End of Days - the end of the world is nigh (maybe) (850 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Belle (View user info) at 2005-12-13 11:01:26 EST
It's a fair assumption as I look out now on the world to see countless natural disasters and man made horrors that we could be entering the end of days... again.
I see riots breaking out all over the world from France to Australia... ok... so, not really all over the world, but in a couple of places.
There are wars galore, just name your country and you've probably got some atrocity or other going on. From genocide to um... oppression or something - whatever, it's a big world and there are a lot of things we can do to each other to annoy and upset.
Natural disasters - earthquakes, floods, tornados, forest fires, droughts, um... and all of those horrible things.
Lets also not forget the man made accidents - like the fire burning still at the fuel depot in England, and those mine collapsing on the Chinese... it's all very disturbing - especially now since they've reported that the pollution in the air is making the sunsets redder - remind anyone of blood from the skies? Anyone? No?
You could say that the earth is a living thing, and as it lives millions of years it's metabolism is a little slow and it's only now kicking its immune system in to get rid of us - the measly little bugs trying to kill it.
Or, you could say that God is angry at us, and this is all to prove some kind of point about being nice and holy and good... if you're into that sort of thing of course.
Of course, you could always go down the route of declaring all of this a bizarre set of coincidences and that none of it is related.
Whatever... but I'm not so sure... you see, we've been told to look out for these things time and time again but hundreds of wacko's and nutjobs - from Nostradamus to Jebus to Agnes Tipplebottom (clairvoyant to the stars).
Maybe, just maybe they're right.
So I did some research, and I found this - and now its got me really worried.
He obsesses with rape and the pool of liver,
Will find a vessel to bare his seed,
To Elvish home he will travel,
And we will watch the Rivers bleed.
(Nostradamus Quatrain 24)
Now, I'm no expert - but I'm reading that as some Liverpudlian who likes to talk about rape and Liverpool football club a lot, will travel to the home of the elves.... (or could it be Elvis? Eh? Eh? See where I'm going?), will find a woman he can bang up... and then we're all doomed. Now, it doesn't say that he's going to breed the antichrist, but it's not a far leap of imagination to realise that that's what Nostradamus meant.
It's also in the book of Revelations - it talks about the seven seals and the four horseman of the apocalypse - but if you do a bible code bit of wizardry across the pages, you can clearly see the following message appear:
"BEWARE THE SCOUSE IN US REPRODUCE"
Now, for years that's been interpreted as a a warning to not be "scouse like" i.e. theiving, cheating bastards, but I can clearly see now that this again relates to Apollo and his travels to the U.S so that he can continue his search for a woman to produce the fruit of his loins!!
It's a fucking mess - he's gone to the one place in the world where they'll find his accent exotic... and they're stupid enough to fall for his underhand ways of getting women into bed like "do you come 'ere often like, eh, eh, calm down?" and "Wanna shag, eh, eh alright, calm down like?".
My God! There will be no stopping him...
I'm telling you people - we're nearly there - the end of the world is nigh... APOLLO IS GOING TO GET LAID AND WE'RE ALL DOOMED!
I'm sorry J, but you have to be stopped.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-14 13:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My word I am an attractive young gentleman.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Extremly well done
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:38:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, great. Now he knows we're on to him.Years of planning and tracking him flushed down the toliet. Thanks.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny.
Also it looks like I've been called to arms. You know the old saying send a Thief to catch a thief well I'm sure the same applies to US Brits. although in this case it would of course be have a Brit already waiting to catch a brit but I'm sure it still applies.
Yes finally my dreams of saving the world come true.
basically mbstateside YOU are Keanu Reeves....................YES!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:20:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
How did you shrink his head to fit those horns?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
heathen
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or maybe it just means he's gonna stab Joan Rivers.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loki, its just starting to come out into the limelight - thanks to my new book - the Apollo Code.
The evidence is mounting... its a scarey time indeed.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The diabolical Apollo force must be stopped. The last time he came into the country, I alerted Homeland Security but he's a slippery bastard and got into the country anyway.
Has anyone else noticed that England waited until he left the country before they changed their alcohol laws?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"do you come 'ere often like, eh, eh, calm down?" and "Wanna shag, eh, eh alright, calm down like?".
hahahahahah
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Que serah, serah...
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CUT OFF 'IS JOHNSON!!
Oh, and I'm a "wacko" or "nutjob", eh? http://www.ubersite.com/m/79279
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is absurd. It's by far the most ridiculous thing I've ever read.
Apollo isn't going to get laid.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:25:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Smithens (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:24:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Class
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:12:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MOG! MASSACHUSETTS = SALEM = WHITCHS + APOLLO + KINKY (but brief) SEX = FREAKISH OFFSPRING!
BELLE COVER YOUR EYES! SATANS CROW IS COMING FOR YOU!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:11:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*wipes a tear away* Beautiful.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-13 11:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's found one, from Massachusetts or something.
THis is the funniest post you have ever made Belle. Ever.