Goodbye old Hoss, I'm a leavin' Cheyenne. (1141 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.63 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Is My Stapler (View user info) at 2005-12-13 12:35:31 EST
Dear Zakalwe
Dear Orgazmatron
Dear Jeanneee
Dear TigerLilly
Dear Pentameter
Dear Nitty
Dear JackMc
Dear BigMike
Dear Circe
Dear Saxon
Dear Thorpe
Dear Sphagnum
Dear Williamson
Dear Hairsphincter
Dear Cookielass
Dear Berty
Dear Appollo
Dear Davros
Dear Shlongy
Dear Badassmofo
Dear Sassmasterr
Dear Bart
Dear JMG
Dear Whatthehell
Dear MANCIMOTHER
Dear Method and McGinny
Dear Fartsmeller
Dear Axolotl
Dear Fabit
Dear various Wookies and Darth dorks
Dear FilthyAssistant
Dear C1ndy
Dear electrictoothsyndrome
Dear Merlina
Dear ih8u2man
Dear Ajanssen
Dear Loki & Dear Loren
Dear Wardy
Dear BillSBChamps
Dear Fat Tony
Dear Lisa
Dear ruthless
Dear Cornugget
Dear Xcuses
Dear Everyone else, Alters, n00bs, MVA's and the lot of ya;
I'm outta here. Have to go do my time in the pokey. (Fitting, eh?)
I've worn out my welcome here anyway.
Merry Christmas. I'll tell the Crips, The Bloods, The Aryan Nation and the Latinos you all said "hi."
Don't worry. I won't let the door hit me in the ass on the way out.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-15 02:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wait, what?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-18 18:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:57:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that the Pirate ship from 'The Goonies?'
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No no. Tis the Blue Peter emblem.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-15 14:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is unfortunate.
Be careful.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2005-12-15 06:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know I'm a bit late on this but good luck and my advice to you is to either act like you're totally fucking crazy and a danger to yourself and others or make them think you're suicidal. This way at least you'll get thrown into iso or kept under close observation and you won't have to worry too much about your pooper.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeps
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-12-14 13:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get your shit pushed in.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-12-14 13:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR HAR sad
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-12-14 13:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Must be goin to County. You dont get to wait before you do your time unless youve got a Fed case. Holler at me sometime jackass. If its going to be a minute Ill get some money on your books.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-14 04:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I made the list.
Good Luck.
-Dave
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-13 22:20:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*went IN, even
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-13 22:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Luck.
Advice: Read. The best thing to do with your time is to work out and educated yourself. Come out better than you went it. It's only as bad as you make it ......
May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face.
And may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars.
Cheers.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-12-13 21:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, bro. Sleep on your back, and keep the soap firmly in hand at all times.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-12-13 20:22:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Category: Romance. That's goddamn funny, right there.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry to hear that man, Keep your shit hard and hope we see you back here soon.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF?
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:02:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck. You will be missed.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll send you some whores for congical visits. It's the least I can do.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Luck, Jason. We'll be waiting for you.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:01:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright nobody else has offered, so here goes.
tell me the name of the prison, and I will get a job with the firm who designed it, then steal the blueprints, and tattoo them my body. After that I will rob a bank and be sent to the same prison as you. Next I will befriend the italian crime lord, and my spic cell mate, set up the rapist skinhead for a beating, and get my drugs to fake diabetes from the black black-market guy.
after that I will have all of us put on the same work unit and we will start tunneling out. by this time your prison sentence will be up, or the next season of prison break will be on and I will know how to get you out.
==================================
I <} you man!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright nobody else has offered, so here goes.
tell me the name of the prison, and I will get a job with the firm who designed it, then steal the blueprints, and tattoo them my body. After that I will rob a bank and be sent to the same prison as you. Next I will befriend the italian crime lord, and my spic cell mate, set up the rapist skinhead for a beating, and get my drugs to fake diabetes from the black black-market guy.
after that I will have all of us put on the same work unit and we will start tunneling out. by this time your prison sentence will be up, or the next season of prison break will be on and I will know how to get you out.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
grim reminder that I'm waiting to find out if i'm gonna have to bandwagon your post. unfortunately my stay won't be that short a period of time, and no one here will miss me.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:41:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey well i can send ya free porn. well if you're allowed hardcore... ah nm.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Up to one year, less with good behavior. I doubt you can get e-mail in jail, somehow.
I don't have long hair, I don't drink anymore, and I SURE as hell didn't rape anybody. Not my style man. When I want a woman, I just take them forcefully.
Oh....wait....
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Keep your cool, keep your shit together, keep your colon intact, keep your head screwed on straight, keep your mouth shut, keep your eyes on the clock, and remember every night means another day gone.
Hang in there, man.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:49:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
can i e-mail you while you're in the clink?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit. *sympathetic noises*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:44:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who is going interview random inanimate objects and the odd diety or two? Who is going to make me feel better about my life by allowing me to compare to their absolutely shitty one? Who will post seventeen times a day, minus Fartsmeller?
If you're going to county jail: Have fun watching television and playing basketball. Seriously, how long are you going in for? Sucks about Christmas.
If you're going to prison: When someone tells you to go in and start a fight with the biggest meanest guy you can find, to prove yourself, don't listen. When the guy with tattoos on his face and knuckles says he wants your lunch, just give it to him, dinner's not that far off.
Try not to fight unless and until they tell you to bend over or open up.
Keep your head down. Good luck.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:16:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have a buddy beat your face to a pulp before you go, you don't want them to see you all pretty and stuff.
---------------------------------------------
+2 for ed norton and 25th hour. +2 for ebola... but seriously, he doesn't need to get beat up, he's already ugly.
nothin' but love, though... in a hetero way, of course.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, if you email me the address of the maximum security prison, I swear to Christ that I'll send you a carton of cigarettes in the mail. I promise.
You'll need them to try and keep your sphincter free and clear.
Ciggies= prisons' monetary units.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have a buddy beat your face to a pulp before you go, you don't want them to see you all pretty and stuff.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, when are you heading in, how long?
Other then watch your cornhole, my only advice is if you have long hair I would cut it first.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That whole Jean Bennet thing finally caught up with you eh?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're going to jail? i don't get it.
who did you rape?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-13 13:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too bad. You were a good poster.
Come back when you get out. In the meantime, keep your head down, do your time, take up a hobby to keep you occupied, make as many friends as you can and as few enemies as you can. Definitely keep a journal so you can post it on uber when you get out.
Peace be with you, G.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:58:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell 'em Large Marge sent ya.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that the Pirate ship from 'The Goonies?'
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn it its a lowercase b
When you get there tell 'em ya know me and you'll be fine
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
how long?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*cries*
Auto +2 for use of the word "hoss."
Here's to hoping you don't become someone's bitch.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Right. I'm gone. Merry Christmas to everybody. This'll be my first one ever alone and in a cell.
Can you say "suicide watch?"
Nah. Not me. But it's gonna be fucking miserable.
Later.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't drop the soap.
That's all I can tell ya.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Listen to the last song on Offsprings cd "Splinter" it will tell you how to make it through prison.
When You're In Prison
Offspring
when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
keep your back against the wall
when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
do not bend at all
oh don't pick up the soap, pick up the soap
it's bad for you
oh don't pick up the soap, pick up the soap
someone will be waiting there for you
when you're in prison be sure to stay awake
always lie upon your back
when you're in prison be sure to stay awake
keep you from attack
oh don't be no one's bitch, be no one's bitch
it's bad for you
oh don't be no one's bitch, be no one's bitch
they won't help you make it through.
when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
follow what i say to do.
when you're in prison, don't turn the other way
you can make it through
you can make it through
you can make it through
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ooops. Sorry Teeph. It's hard to think of everybody.
Thanks for the tips, but no jailhouse booze for me. Booze is what's got me going in the first place. I'm a teetotaler now.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you were filed under "other"
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:43:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck.
ANOTHER popularity list I didn't make.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, that sucks dude.
dont forget prison wine!
http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000373.php
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, though, watch out inside. Keep your head down, do your time, and see if there's something to be learned in there. Best of luck, man.
How long are you in for?
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:40:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Godspeed, Hoss.
Take care of yourself. Hope to see you back one day.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:39:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! Second on the list.
Make connections on the inside and have someone post a message or two on here telling us what you need. Smokes, a fifi, a cork for your much-ogled starfish, whatever.
And read this before you head in. It's essential if you want to get a good buzz behind bars:
http://www.blacktable.com/gillin030901.htm
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:39:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:37:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
The slammer. The klink. Cellblock C. House of the rising sun. Doing the Jailhouse rock.
-------------------------
Aye, the stoney lonesome.
Submitted by pfs4life321 (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:38:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have fun
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NO. :(
Don't leave, I like it when you post, fucker. NOoooooooooooo
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The slammer. The klink. Cellblock C. House of the rising sun. Doing the Jailhouse rock.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch your cornhole, bud.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 12:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm actually quite offended that I had to share a line with MickGinny.
Where ya goin?