahaha..
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:15:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
<------ Katie Has A Penis
----
I'd hit that
Submitted by dorga (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Right.. +2 for sure, but it was most likely a skin-tag NOT a sticker she saw on your wang you l00zer!
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who didn't +2 this! One of your alters, who?
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:10:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I miss dating.
=-=-=-
hahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahaha... whoa, that was funny.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
maybe she mistook it for one of those wart away stickers. hmmm....
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sure it was a sticker. sure.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more foreskin.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:05:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you bought an entire outfit right down to the boxers...for a date. awww...
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:42:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold
Submitted by windowsrcold (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HaHaHa that was some funny shit. My boss thinks I'm some kind of retard for laughing at nothing now. Were not supposed to have internet access. I think I will tattoo that on my dick though. QC Passed 23...lol Quality dick!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and well hey if the lights were dimmed she probably didn't get the full rectal exam view... maybe could be second date time. just with more alcohol.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:06:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
"showing her my Goatse stance"
--------------------------------
I'm a b-boy
standing in my goatse stance
hurry up and giveme the microphone before I bust in my pants
The mad author of anguish
My language, polluted
Onyx is heavyweight (and still undisputed!!)
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being disease free
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"showing her my Goatse stance"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I, too, have never seen one minute of a Star Wars episode.
Let's all go hot tubbin' together!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, ya know i've found one of those on a dick before. i just kinda put it on his forehead and kept going.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got a great idea for a post G. Our e-mails. Whadda think?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither.....have......I......
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i know not the language of star wars, good sir.
believe it or not, i have yet to see one of those movies.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ya know fudgie, that's how Anakin turned into Darth Vader. All that pressure.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:26:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
She wasn't mad about the sticker, it was the oozing sores next to it that freaked her out.
--------------------------------------
No, It wasn't the puss that freaked me out...I mean 'her' freaked 'HER' out. Shit.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She wasn't mad about the sticker, it was the oozing sores next to it that freaked her out.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i expect perfection from you, method. which explains why i am being so critical.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:09:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
eh, endings are overrated anyway, it's the meat and potatoes that count.
-
if we're going with metaphors here.........what good are meat and potatoes if you don't have a nice cold beer to wash them down afterwards?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<------ Katie Has A Penis
Nice, you Greek homo.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:15:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Flowers the day before, sweet talk, dinner, absolutely no talk about my gay internet life, which usually comes out when I'm incredibly drunk and I tell a girl "Soups on, bitches" right when, well, the soup comes out of the kitchen.
---------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That made me laugh so loud, I had to walk outside. Now, back to the post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I miss dating.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh, endings are overrated anyway, it's the meat and potatoes that count.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:07:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah that's what I was getting at, not that it seemed rushed but that given more time you could have come up with something far better for an ending.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There was nothing else to say, how was it rushed? The ending might be shitty, but it's not rushed.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Method, be honest man, you rushed this towards the end didn't you?
Submitted by punkerrjess (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:02:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:48:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
I woke up one morning with one of those stickers hung up in my hiney-hairs - it wasn't fun removing it, either.
-----------------------------
How in the hell do you get one stuck in your ass-hairs?
Funny shit, still.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking hilarious.
You poor dumb fuck!
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weee doggy!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well then, slap my ass and call me Sideburns.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cute story. but i find it hard to believe that a girl would run out like that due to a sticker on your wang. i don't know of any STDs that look like quality control stickers. except for G.R.I.D.S.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, that was funny. The funniest thing I have ever read in the month of December. And I mean any December that I have ever read something.
This is great:
"absolutely no talk about my gay internet life, which usually comes out when I'm incredibly drunk and I tell a girl "Soups on, bitches" right when, well, the soup comes out of the kitchen"
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Method knows how to write posts with content? I thought you left those to your better alters.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh. Quality.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
EWWWWWWWWWwwww COOTIES!!!!
*giggle*
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:35:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the angels started singing and somewhere in Africa, a starving Ethiopian kid found a roast beef sandwich some missionary dropped in a ditch with all the fixins.
--------------------------
I laughed, i cried
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:22:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
...sense of humor is probably not #1 on the list of What Method Looks For in Potential Sex Partners. -----
I'd say "stripteasing" likely is. Just search for that in his posts....
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:28:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:22:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
...sense of humor is probably not #1 on the list of What Method Looks For in Potential Sex Partners.
-----------------------
No, #1 is: Are they a carbon-based lifeform?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quite all right ol' chap, it's going to happen regardless.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BAD, STUPID HADLEY!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really sorry.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:23:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, fucking fuckity fuck.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:19:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Absolutely, all my alters have benefits and 401K's, as well as three weeks paid vacation.
-----
Only three weeks? I've racked up 18 in just over three years....
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're probably better off without her anyway. Sounds like she has zero sense of humor - although I dare say sense of humor is probably not #1 on the list of What Method Looks For in Potential Sex Partners.
Submitted by ramenforsupper (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet. But I don't work Mondays. Monday is my day of rest (it's a Jew thing).
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:19:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Absolutely, all my alters have benefits and 401K's, as well as three weeks paid vacation.
Submitted by ramenforsupper (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel underused by my primary user.
Can I be your alter, Method?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha fuck you
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"something, somehow, will inevitably go wrong when it comes to me and girls."
-------------
Maybe you should test the waters of free agency, Method. I hear a lot of teams are needing a good catcher. ;)
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@mylittledeskhereinconnecticutfreezingmybigfatassoff.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sucks dude.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"No, no, come back, it's only a quality dick!" I shouted at her drunkenly as she made her way to the door, all the while meaning "quality check". Things were just getting better and better.
________________________
How did you not notice this thing on your dick?
Submitted by Tank_Ass (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:05:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, haha, soup's on!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Harsh. Hope you get some.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As the chief QA person on my team here at work, I approve of this post.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:55:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This bitch sounded too uptight. You can do better. She should have known you don't have teh Hiv...I mean, your cock did have the quality control stamp! That's good enough for me.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOH HOOH
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:53:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If this is true, then what else can I say but
BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
On a completely unrelated topic, if a woman ever tells you in a stern voice not to cum in her mouth, you shouldn't laugh after ignoring her and doing it anyway.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:48:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bullshit.
But funny.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute... MY MOM IS INSPECTOR #42 WTF?!?
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate STDS!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
so seriously, what STD do you have?
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bullshit.
But funny.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:48:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I woke up one morning with one of those stickers hung up in my hiney-hairs - it wasn't fun removing it, either.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If it isn't true, it should be.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 10:47:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inspected by #42.