What's in a Name: Orgasmatron (1974 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: whats_in_a_name
Rating: 1.78 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2005-12-13 14:54:02 EST
I am the Orgasmatron, and here I sit today,
I know not if my next appointment will be straight or gay,
Behind these doors of teak I rest, secured on shelves of black
But soon the doors will open and I'll see my share of crack.
Long ago my maker, Dr. Blomi, had a dream:
He yearned to pleasure people with a deftly-made machine,
And after years of tinkering, of toil, tears and tests,
He fashioned his first prototype that targeted the breasts.
Its name was Tit-o-lation, and it took the world by storm,
Blomi even went and partnered up with Maidenform,
With a purchase of a bra you'd get a Tit-o, too,
It had two colors: aubergine and periwinkle blue.
For months they'd heard the promises from marketing machines
About how it was guaranteed to make you moan and scream,
It hooked up to the nipple and it gave a little zap
And within seconds there would be a puddle in your lap.
The second quarter earnings by themselves made Blomi rich
And offered women everywhere a way to scratch their itch:
For prudes who wouldn't finger, o's were button clicks away,
For nymphs who loved to cum it let them shudder night and day.
"Tits are too pedestrian," the doctor thought aloud,
"I need to build a better toy to service any crowd.
Why should chicks thrust toys and rub? Why make men use their fists?
Why don't I build a master tool and spare the worlds' wrists?"
He locked himself away and set about his epic task
Accomp'nied by his iPod, Maxim mags and whiskey flask,
He texted with his lab and had his interns bring supplies,
The special parts he needed to work magic 'tween the thighs.
He started with an engine from a beat up Karmann Ghia
And coupled that with motherboards he stole from North Korea,
With wratchet turn and hammerfall he joined a batt'ry pack,
He coated all with primer and a layer of glossy black.
This negro monster stood, then, humming, live with new potential
And that's when Blomi added fine accessories, essential,
But not before one final gift, the one he could not spare:
He tinkered with my wiring and made me self-aware.
Atop my curved exterior he placed a row of dicks
A varied line of pleasurestaffs where peeps could dip their wicks,
My face, the front, he studded with a dolphin for the clitties
It flipped and flopped and circled like Republican committees,
He padded up my sides so thighs would not be burnt or chaffed
And even had a safety switch so no one could cry "rape,"
Twin robotic arms shot out from under my device
To twist a nipple, thumb an ass or slap you once or twice,
Along one side he built a row of lubricated slits
To offer man and lez alike the joy of naughty bits,
My other side he drilled in holes and turned them into bungs,
The puckered assholes waiting, tight, for fingers, knobs and tongues.
Holes and dildos, all, had varied sizes, shapes and hues,
And there were further options made for everyone to use:
A string of pearly ben-wah balls could be tied to my saddle,
The backside hinge and hitch could hold a heavy, wooden paddle,
A pair of plastic feet were made for footjobs, slick and bare,
And nozzles shooting fake sperm could be loaded anywhere.
Finally the day had come, and Blomi reared his head,
He faced the waiting public and through smiling lips he said:
"I show you now the future, friends! Come feast your eyes upon
The greatest show on earth or moon - the one Orgasmatron!"
He made but one, and he made me, and I sit proud and brave,
I pleasure men and women with the toys the doctor made,
In no store can you find me, to the mountain you must go,
But once you're naked, in my hold, you'll have no greater O.
The things I've seen would bring me pause if Blomi gave me morals
But, as such, I work the customers and give them anal, oral,
And countless other jollies, sending heartbeats on the rise,
I lead to curled toes, flushed-red faces, rolled-back eyes.
At night I sit and wonder 'bout you people, in my closet:
My guts receive more sperm each day than banks receive deposits,
My back is coated slick with she-juice, wet with female ooze
I'm glad that I'm self-cleaning or I'd surely sing the blues.
It's amazing what you people do to give your parts a tickle
You'd think a hundred bucks a throw would make you somewhat fickle,
Yet, you pay, you always pay, and I, of course deliver,
And find a way to make you quake, to shudder, scream and quiver.
I am the Orgasmatron, let all men know my name
And every woman know my touch, for everyone's the same,
Thanks to Dr. Blomi I'm the best at what I do,
Ah, my closet opens. Who's my client? Is it you?
Google result for "o-face:"
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-02 16:35:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"In no store can you find me, to the mountain you must go.."
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-28 15:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well orgasmo... I realize most everyone here finds me ignorant and racist, both of which I'm not, and I admit that certain negative feedback I've received from you has caused me to hate you with no real reason and making me not want to read anything you've written (I know huge loss for you right?) But after reading this, I'm compelled to read everything else you've written and to compliment you and inform you how truly impressed I am... well-done.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 17:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I imagine I should take that as a strange form of praise?
Not to disappoint, but they're all individual pieces. Genuine articles.
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2006-03-31 17:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the first piece of your work that I actually entirely read. Very good, makes me wonder if you copy your material from something.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My face, the front, he studded with a dolphin for the clitties
It flipped and flopped and circled like Republican committees
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa Voltage drops in to pay a visit to the little boys and girls.
HERE'S A +2 LITTLE ONES! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! HO HO HO!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:20:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
grtezsedsgds
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-19 12:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-14 15:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:38:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:23:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-14 08:38:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST!
How in the hell do you have time to come up with wonderful shit like this, being that the Ubermas Round II deadline is tomorrow night?
I mean....wow. Nicely done. I envy your free time.
----
What do you think I do at the office all day...work?
----
Well someone has to cook the fries.
===================================
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a young man named Greene
Who invented a fucking machine
Concave or convex
It could fit either sex
And would jack itself off in between.
Submitted by gtrrkicw (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty good...
I didn't even realize it was written in rhyme until like 3/4 the way through
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:38:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:23:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-14 08:38:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST!
How in the hell do you have time to come up with wonderful shit like this, being that the Ubermas Round II deadline is tomorrow night?
I mean....wow. Nicely done. I envy your free time.
----
What do you think I do at the office all day...work?
----
Well someone has to cook the fries.
Just kidding. Don't kill me. *hides from impending anti-HV poetry*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-14 08:38:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST!
How in the hell do you have time to come up with wonderful shit like this, being that the Ubermas Round II deadline is tomorrow night?
I mean....wow. Nicely done. I envy your free time.
----
What do you think I do at the office all day...work?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-14 08:51:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I've just never heard good poetry before.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-14 08:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST!
How in the hell do you have time to come up with wonderful shit like this, being that the Ubermas Round II deadline is tomorrow night?
I mean....wow. Nicely done. I envy your free time.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-12-14 08:34:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-14 01:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
simply perfect
Submitted by damage.com (user info) at 2005-12-14 00:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are under surveillance for acts of awesome. We control the time frame here. There will be no discussion or commitment, until we have taken possession of your awesome. You cannot run or hide. The awesome shall be ours.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 23:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
An audio book would be the cat's ass, actually.
Some of these things make more sense when read aloud, anyway.
Submitted by Jack_Burton (user info) at 2005-12-13 21:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-13 20:56:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any plans on making an audio book?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 20:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You got a better name for a giant black sex machine, munk-pants?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-12-13 19:43:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck. did you just say negro monster?
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-13 18:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=113451123393813525#1740874
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:31:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I always look forward to your work
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always look forward to your work
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whore yourself out, because your poems are the best laugh on the internet my good man.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:27:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you *do* end up doing an ode to each Uberuser, can I have one? Pretty please?
*flutters eyelashes*
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's hot.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-13 16:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, I think that is my favorite of all your poetry. Well done.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to be given this treatment.
Oh, and write a poem about me too. Oh snap!! I know you didn't see that shit coming! Damn!
Seriously, I think a sonnet would capture me perfectly. A nice sonnet, singing the praises of my manliness and what an awesome overall guy I am. Throw something in about my, umm, my...
Maybe a haiku would do the trick.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure if it's cause I didn't get any for my birthday...
Or the three weeks before....
Or the (almost) last week since.....
But this made me horny
DAMN YOU!!!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You certainly do have a way with words my good man
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:25:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Confuzitron -- You'd be right. It's Motohead all the way.
JonnyX -- I wanted to include a picture of a Sybian, but damned if the web filters didn't prevent me.
wardy -- Another poem? You were expecting WHAT from me exactly?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so , what, you're just a tricked-out Sybian with a racing stripe, is that all?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
wow... another poem...
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ever considering writing a book, releasing a cd? i'm willing to bet you could sell Uber-related songs (Shenanigan Pie as the headliner... hell I'd buy it) or a collection of all your literature.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-07 11:29:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe I should write an ode to each user and post two or three a week.
I'd be raking in the hits then, I tells ya.
--------
Heheh. Mine would be easy. All you'd have to do is replace the sexual euphamisms with stuff about confision. Although it would barely get any hits.
Anyways, here I was, thinking that you named yourself after the Motorhead album!
But yeah, pure gold as always.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:06:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do me, since we all know I'm an attention whore and have no life outside of this website
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent as always.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-13 15:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You lost me.
Somewhere around stanza four, I think.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 14:59:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Inspired by:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80583#1730510
The first of a series?
Will I flirt with becoming a hitwhore?
Do I dare eat a peach?
Will 2006 be the year I sell out?
Stay tuned, readers.