winter road (858 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.61 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2005-12-16 11:25:53 EST
The road unraveled in front of him. Two black ribbons cutting across the white Christmas present of the snow covered world.
The snow dancing in the headlights caught the two beams, ribbons in their own right, that were really the only thing guiding him on the way, keeping him alive. As each little speck of frozen life danced into and out of the light they twisted and sparkled. Glowing a dozen different colors before fading back into the expanse of blacks and whites the world had taken on as its cloak, its death shroud.
Winter had always started the thoughts of death, of endings, racing through his confused mind. The end. It always seemed like each event, each happening was going to be the end. He wasn't sure why he attached significance of that nature to every smallest thing.
The snow dancing in the lights. That glowing cold fire. Like the earrings he had given her. That was always the part that caught him, the damn earrings...
--------------
He wasn't supposed to be back for another day. When the boss had given him the reprieve and sent him home a day early to be with Lucy and memories of their always-going-to-be four year old son, he'd jumped at the chance, and was on the road home an hour later.
They hadn't been getting along that well at the time, small arguments, nothing too big in his eyes. Usually over his job, the hours he put in, and how infrequently he was at home.
He did work too much, but he was making real money now, their long term plan was going to come to fruition a lot sooner than either of them had imagined it ever could. He played his cards right, met the right people, impressed those same people. His decisions were always spot on. The money itself was now making almost as much for them than as his "real" job was. He had simply set his hand to it, started it in motion.
Jack didn't have any idea she was unhappy. They had decided together that it would be better if she stayed home with their son.
She had been happy at first. But after the first year it changed, she started accusing him of things. Indirectly at first. Not in so many words, but the undercurrent was always there.
Jack knew he was guilty of nothing, she'd always been jealous. That was even one of the attractions initially. The fire that came out of her, the flash in her blue-green eyes and the drop in voice. Her anger was a force to be reckoned with, one of the only things that ever gave him real pause.
Not only in anger or jealousy, the fire was there in every thing she ever did. She was passionate about every thing she ever set her attention to. Her eyes always held that fire.
After the accident, the fourth year, the accusations were direct and coupled with blame. And the fire in her eyes started to grow dim.
-------------
It had taken him four hours to get from downtown Chicago to the Des Plaines River, and he'd only gone another twenty miles in the hour since then.
The snow was picking up. Traffic had been moving at a crawl as it was. Now the highway was all but deserted.
When he did come across another driver, passing them was nerve wracking. The wind and snow, combined with the drag effect of the vehicle, created a whirling tornado of snow. It only lasted for a few seconds but driving through it was driving blind. On icy roads consisting of two foot wide bands of asphalt between you and spinning out, blindness was not a good thing.
At hour number six, he decided to stop. Somewhere between Joliet and Pontiac. He was going to make it home tonight, but he needed a beer in his system to do it, besides the car was running low on gas.
The girl in the gas station informed him the only bar in town was temporarily shut down. He grabbed a six-pack of cans without looking to see what it was. Offered her a mumbled excuse about wanting to make sure he had some in case he didn't make it home in time.
Five miles out he opened the first one. No need to worry about the cops, their hands were full dealing with spinouts and jack knifed trailers. Besides, what harm would one do? Maybe two.
-------------
He had given Lucy the opal earrings for their fourth anniversary, they weren't married, but Jack was the type to remember the date he first asked her out, after the yes he considered her his. Now he hated the damn things, he wouldn't let her wear them around him...
Seeing her head tilted back, eyes closed in ecstasy, saying another persons name in the voice that only he should have ever heard again...
It wasn't seeing his back between her thighs, her leg curved, arched over his shoulder, that was bad enough...
As the door had swung open the other guys mouth slipped off the lobe of her ear, the light coming in from the hall catching on the earring she was still wearing and throwing itself back at his face reflected from the other mans saliva still on it.
She opened her eyes and saw him standing in the doorway. Here eyes had lost their fire at this point, ever since the accident it had been gone. Now the life was gone as well.
It took the stranger fucking her another minute to come out of his ecstasy and realize that there was someone else in the room. By the time he turned all he saw was the door swinging shut behind Jack's back.
He went outside in the snow, got in his car and found the old pack of cigarettes. He'd quit smoking when their son was born. Didn't need his kid to be around the smoke, or worse, around a daddy dying from cancer.
He kept the last pack, maybe as a good luck charm. He always joked with Lucy that if he got in a bad wreck, he was going to have one last smoke, because he wouldn't have to worry about cancer anymore, and he was going to enjoy at least one last thing before he went.
The pack was probably over six years old. About five left in it. The first one he managed to tap out crumbled apart in his shaking fingers. He had better luck with the next, got it lit, and went and sat on the porch.
The harsh smoke from the stale tobacco helped to keep the vomit down. Seemed kind of odd, like it should have had the opposite effect.
Just as he was finishing it, the front door opened and the man came out.
Jack stood and wind stripped the butt, put it in his overcoat pocket.
"Did you know about me? Did she tell you she's been with me for almost ten years?" The questions came out softly; he'd never been much of a yeller, no need to start now.
"Yeah, she mentioned it. She still wanted me to pick her up..", he muttered as he tried to creep around the side of the stairs. He moved sideways like a cornered animal, slowly, cautiously.
His fist connected with the chin. He went down, as much from losing his balance in the snow as from any power in the strike.
He stayed down, staring up at Jacks back and seeing the door swing shut behind the black overcoat for the second time that night.
That had happened a year ago.
-------------
As he opened the fourth beer two hours later he had only gone about another fifty miles.
The roads were intermittently clear. The plows were out in force, double stacked dumping the snow in the drainage ditches. The cross breezes cutting across the interstate grabbed the partially frozen snow and threw it about twenty feet the air and across the roadway. More of a frozen tidal wave than the spinning whirlwind from earlier in the night.
The first few times passing Jack took tentatively, maybe four or five minutes to overtake the monster machines.
He was cruising at about sixty, staring out the windshield, not blinking even when the ice from the plows hit the windscreen. Slowing only for the plows and the icy patches he saw ahead of time. Those he didn't see, he careened through at full speed, fishtailing a little, but always confident of riding them out.
Each new blast of ice from the road cleaners had a little victory in it on the other side. By the time he came up on his seventh plow he was going through the wall of slush without slowing.
Plow number eight and he sped up to enter the thrown snow.
The construction of that summer had put a nice sweeping curve in to help with the easement of traffic into the Bloomington/Normal area. A sweeping curve he had forgotten about.
As he hit the snow screen , the rear of the car went out from under him first. As he started to fishtail, Jack tensed in preparation for hitting the ditch. He'd slid off roads before, no big deal. He'd had worse accidents in cars. Life altering accidents.
He maintained mental focus, thinking more about how to hide the beer than about the impending jolt.
As his body braced for the hit, the car hit the mound of frozen stuff on the edge of the curving shoulder and went airborne instead.
-------------
After the infidelity, they didn't speak much to one another for a few weeks.
To her credit, Lucy never tried to justify or excuse her wrongdoing.
After a month of almost complete silence on his part she asked him if he wanted to go see a counselor about it. He didn't.
It took a while, but they finally started speaking.
He had only started sleeping in the bed again after the sixth month.
They still hadn't had sex.
He wasn't sure if he had forgiven her or if he maintained distance to keep from physically harming her.
-------------
The car hit the ground hard on the passenger side. The thick blanket of snow exploded into the air, twisted up as the car flipped into the air again, and drifted off into the black night.
On the second roll the car landed on it's wheels, started to raise up, and settled down ,as if it had decided that it had suffered enough already.
Jack looked around to assess the damage. The car was still running, lights all worked, heat was blowing. He rolled the window partly down to bring in some fresh air and to help him take further stock.
His fingers still moved when he directed them to, as did his toes. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes to thank the empty sky for his life.
Then the tap came on the window.
"How many of those have you had tonight?"
"Only two, officer. Seriously I drained them both back at the last rest stop, a few hours ago..."
The resultant laughter made him open his eyes.
"Plow drivers aren't officers, buddy.
Drinking and driving is a good way to get your ass killed, or worse, get MY ass killed. Seriously, how many have you had? You flip out of drunken stupidity or something else. I want to know before I call the cops to help tow you out."
"If you're going to call them anyway, why the fuck does it matter..."
"Listen dipshit, I'm trying to help you here. Part of my job is to let the cops know when I see fools like you who drove off the damn road."
"I think I can get out of here without the police assist. I'm not drunk."
"Tell you what, stow those two beers in the glove box. I'll help you out. Meet me at the next rest area, it's only about ten miles. Drunk or not, you need to take a little break from the road.....
-------------
Jack opened the glove box at the rest stop, pushing the black box aside, he didn't need anybody to see that. Even if this guy was friendly, you could never count on an outcome following your desires. His life the past two years was proof of that.
He tossed the guy one of the beers and opened his.
As they chatted, Jack realized that he really had needed to stop. His hands may have been in working order, but they were shaking still.
"Where you headed to in such a damn hurry?"
"Home man. On a normal night, another hour up the road. Tonight, maybe two, two and a half."
They didn't talk much, just sat, drained their beer and watched the snow coming down.
Finally Jack opened up again, though he really wasn't sure why. Maybe the alcohol had gone to his head more than he thought it had. Maybe he just neede to talk to someone who had shown him a little compassion after the years he had just lived through...
"What do you do when your son dies, and your wife blames it on you? She gets her revenge by cheating on you?..."
The plow driver paused and stared. Then he laughed, trying to clear the air, "You've gotta kill her man!" Followed by some more laughter.
"Seriously, though, I'm not sure. I've never been married. You try a counselor at all? Maybe you need to leave her. That's a tough one, buddy."
Jack laughed softly, "Yeah, maybe I should kill her!", and his thoughts moved to the black box in the glove compartment.
-------------
Two hours later his battered car crunched over the ice on the driveway. The only light coming from the house was the blue flicker of the television.
Lucy had always tried to stay up and wait for him when he was out late, though she failed as often as not. She continued this practice even after the cheating incident.
Jack knew she'd be asleep on the couch.
He opened the glove box and took out the black box. Opened it and took out the contents, fingering the cold metal and watching the moonlight from the now clear sky reflecting off the surface.
Jack stuck his hand in the pocket of his overcoat, still holding it tightly.
As he entered the house, Lucy was right where he knew she would be. He closed the door silently and started across the room toward her.
The pressure of his shoes against the carpet awakened her; somehow the door couldn't wake her, but the carpet, every time.
Lucy looked up at him and tried a smile, "Jack..?..", as he pulled his hand out of his pocket.
The television flickered brightly for a moment, illuminating her face and the metal in his hand at the same time. A look of confusion crossed her face, right before she started to cry.
"Lucy," he whispered, stretching out his shaking hand, crying and going down to his knee,
"Will you marry me?"
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this had the potential to be cliche.
but i didn't find it to be so, thanks to the ending.
well-written and descriptive. i liked it a lot.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-18 20:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and -2ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:13:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:13:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:19:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:00:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my gosh! It's the son of our lord! Jesus Voltage! He has come to undo all the damage that minimumdino has done!
"My son, bask in my glory. For I am the Onstar that will lead you to salvation. I am the mapquest that knows the way to heaven. And I got a bitchin +2 here for ya."
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 19:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you like the black ribbons huh
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2005-12-16 17:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
nate, I was sure that someone would have fucking killed you by now.
Quit trashing peoples posts you talentless waste of fucking oxygen. Whose alter are you?
Submitted by nate (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:49:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
in the name of my. in the name of my chchchchchchchchchc
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
shaky at times, but i enjoyed it.
great ending.
kudos to you.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:51:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:42:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked the "marry me" portion in the end.
seems to fit in with human nature.
this was a nice piece, but a bit strung out.
----
I was originally going to break it up into two pieces, but it just didn't work out the way I wanted. I couldn't put my finger on a good break point.
I have problems with both rushing through and dragging my feet. I had this at something like nine pages and did a lot of cutting once I couldn't find my break point for it.
------------------
the hardest part of writing is rewriting.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not too shabby. Real descriptive.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is more of a 1.5 but I'm rounding up because I didn't read the whole thing. Sorry I just felt like I got bogged down by the length.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-16 12:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It was great and then the ending threw me. I like the idea of the twist, but there was lots of build up to them splitting up (or killing her), not getting married. A brief section on the good times may have helped. Over all great story - very descriptive. I grew up in Central IL and I've made that drive in those conditions, so I knew it was dead on.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sorry, but I'm too tired to read the whole way through.
The mention of Christmas in the first line automatically excludes it from +2 territory anyway.
It seems well written, just not my bag.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:42:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked the "marry me" portion in the end.
seems to fit in with human nature.
this was a nice piece, but a bit strung out.
----
I was originally going to break it up into two pieces, but it just didn't work out the way I wanted. I couldn't put my finger on a good break point.
I have problems with both rushing through and dragging my feet. I had this at something like nine pages and did a lot of cutting once I couldn't find my break point for it.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this had the potential to be cliche.
but i didn't find it to be so, thanks to the ending.
well-written and descriptive. i liked it a lot.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:42:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked the "marry me" portion in the end.
seems to fit in with human nature.
this was a nice piece, but a bit strung out.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:38:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:35:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, but the whole "marry me?" thing at the end just didn't tie in right.
---
I didn't want to kill her off yet. I have an idea to do some more of these, depending on the reception this gets. Thanks for the input though, it's appreciated.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:35:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, but the whole "marry me?" thing at the end just didn't tie in right.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-16 11:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is my first real attempt at Uber fiction. It's long, about seven pages, so if you don't want to read , don't bother.