Boredest at work contest (1044 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 1.45 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Cleanfornow> (View user info) at 2005-12-15 10:49:19 EST
In the following, I will present circumstantial evidence that I am the bordest at workest Uber loserest.
My job is ridiculously cushy. I probably do about 1 hour of actual work in a given 8 hour day. This is primarily my own fault. If I got off my ass I could find lots of work. There are many opportunities for me to make productive contributions here. I would enjoy the gratification of being more of an asset. However, having been royally burnt, twice, at previous jobs that I then quit, has triggered a vicious cycle of apathy.
I was not always so lazy. I was driven and ambitious years ago. I worked my ass off and criticized all the lazy fucks whose slack I was picking-up. I had tons of responsibility; I was the boss, the project leader, a hero, the go-to guy. Everybody hated my guts.
At my first real job I saved the day one too many times. In retaliation, upper management called a big company-wide meeting. 1200 filled the auditorium as one of the particularly lazy fucks was given a "Recognition" award for his work. Problem was that the work he was being recognized for was work that I had done. And, everyone in the auditorium knew it. I got the message and wrote a gracious resignation (no need to burn bridges).
I quickly found a better job where essentially the same thing happened. In this case I was transferred to another location 40 miles away and not given a move package. Declining the 3 hour round-trip commute, I found myself back at square one after 12 years. Managers can't stand hard working successful people under them.
So, now at job number 3 I do the minimum. My boss is too busy to bother with me and I can do this simple job standing on my head. The pay is pretty good and I have job security, health insurance, dental, retirement, and matching 401k. I get excellent reviews and am frequently complimented on what a good job I do. I am currently up for the Plant Manager job and figure I have about a 50/50 chance of getting the promotion. The Irony is beyond belief. What to do with the 7 to 8 hours a day of idle time?
Thank God for computers. I spend hours each day researching and trading stocks and mutual funds. This year I made more money doing that than I did from the job. Unfortunately I can't spend the money until I am 55.5 years old. To others, it looks like I am working as I daytrade. The same is true as I read the postings on Uber. Ubersite is truly great, it is easily the best thing on the internet that Websense allows access to. People wonder why I am laughing, I just shake my head like it is an inside joke. In addition to wasting many hours on Uber I keep up with the news by surfing BBC, CNN, and FOXNEWS.
The internet also allows access to crossword puzzles. I do two LA Times crosswords online during a typical work day. The local paper supplies a third puzzle. It usually takes about 10 minutes to solve each one. More recently I found Sudoku puzzles online www.sudoku.org.uk/ and in the local paper. I am still learning, so these take about 20 minutes each to solve.
The internet abuse is bad. But, much more pathetic is time wasted on the limited games available on Windows (I can not load software of my own on my work computer). I particularly like Minesweeper and FreeCell. I play these games a lot, really a lot.
This is where I make my case for being the most extremely bored at work. I started at game 1 on FreeCell, after I solved that hand I went to 2 and solved that. I sequentially worked my way up to game 6712 over a couple of years. If I lost a hand, I replayed it over and over until I solved that hand before progressing to the next hand. Then my computer was replaced and the new computer has different FreeCell hands, so I started over at game 1. I am now on game 811. I can complete an easy hand in as little as 45 seconds. Occasionally, a difficult hand will have me stumped for hours. There are 100,000 games; it will take years to do them all.
That is not all. I also play Minesweeper a lot. For this I try for record time in solving the expert level. I have cleared the board in as little as 161 seconds. Do you have any idea how much practice it takes to be able to that?????!! Can you amateur slackers top that as the ultimate in slackatude?
User Reviews
Submitted by PommyTom (user info) at 2006-12-18 23:46:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Hammy_Bob (user info) at 2005-12-16 00:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok post, good topic. I left work for 2 hours today to play in a basketball game...in the company rec league. And that's 2 hours i get paid for. I'm not really sure that counts as being bored at work...more like working the system.
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-12-15 21:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ill join the B@W bandwagon
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-15 18:25:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hope Rajiv and Sanjay don't take your job...
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-15 17:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My school network banned this site. Bad times
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-15 17:43:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
34 bucks an hour? Shit, I'm in the wrong business.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-15 16:11:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:12:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I pretty much spend my day avoiding people. The less they see you, the less work thay can give you.
================
I wish I had that luxury. My boss sits 10 feet away from me. I don't have much work, but he drives me nucking futs with stupid shit.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-15 15:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in-between jobs so I have to say I'm pretty bored not-at-work
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-12-15 15:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I woke up from my after lunch nap to read this??
Washington post has a good sunday crossword if you need more work to do.
Submitted by alragusa (user info) at 2005-12-15 15:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent!
I usually fill up my day with web browsing, using AIM Express and listening to the radio. My job is 40% ad-hoc projects, so I just take my sweet-ass time. Oh, and I come in an hour late everyday.
Work is bullshit. I'm just killing time until my great American novel is published. I just need to write it first.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-15 14:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I keep trying to tell everyone that I'm brillaint....brillyan...brillea...really smart.
Submitted by cleanfornow (user info) at 2005-12-15 14:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad Shlongy. 34.00
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-15 14:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like you have it made.
Assuming you make more than $33.79 an hour.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent! keep up the good work! give yourself a raise!
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well you know, if you do well at your job it is expected of you ALL THE TIME so forget having a less than stellar moment, cause the better you do the shittier you get treated, however if you fly just under the radar doing enough to get by, no more or no less, you get left alone. Now if you really don't know what the hell you are doing you actually get promoted. hmmmmmmm, which road do I take........
That just took time away from shopping online and there are only 9 shopping days until Christmas.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My job can be summed up in the fact that I turn 1/2s into ½s and watch sports.
....I'm so bored.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Reading your post made me pretty bored at work too.
Please refrain from posting, we don't want to share your misery.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think all of us here are just trying to pass the time as we waste away.
<insert Fight Club quote here>
Submitted by windowsrcold (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is me all the way up to the managment promotion. Unfortunately i'm in a dead end job with nowhere to go but away. I do it because it gives me a steady pay check and pays my bills. I'm looking for a better one though. Hey I never really messed with free cell too much maybe I'll pick that up.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-15 13:09:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:52:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
My job is pretty boring. I can't seem to find one that I like.
I'm still toying with the idea of packing a suitcase with my bong and my cat and moving to that hippie commune in southern Missouri. Only 2 things are keeping me from actually becoming a full-fledged hippie: I hate being dirty and I like guns. Maybe I'll start my own commune, with showers and a gun range.
OK now I'm just babbling. I think it's because my job is so damn boring.
========================================================================================
Weed, guns, and showers? Sign me up!!
My job has ups and downs. I used to have more time for slacking. It's been busy lately and I'm not happy about it.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...."
All you need to do now it push the wall of your cubicle over, eat M&M's, and meet with the Bobs.
Submitted by rubixxcube (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do the same thing however nobody pays attention to my schedule nor cares when i come in so i do the same amount of work as you but i come in at 10:30 and leave at 5:00.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My job is pretty boring. I can't seem to find one that I like.
I'm still toying with the idea of packing a suitcase with my bong and my cat and moving to that hippie commune in southern Missouri. Only 2 things are keeping me from actually becoming a full-fledged hippie: I hate being dirty and I like guns. Maybe I'll start my own commune, with showers and a gun range.
OK now I'm just babbling. I think it's because my job is so damn boring.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:12:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I pretty much spend my day avoiding people. The less they see you, the less work thay can give you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That sums up the corporate work force in a nutshell.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:36:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear.
It seems that I am finally ready.
Teach me, Lord.
-----------------------------
Great Post.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:27:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got fired for looking like a homeless Jesus...and when I tried to tell my boss that I was growing my hair out for Locks of Love, he told me to quit being a dirty hippie...
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:16:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
We don't have windows games on our computers, most game sites are blocked (miniclip, yahoo games etc)... some days I don't leave my office except to get a drink or take a piss. My blinds are shut and my door is locked. On a busy day I work MAYBE 2 hrs. I had something clever to say but I just toked up so I forgot. Where are my pants?
Submitted by cleanfornow (user info) at 2005-12-15 12:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn_Nkd, 131 seconds is really fast. I can't seem to break 160. I think I will request a new mouse.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:12:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I pretty much spend my day avoiding people.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:49:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is not all. I also play Minesweeper a lot. For this I try for record time in solving the expert level. I have cleared the board in as little as 161 seconds. Do you have any idea how much practice it takes to be able to that?????!! Can you amateur slackers top that as the ultimate in slackatude?
I was doing about 45 minutes of actual work a day in my oild position. I had minsweeper down to 131 on expert. I still get in 140s but can't seem to get below that anymore. I used to take naps, surf, read, and play mine sweeper.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear.
It seems that I am finally ready.
Teach me, Lord.
Submitted by cleanfornow (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:51:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Peter Gibbons?
_____________________________________________________
Just waiting for the next round of consultants to come in and make me boss.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:12:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I pretty much spend my day avoiding people. The less they see you, the less work thay can give you.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:10:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Everyday I screw around doing my work, with a deadline time (2:30) everyday where I need to send stuff out. I was futzing on Ubersite one day when I realized it was 2:12 and I hadn't started my work. I basically figured I was screwed and put the pedal to the metal, ignoring all else but my work. I finished with 2 minutes to spare. So basically for the first 6 hours of my day, I apparently waste 5 hours and 45 minutes fucking around online.
Thank god for government jobs.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:06:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha ha this is my job. I took this job after doing social work for a few years, and getting a severe case of burnout. I'm an assistant to the owner of an importing company, which basically means I open his mail and make coffee. I'm terribly bored, but enjoy the freedom of ubering all working about 2 hours a day total out of 9. I'll be out of here soon enough, to teach special ed in the fall.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-15 11:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
TigerLilly and badassmofo have both figured out how to spend twenty hours of their eight hour work day on Uber. It doesn't make sense, but it's true. You ain't big league, kid.
+2 for dedication to laziness
-1 for meh post
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I make a total of about 20 phone calls a week at my job, plus roughly an hour a day of doing spreadsheets and basic accounting work. The rest?
Internet.
Uber, stickcricket.com, addictinggames.com, BBC, and emailing everyone who has ever been in the same post code as me.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-15 10:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Peter Gibbons?