Santa Claws Got Me by the Balls (860 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by morontian (View user info) at 2005-12-16 08:26:28 EST
For as long as I can remember, Santa has hated my guts. It's true. Sure, every few years or so he will break down just enough to leave me something that will tickle my fancy just enough so that my hopes are flying high for the next few years, but those sad ...Christmi (?) in between are the worst. For me. He loves 'em. Yeah, those years he actually wakes me up in the middle of the night with his HO HO HOs. I've learned never to trust the wily bastard, and it's gotten to the point that I even wait to see what he'll think of next. You've heard the saying about how someone could fuck up a wet dream? That is the essence of Dec. 25th. I'm just waiting for the bastard to go too far...
User Reviews
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-12-17 15:18:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
preach on!
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-17 15:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, I just pulled my head out of my ass long enough to notice this. A friend of mine from one of my two soul sucking jobs just gave me one of those joystick things that plays old Atari games.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-12-16 13:32:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Old Atari games sound like a good start to the season to me.
--------------
Yeah, it would have been nice if it had come with a console.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-16 16:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-12-16 13:32:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Old Atari games sound like a good start to the season to me.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-12-16 13:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
can send me the underwear. unopened, or wearing it, but not worn.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:41:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:34:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that Ricky from Poison?
____________________
No, it's actually Chris Holmes from W.A.S.P. Someone implied Ozzy before which is understandable. It is a very Ozzy-ish picture.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:29:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:31:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was friggin' hilarious...
...especially since most of it is true because your parents just didn't love you. :P
______________
Yes they do! They let me sleep under the stairs when it got too cold out in the doghouse. Besides, I don't see what my parents have to do with anything...
---------------
I don't either. It just sounded good to me at the time.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:34:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that Ricky from Poison?
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:31:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was friggin' hilarious...
...especially since most of it is true because your parents just didn't love you. :P
______________
Yes they do! They let me sleep under the stairs when it got too cold out in the doghouse. Besides, I don't see what my parents have to do with anything...
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Should be on B@W.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:40:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:02:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, moron. I guess Santa doesn't like ME either.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm surprised this isn't rated higher. It's practically B@W material.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:31:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was friggin' hilarious...
...especially since most of it is true because your parents just didn't love you. :P
Should be on B@W.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"How am I going to help out in the battle between good and evil with this little fagbot?"
Perfect.
People should be forced to provide gift cards for Christmas unless they can pass a test that can prove they're capable enough to buy something on their own for you.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:01:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sorry, but there was some sort of a problem trying to service your request. :( "
IS ANYBODY ELSE SEEING THIS WHEN THEY GO TO THE FRONT PAGE??
-------------
yes.
also, nice post.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sorry, but there was some sort of a problem trying to service your request. :( "
IS ANYBODY ELSE SEEING THIS WHEN THEY GO TO THE FRONT PAGE??
Submitted by Quale (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen, brother. Amen.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Festivus for teh rest of us?
fuck yeah!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHARON!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
posh.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My grandma got me some Aspen a few years ago.
I didn't have the heart to tell her how bad it smelled.
So I wound up and threw the bottle at her, shattering her orbital.
The following year I got a gift certificate.
Happy Festivous.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*smirks* your parents never loved you...
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am in a love/hate relationship with people who buy TV DVD box sets. On one hand, the producers are making enough money from their sales to keep making these shows so that I can download the rips, burn them to a 9.4gb dual layer DVD and fit two seasons of any tv show onto a disc that costs less than a quarter. on the other hand: paying anywhere from $100 to $400 for TV shows? NRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GET A BRAIN FUCKWIT, EVEN IF IT COMES AS A GIFT, RETURN IT, DVD box sets are worth roughly the sum total of the amount of blank discs and packaging used to manufacture them
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:31:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Excellent even.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-16 08:30:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excelent from start to finish.
I have Optimus Prime.