What if Noah weren't a cat person? (841 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.34 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bluto (View user info) at 2005-12-16 09:10:26 EST
What would life be like if Noah had hated cats? Or maybe he was allergic to them? What if after about 3 days of itchy, watery eyes and constant sneezing, Noah tossed the two cats overboard simply because he was sick of their shit. An entire lifestyle would be gone simply because one guy hated felines. Or maybe the boat was too big for him to notice, and that's why they survived? I don't know, but I feel that it's thoughts like this that keep me from rising on the corporate ladder.
Also, you'd think it would take a while for all of earth to flood right? We'd be talking one hell of a storm for earth to flood before everyone had a chance to react. After the water got to be about knee deep, you'd figure a group of people would see the ark and think. "Look at the size of that fuckin' boat. This guy's prepared. Let's sneak our way onto that bastard."
Then, maybe, a few hours later, after they'd become acquainted with their surroundings, and got a chance to talk to Noah, they thought that he was a lunatic. Honestly, who's going to believe a guy that says he built a huge fucking boat because God told him that it was going to rain for 40 days, and YOU are the only human family that is worth living through it. The pompous fucker. Then, a day or so after they jumped ship, they were kicking themselves as they made their way for high ground.
I also wonder if there were some really cool species that never survived simply because Noah wanted to be a dick. Perhaps the animal just irked Noah for some unexplainable reason. Noah didn't want to deal with it, so he just threw them overboard. Then I curse Noah and imagine what life would be like if this animal were as domesticated as the cat and dog.
Or maybe Noah got really hungry and ate an animal. Seriously, what the feeding arrangements were on the ark? Was there food for each animal, or was it just like the natural environment: survival of the fittest? Did Noah have a 40 day supply of Purina, or were entire species wiped out because the cheetah was hungry?
Then I snap out of it and remember that I don't believe in Noah's existence. Silly me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-16 17:42:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, cats would be a real pain.
Nobody seems to mind the idea of a couple of hippos fanning their shit everywhere to mark their territory though.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-16 16:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:14:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
BUT I LOVE MY KITTEEEEE! HER PISS SMELLS LIKE ROSES AND SHE SHITS CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES!
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BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH MY GOD! +2 for that comment...pure GOLD!
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:06:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what if god had told noah how to build a spaceship instead?
OMG maybe he did
MAYBE THE SPACE ANIMALS ARE PLANNING AN INVASION
Submitted by Hexidecimal (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i know id have said screw it after a day of cleaning up all the shit they are making. elephant turds weigh like 200lbs
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A bette question is why is there only one lion?
I mean who ever heard of an Asexual lion.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another idea about Noah: http://www.ubersite.com/m/60508
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think the lion is stoned. For some reason, he isn't eating all the animals around him. He was probably told he couldn't. But what would his lion friends say when they saw him standing next to a zebra and a sheep without even taking a nibble? They would call him ghey. They'll never let him live THAT down. No my friends, the lion is thinking about eating the painter so word of this never gets out. After all, he's a lion...that's what they do.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup, the camp, stoned lion does it.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:14:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
BUT I LOVE MY KITTEEEEE! HER PISS SMELLS LIKE ROSES AND SHE SHITS CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
listen ladies cats are possibly the lowest forms of life on the planet
they add nothing to the world other than shitty boxes and piss that smells really bad
get a stuffed animal to get over your cat fetishes and you won't even have to clean up after it.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-16 10:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:57:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:37:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:18:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
if we didn't have cats, I would have to use squirrels for target practice
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Remind me to kick you in the face next time I see you.
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I'll hold him down and you can kick the shit out of him. Goddamn cat heaters...
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Cat heaters? Surely that's worst than shooting them?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lion says to the artist, "Yalo thar buttsecks!!!!"
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:37:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:18:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
if we didn't have cats, I would have to use squirrels for target practice
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Remind me to kick you in the face next time I see you.
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I'll hold him down and you can kick the shit out of him. Goddamn cat haters...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard from a friend who knew a guy who happened to have gotten a degree at Devry who was told by his 'professor' that if Noah contained two of every insect on Earth in a boat, that the boat would be more than 4 square miles on the top deck, and have to go down like 15 decks.
I mean, I believe it. Why shouldn't I? Those Devry professor's know their shit apparently.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:49:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the lion in the picture.
It's like he's looking at the artist thinking "How fuck can you paint in this rain?"
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:44:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kuzi16 (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:27:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
- do you believe that there were two of every animal on the ark?
- yes i do
- what about fish?
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Fish aren't animals...I want to know where he found a Platypus in that part of the world.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I also wonder if there were some really cool species that never survived simply because Noah wanted to be a dick. Perhaps the animal just irked Noah for some unexplainable reason. Noah didn't want to deal with it, so he just threw them overboard. Then I curse Noah and imagine what life would be like if this animal were as domesticated as the cat and dog.
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On a related note, I was always told as a kid that unicorns used to exist, but that they didn't make it onto Noah's ark. They were so playful that when Noah tried to get them on the boat, they wouldn't go and just continued frollicking around. So all the unicorns drowned.
I was told this when I was 4 or 5. I'm glad I don't believe in that shit now.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, that lion looks like a stoner. Look at the eyes!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:18:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
if we didn't have cats, I would have to use squirrels for target practice
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Remind me to kick you in the face next time I see you.
Submitted by kuzi16 (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
- do you believe that there were two of every animal on the ark?
- yes i do
- what about fish?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The better question is: how could Noah stand to truck around in his ark with rain-soaked animals?
Have you smelled wet dog? Damp cat? It's hard to get out of your head if you have.
Mission from God or no, I'd have pitched those bitches over the side for stinking up my ride.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if we didn't have cats, I would have to use squirrels for target practice
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:17:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We all would've been better off.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto cat(s) +2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-16 09:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ghola says you get an auto +2,
but she's just weird.