Pinging the banjo (1662 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.92 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <lossy boy> (View user info) at 2005-12-15 10:16:54 EST
I though id better share my story as it is far to embarrising to share with people i actually know
I had been going out with my girlfriend for about two months and all was going well she had to go on a trip out of town which meant i could have a night out with the lads and get plastered.
I came in after that night on the town and after some heavy drinking i was my usual down syndrome self, incoheirent, dribbling and unable to put a proper sentence together, but i did manage to pull and bring a girl back. She was very horny and as planned early on in a nightclub - we get it on, with only one small differnece to the norm, that being this was not my girlfriend. So she straddles me, reverse cowboy style with virtually no fore play (unless you count foreplay as me grabbing her tits and her arse on a dance floor one hour previous) this meant she was dry as a rape victim, and before i could even get a hud on, she lined her self up with my rock hard fella similar to how a carpenter would line up a screw to a hole with threads to small for the screw (with great difficulty) and then let gravity do the work ...... the pain i felt went past the screaming stage and reached the "almost silent whinsing and whining phase where only dogs can hear.
I felt and i swear i heard the "snap" and what was clearly a pain groan to anyone watching, for the young lady who had just commited GBH on my foreskin it was a pleaseure groan and instead of stopping, tried to ride me, in turn increasing the amount of blood spewing out of my cock then inturn her vagina.
this is the conversation that took place shortly after
Her "oh my god im so sorry"
Me "ooohhhhh" groaning noises
Her "thats never happend to me before"
Brain " how embarrising... i need a hole to swallow me!"
Her " i didnt think it was time yet, must be early"
Me "Eh?"
Brain "surley she doesnt think its her, bleeding"
Me "thats ok, dont worry about it"
She clambers off me and stumbles off the bed to the bathroom
Me "you OK?"
Her "Yeh, im gonna clean up then go if thats ok"
Me "OK"
Her "......... uh oh OK"
Im pretty sure she wanted me to say "dont go i want you to stay" or something or at least have an another motive, such as at least i might get some head. But the fact was that i had a cock that was throbing with pain and the only reason i hadn't cried yet was the fact i had company, company that i didnt want to know about my damaged foreskin that would later become a story told a social events between my freinds and my freinds friends and my friends friends fri..... well you get the picture!
So she left after thinking it was her on her period that caused all that blood and not my ripped foreskin and so then i breathed a sigh of releif and uncoverd my knob from the conveniently purple sheets - i suddenly went very dizzy i took about 8 paracetemol - put my head down back on my pillow and passed out. I was woken by my girlfriend the next day after her trip away, i was lying naked wrapped up in sheets and covered in blood with an unused condom lying on the floor.
I had quite a bit of explaining to do that afternoon!
User Reviews
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-15 14:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm sorry you were hurt. not really.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:20:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear penthouse,
Blah blah blah.
Regards,
Some fucktard.
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:12:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
author hasnt been graphic enough, it can happen, but it isnt the foreskin that tears, it is the frenelum, like the thing you have under your tongue, that tears, it holds your foreskin to the cock, and if it gets torn off, no big deal, you get yourself an emergency circumcision, most people in the US dont even have the thing he is referring to, gets cut off at birth
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just can't believe you {tore?} your foreskin on a pookie. Was this real and can that happen? Also you talk funny, in a good way.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:22:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for the horrible, rampant grammar and punctuation errors.
+2 because your penos got PWNED.
-2 because you cheated on your girl.
+2 because after all that drama, you still didn't get fucked.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't go any higher than this because of the writing style. Could've been a very funny story.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
That's karma motherfucker, cheat on your bird and your dick will get pwned.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:32:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude. Taking paracetamol/tylenol/acetaminophen when you've been drinking is seriously toxic to your liver.
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
did not know that was possible
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:27:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sympathy +1
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:24:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
'my usual down syndrome self'
You said it.
Actually, fuck that. I have more respect for the spaccers than I do for you. Don't ever do them that disservice again.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That's whatcha get.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:22:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 For being a pussy and getting injured by sex. Even dry sex, thats pretty lame dude.
-1 For cheating.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for the horrible, rampant grammar and punctuation errors.
+2 because your penos got PWNED.
-2 because you cheated on your girl.
+2 because after all that drama, you still didn't get fucked.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear penthouse,
Blah blah blah.
Regards,
Some fucktard.