Loss (6 and 7) (717 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.88 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jeveux... (View user info) at 2005-12-14 15:42:25 EST
I'm not really sure how this will work on its own so for all of you who don't know what i'm talking about, i'd start here, http://www.ubersite.com/m/80825 or parts of this will be hard to folow.
Anyway you have been warned.
list of Loss posts: http://www.ubersite.com/u/jeveuxgagner
6
Ilona is just waking up. For a change she is in her own bed, which is nice, because as usual there is another warm body next to her. She is awake far too early, in her mind; the hands on her TAG Heuer wristwatch indicate its ten o clock. She wakes up Steven, (she thinks his name is Steven) and tells him he has to leave because she is leaving for New York in an hour. Steven is used to this treatment because this is not the first time he has slept with a model. As the scout for an international department store, he has had some of the most beautiful women on the planet. And some who just think they are beautiful. Steven doesn't know that Ilona is sixteen. He doesn't know that she bought four ecstasy tablets last night and took two of them. In fact, despite his cosy job and good looks, there is a lot Steven doesn't know.
Ilona is sorry to leave her Elizabeth Bay apartment. It was the first thing she bought with her money and she delights in the knowledge that she lives in a more elite, trendier part of Sydney than her parents. In fact, when she is honest with herself (the only person she is honest with), she knows the only reason she bought it was to show her parents how wrong they were. Becoming a model was the best thing she ever did. They said she would regret her decision, but Ilona doesn't really understand regret.
* *
7
"For what?"
"Err..." The girl looks confused.
"You said you were sorry," I say, "but you have nothing to be sorry for." I can see she still has no idea what I'm talking about. I do that to women, I have quite a way.
"Forget it." A fresh start.
"I'm Jake."
"Amy."
"Tough night last night?"
"Yes."
"Me too." I look down at the take-away coffee cup in my hand, it is almost full. I put it under the bench, while maintaining eye contact. Maybe she won't notice, I think.
"Would you like to go and get a coffee? I know a nice place down the road."
"Umm, ok then. I mean, why not?"
"Great."
This is the first time I've had coffee with a girl for years, and I surprise myself by enjoying it. Amy is a smart girl, and very pretty. She was at the clinic because her boyfriend of over a year, with whom she did not use condoms, turned out to be less faithful than her. He had cheated on her with a few girls from other schools, and she doesn't know if it was safe but she got her test back today and the clinicians are confident she is not sick, but that does not mean she is happy. She feels sick and she feels stupid. He cheated with private school girls; she says, you know, the virtuous ones: they smoke cigarettes but not marijuana, and they have sex, but only with the boys with the richest daddies. She doesn't know that I have been private schooled all my life. Despite this, she impresses me but before I can ask for the number of her phone, it starts to beep. She reads the message poker faced; I cannot tell if it is good or bad news.
"I've got to go," she says, "nice to meet you Jake." She smiles and it is not a phoney, but beautiful, and it stuns me for a moment.
"Bye," I croak.
By the time I rush out onto the street to find her she is gone.
User Reviews
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-03-07 09:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
more please
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-26 13:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-20 11:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
private school girls smoke weed... alot. and do alot of e. but you're right about richest daddies.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-18 23:49:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno.. I kinda liked the last paragraph.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-16 01:06:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WHO WANTS TO KNOW MY HSC MARKS????
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-12-15 20:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit, I demand you write the rest of this NOW so I can read the rest.
Good series.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-15 08:56:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I cannot die.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-15 08:53:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For a change she is in her own bed, which is nice, because as usual there is another warm body next to her
0-----------------0
Didn't like that sentance.
Good to see Spam about, I thought he was dead or something.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-15 07:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't comment on the last few, I was reading them too quickly; somehow I evaded verbal heartburn. Excellent job.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
woot!
i just got offered a job.
i'm done with unemployment (for now.)
i'm so looking forward to eating again.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn curtains.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
spam if you WERE stalking me you would know i am naked.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
I AM drunk, that -2 wasn't even left by Boomslang. Woe.
I am going to stop camping your posts now before you think I am stalking you.
(nice trousers by the way)
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
spam:
i read your comment then re-read the post.
"He cheated with private school girls; she says, you know, the virtuous ones: they smoke cigarettes but not marijuana, and they have sex, but only with the boys with the richest daddies."
What on earth was i thinking?
ouch it hurts to read it.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:32:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:29:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
weakest of the series - That last paragraph is fucking horrible, it seems to consist of sentances that are stretched out to breaking point with a plethora of and's, but's and commas.
---
On the re-read, perhaps that's not it. Dunno, still hated the last para but I can't seem to explain why (too drunk).
Ask Snark - He's Canadian.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-14 23:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
weakest of the series - That last paragraph is fucking horrible, it seems to consist of sentances that are stretched out to breaking point with a plethora of and's, but's and commas.
I would score this Zero, but for the second time tonight, I rate +2 to cancel out the negativity below. Pay no heed to Boomslang, from what I gather he is actually pretty harmless, just a notoriously stingy rater (which is of course, his perogotive - don't forget that).
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-14 21:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would have placed her in Double Bay, rather than Elizabeth Bay
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-14 20:57:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Point taken, Lady plural, thanks.
i was a little worried about this particular installment, i think others are more enjoyable.
and to the negative reviewer:
you'd enjoy it more if you didn't read at about two words per minute. die.
and don't give me this "can't take negative reviews shit," i can, but just not from piles of shit like you.
i fucking warned you not to just read this installment. if you didn't want to read all of them, then don't bother reading them and don't waste both our time by rating.
to reiterate, die.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-14 16:34:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, but please try and post chapters that are a little bit longer, please?
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-14 15:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You should have flushed this with the rest of your last bowel movement.
Post again when you have talent.