MistressFists's Ultimate Guides for Teens (wording semi NSFW) (2588 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.78 on 67 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MistressFist (View user info) at 2005-12-13 14:00:19 EST
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-06-10 23:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-03-21 15:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious
And deeply disturbing to hear there is actually a book about anal
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-03-21 15:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-21 14:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"truck full of slut."
BWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:38:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
(Reads all the clever comments and freezes up with performance anxiety)
I... uhm... I like you....
("Oh god, I'm so embarrassed.. this has never happened to me before..." "It's okay, baby, we'll cuddle and try again")
=====================================
Mmm... Circe-licious.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(Reads all the clever comments and freezes up with performance anxiety)
I... uhm... I like you....
("Oh god, I'm so embarrassed.. this has never happened to me before..." "It's okay, baby, we'll cuddle and try again")
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this the first time around?
And this line in your review- "What if I'm one of those gem sweater chicks?" - just made me choke on a triscuit. Whenever I'm down, I visit Sweater Girl's site. She's completely secure in gold spandex pants, we all should be.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And by "rate" I meant RAPE, of course.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dayamn! Can't believe I didn't rate this the first time round...
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:46:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you this naughty in person? Very entertaining.
=========
Survey says, "Yes."
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you this naughty in person? Very entertaining.
Submitted by PizzaEagle (user info) at 2005-12-18 04:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was hoping for an actual guide to anal. But still +2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-12-15 19:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just don't tell anyone about my bumps.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-15 16:33:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-15 16:26:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I should really write a true account of all my sexual exploits.
--------------------
while were young girl, while were young
=============================================
It might actually be longer than a Hemingway chapter.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-15 16:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I should really write a true account of all my sexual exploits.
--------------------
while were young girl, while were young
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-14 15:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So am I.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-14 15:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, do it. Ubersite loves sluts - I should know, I am one.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:35:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
No, that's not me. I only wish I was that hot. Then maybe Method would have blown a massive load on my face instead of going soft after 3 minutes and starting to cry.
=================================
This has happened to me.
I should really write a true account of all my sexual exploits.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, that's not me. I only wish I was that hot. Then maybe Method would have blown a massive load on my face instead of going soft after 3 minutes and starting to cry.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:13:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:08:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
But in all fairness, she does a hell of a striptease, I must admit.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75337
======================================
I want to be a lesbian now.
If that is actually her, good show. If not, then still good show.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:08:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But in all fairness, she does a hell of a striptease, I must admit.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75337
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:04:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:56:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha ha...I love this shit. Actually yes I really do like him and even love him. He doesn't Uber, and knows very little about it. Isn't that the oath? Don't tell others about Uber?
What happens when I do my camwhore, and you think I'm butt fuck-truck ugly. What then? I guess a brown paper bag will do, right? What if I'm one of those gem sweater chicks?
I'm not BTW.
-----------------
I wouldn't care, you are cool as shit and I would fuck your brains out regardless of your shovelface/deformities/morbid obesity.
By the way, don't listen to Jeannee, she's a horrible lay. She couldn't even get me to bust a nut after four hours.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 13:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-14 12:54:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in love with you. I don't even care that you're obviously an alter. Let's run away to Canada and get married - I'm a way better lay than Method or Shlongy.
===========================
Contemplating..yes...yes... I've always wanted to go to Canada.
Sniff, sniff. But I'm really not an alter.
Must do camwhore montage this weekend.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-14 12:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in love with you. I don't even care that you're obviously an alter. Let's run away to Canada and get married - I'm a way better lay than Method or Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-14 12:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This "chick" gives me office wood.
I'd better go have some drinks at lunch.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 12:37:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-14 12:30:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Paper or plastic?
=========================
Paper. You can even cut a mouth hole for teh skull fucking.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-14 12:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Paper or plastic?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:51:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you Old man Winter, she's mine! MINE I SAY! SO WHAT IF SHE HAS A PESKY HUSBAND?
Wait, do you even like your husband? Because I don't live too far from you, we could have a sordid little affair and he would never find out. Unless he visits Ubersite. Then I'll have to kill him
===========================================
Ha ha...I love this shit. Actually yes I really do like him and even love him. He doesn't Uber, and knows very little about it. Isn't that the oath? Don't tell others about Uber?
What happens when I do my camwhore, and you think I'm butt fuck-truck ugly. What then? I guess a brown paper bag will do, right? What if I'm one of those gem sweater chicks?
I'm not BTW.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you Old man Winter, she's mine! MINE I SAY! SO WHAT IF SHE HAS A PESKY HUSBAND?
Wait, do you even like your husband? Because I don't live too far from you, we could have a sordid little affair and he would never find out. Unless he visits Ubersite. Then I'll have to kill him
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:31:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where's Tigerlilly? This chick deserves one of those TMI interviews, complete with a cleavage camwhore.
===========================================
TMI would be awesome, but I'm not sure if I am worthy yet. But, it would get rid of those pesky alter rumors, perhaps.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ewwwww.
Shlongy is meant to be enjoyed "open faced", if you catch my drift.
Leave Method out of it and you have yourself a deal.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:31:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 10:53:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ozzy/Saxon: Thanks for the compliments. Ozzy, I'm actually a virgin to anal. I told my hubby that after we were married, I'd give it up. I still haven't made good on that deal. He's pretty mad now.
---------------------------
<lifts jaw from floor>
Where's Tigerlilly? This chick deserves one of those TMI interviews, complete with a cleavage camwhore.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:24:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the better posts I've seen in awhile
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Me thinks I would like to have a Shlongy/Method sammich.
<as I furiously powder my strudel>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to Method...he's one of MY alters, for chrissakes.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-14 11:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're one of my favorite new "authors", if anyone of us can be deemed as such.
Dont listen to Shlongy, this isn't an alter, and I should know. I have a nose for these things.
Keep up the good work!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-14 10:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty: I'm actually from New Jersey, born and raised.
Ozzy/Saxon: Thanks for the compliments. Ozzy, I'm actually a virgin to anal. I told my hubby that after we were married, I'd give it up. I still haven't made good on that deal. He's pretty mad now.
Jack11058: Thanks for noticing my rage. This site is a great conduit for my seething anger.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-14 08:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-14 07:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-14 05:34:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-14 05:18:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Traumatising. I liked it.
Although, in every piece of humour, there is dark truth. And that worries me.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-14 05:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I right in thinking that you are an Australian?
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-14 04:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you open to divorce and immediate remarriage? I promise to only demand anal once a week, I'm housetrained, the colony of crustaceans in my pubic hair is nearly all gone and I even cook.
Seriously though, I'm starting to enjoy your posts.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny, you have to be the best of the noobs ive seen so far.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:20:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Text is never NSFW.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny, yet brimming with rage.
i like the cut of your jib.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the dude abides.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i call not a guy, and not an alter.
OMG teh W0M3nZ mad3 teh funn13 p0s7!!!...>?????11
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i still think you're a guy. i guess they were right about dudes pretending to be girls on the web.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:29:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
you have the time to put this crap together but not the camwhore montage?
===========================================
If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it right. I just need some time with my digital camera and peace at work to load it. I can do these other "shit" posts right here at work.
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:29:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:15:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:12:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
1) This is kinda funny
B) Which alter is this? Is it me? Method? Hmmmmm....
=======================================================
Here we go with this shit again. As soon as I have time to do a "not an alter" camwhore montage, you fuckers will shut your pie holes once and for all. Then, people will know that MistressFist is indeed a woman, and not an alter.
But, thanks Shlongy for the + rating. That was cool.
=-=-=-
you have the time to put this crap together but not the camwhore montage?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:26:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:24:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, if there's a lick of truth to your "muff" - get it? - I think I probably want to bang you.
Only thing is, that you'll have to get in line with the rest of my Uber harem.
========================================================
I'll wait my turn. For now I'll just finger myself, and dream a Shlongy dream.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, if there's a lick of truth to your "muff" - get it? - I think I probably want to bang you.
Only thing is, that you'll have to get in line with the rest of my Uber harem.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:19:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
This woulda been a +2 if I still wasn't half-convinced that you have a dick.
===============================================
I assure you that I am 100% muff. Although now that I'm married, I can't really camwhore my vag and all. But if I were single....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This woulda been a +2 if I still wasn't half-convinced that you have a dick.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
beats what the public library has to offer...
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:12:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
1) This is kinda funny
B) Which alter is this? Is it me? Method? Hmmmmm....
=======================================================
Here we go with this shit again. As soon as I have time to do a "not an alter" camwhore montage, you fuckers will shut your pie holes once and for all. Then, people will know that MistressFist is indeed a woman, and not an alter.
But, thanks Shlongy for the + rating. That was cool.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They should offer these as part of the Scholastic Book Club.
Would'a changed grade school so, so much:
"Hey, I got the copy of the Guinness Book of World Records I ordered! Look at me!"
"Whatever, man - I picked up Deepthroating With Braces!"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1) This is kinda funny
B) Which alter is this? Is it me? Method? Hmmmmm....
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:14:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:07:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
that's scary indo....
------------------------
I actually don't have it anymore, I bought it for my roomate when I was in Indonesia. It was kind of akward when I was going through customs, because it was the only time I got stopped, but they didn't look at it.
The illustrations were scary. It was done by some feminist who didn't like to give people body complexes so everybody was fat and hairy. It still frightens me when I try to sleep.
<ejaculates>
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for the imagery.... something about ron jeremy and a buttsecks manual following my lunch hour.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wrong!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:07:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
that's scary indo....
------------------------
I actually don't have it anymore, I bought it for my roomate when I was in Indonesia. It was kind of akward when I was going through customs, because it was the only time I got stopped, but they didn't look at it.
The illustrations were scary. It was done by some feminist who didn't like to give people body complexes so everybody was fat and hairy. It still frightens me when I try to sleep.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:13:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rate the post.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
that's scary indo....
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:04:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're a dude and you suck
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
check on amazon, there actually is a "complete guide to anal sex for women"
and yes I own it.