ass mauled by wombat (with CAMWHORE) NSFW (2609 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.72 on 73 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by conan (View user info) at 2005-12-17 01:06:29 EST
I could start this story with what a nice day it was, what a lovely time I was having or I could start by telling you some background history but no-one cares so I'll get to the ass of the matter -
WHERE- Park in Sydney Australia
WHAT- a fucking wombat
WHEN- Yesterday
WHO- me, my little brother, some families having a picnic, an ambulance
WHY- I have bad luck with wombats????
In Australia we have wombats - they are like a fat medium sized dog with tiny legs. they look fat and cute and dig underground, occasionally they wander onto the road and if you hit one with your car it is usually the wombat who wins, as they can weigh over 160lbs and its like hitting a bag of cement.
That is all common knowledge. What is not common knowlegde is what happens when you are with your brother and he decides to throw oranges at a wombat. Wombats do not like this. They also do not like it when you are between them and their safe underground hole. They really don't like it when it goes on for 5 minutes, after 25 minutes they really get the shits.
WOMBAT FACT - when threatened or scared wombats will show their large piercing teeth, squeal and charge.
Obviously we all know what is going to happen next - The wombat had gotten the shits and decided to charge at me since I (I didn't realise it at the time) was blocking the entry into its hole. Can anyone imagine the high pitched shriek of a furry brown wombat charging at you? its tiny legs had grown enormous claws, its teeth were gnashing at the air and it had its eyes squarely on me. My brother had long since bolted and I decided to do the same, I spun around and took one step and fell - right on my face, I looked around just in time to see the wombat launch at me - the next thing I felt was sharp teeth in my ass and claws burying into my ass and thighs, "FUCK OWWWW - A FUCKING WOMBAT IS BITING MY ASS" I screamed, the pain hadn't really hit yet and this thing wouldn't stop biting. My brother had trouble breathing as he was out of breath from running and also witnessing the funniest thing he had ever seen - a wombat was chewing his brothers ass out.
Adrenaline was pumping through me - this thing was heavy and was really fucking mauling my ass by this stage I rolled to the left and realised I had tripped on the entrance to its underground hole, maybe it was attacking me because I was blocking the entrance... I rolled over more so I was almost sitting on it - but the wombat thought I was now attcking it so it bit harder "FUCK" now the pain had set it and my jeans were covered in blood my brother ran up and realising the gravity of the situation stopped laughing. For 10 seconds.
he tried to prod it off me and I kept rolling from side to side, all of a sudden the wombat must have thought 'this bitch has had enough' and jumped down its hole squealing all the way down into its lair.
My brother stopped laughing when he realised my jeans were torn to shreds and the blood everywhere was real. By that stage some families having picnics nearby came over "Did a dog maul him - I think a dog mauled him" said one guy. "No it was a fucking wombat" exclaimed my brother. "A fucking wombat?" said the picnic group, "Wombats don't do that, aren't they cut and furry?"
"My ass was cute and furry" I said "now look what that fucking wombat did". Blood was streaming out of my ass and thighs. "I'll call an ambulance you look fucked" said one guy solemnly.
The ambulance came and pretty much everyone laughed at me, the wounds were not too bad but they were gaping 1 inch holes in my buttocks, all the picnic people saw me naked and I swear I could hear the wombat laughing.
I went through emergency at hospital pretty quickly as wombat maulings were rare I think they gave me priority, I only remember meeting a surgeon and then the next thing I know I was awake, lying on my stomach and feeling pretty trippy. My Brother was the only one with me as my parents did not beleive I had been mauled by a wombat and as we always played prenks on them they decided not to drive 40 mins to see if their son had had his ass chewed out by a wombat or not.
I was groggy so he relayed the story to me, under the influence of pethadine and other drugs I was amused until he told me I had over 60 stitches in my ass. and wounds that needed to be dressed every day for up to 2 weeks.
That was yesterday, I was discharged that night(as I have spent a lot of time in hospital I can't stand being there so I signed out early) but have to drive to hospital everyday to get the wounds repacked, this is painful - it invloves taking out the dressing and poking more in, so I have these gaping wounds that normally would be stitched but as I have a compromised immune system (thats another post) they need to be wiped in case of infection.
Did I mention I can't sit down? and the drive each day is 40 minutes and I have to lie flat in the backseat of the car?
Also I cannot lie down, I have to sleep on my stomach and I have no idea how I'm going to shit for the next 2 weeks, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it (feels like another hour away at least)
Funny thing is not one of my friends (either of them) believe a wombat mauled my ass - so I have emailed photos in the hope I get some sympathy. This photo was taken on the first night
don't -2 me for length, I wrote this standing up over 2 hours (in 10 minutes intervals)and got carried away.
p.s Don't fuck with wombats.
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-12 23:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:54:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
hey snakr, me you butty baby in ashtry on the floor in thrity seconds NOW.
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Found this comment in my favourites folder. "Hey snakr".
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-12 06:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 sympathy
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-01-12 05:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its tha m o dubl
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2006-10-24 00:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mozz rules
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-17 07:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-03-28 09:48:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
what kind of aminal does this
___________________________
Oh Noes GeorgeMichaels
Submitted by artmalone03 (user info) at 2006-09-08 09:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PELICAN
aaahhhhhhhhhh
Submitted by artmalone03 (user info) at 2006-09-03 04:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that wnt no wombat that was a fucking pelican
lokktattdaaa pelicans fly
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-09-03 03:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
being sexually assaulted by a wombat = +2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-03 03:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-02 22:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wikipedia says wombats only get up to 77lbs.
Such a 'reliable' source couldn't be wrong. . . :-/
Great story.
Submitted by Faith (user info) at 2006-09-02 21:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 u
Submitted by stok (user info) at 2006-09-02 20:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-13 21:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha but prolly not true
Submitted by nathwashere (user info) at 2006-07-05 12:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-06-10 02:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (user info) at 2006-06-10 01:19:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
classic
_________________
Agreed.
I always laugh at this.
Submitted by Paul_Monroe (user info) at 2006-06-10 01:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
classic
Submitted by BadSamaritan87 (user info) at 2006-04-15 01:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry to say I hadn't seen this. Awesome.
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-04-15 00:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i meant to plus 2 this
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-04-15 00:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
UPDATE?
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-03-28 22:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
they are as big as a car? then he is lucky only the ass got bitte
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 22:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:12:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. But it has to be semi believeable. (A wombat- 160lbs? They're fat little fuckers, but no way would it have been this heavy.)
Incidentally, my dad once hit a wombat while riding his motorbike. Needless to say, it continued on its merry way, while my old man went over the handlebars, broke his wrist and totally fucked up the bike.
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Yeah, and if you run over them with your car, they'll tear fuck out of the chassis and be mildly stunned themselves. Nature's furry, fatass tanks.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-03-28 22:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a wolf-like creature? then 160 pound is awful big
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. But it has to be semi believeable. (A wombat- 160lbs? They're fat little fuckers, but no way would it have been this heavy.)
Incidentally, my dad once hit a wombat while riding his motorbike. Needless to say, it continued on its merry way, while my old man went over the handlebars, broke his wrist and totally fucked up the bike.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by little_ralph (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:37:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
I live in Sydney - wombats don't usually do these things but +1 anyway
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Fuck you talking about? Wombats are totally mental.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-03-28 09:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what kind of aminal does this
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-03-22 04:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah....
Don't fuck with wombats....
Ever....
Submitted by frankyfizzle (user info) at 2006-03-22 04:20:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by little_ralph (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I live in Sydney - wombats don't usually do these things but +1 anyway
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-02 07:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:13:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
so, did you drop a grenade down its wombathole?
____________________________________________--------
No - looking back I had it coming.
This was 2 weeks ago and I am still getting the wound tended every day btw
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so, did you drop a grenade down its wombathole?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-19 06:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"My ass was cute and furry" I said "now look what that fucking wombat did".
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2005-12-18 07:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Negative 2.
It's spelt arse if it happened in Australia.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-18 02:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'll always have a special place in my heart for wombats, lord knows I now have a special scar on MY ASS because of that wombat.
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2005-12-18 02:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Ah, thank god all I have to worry about are wolverines in Canada'
and squirrels, don't forget the fucking squirrels (I wouldn't mess with any Elk either).
So now that the Wombat has had it's way with you, are you two still going to be friends?
Submitted by negativesid (user info) at 2005-12-17 21:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, thank god all I have to worry about are wolverines in Canada.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-12-17 20:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"No it was a fucking wombat" exclaimed my brother. "A fucking wombat?" said the picnic group
nice dialogue
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-17 20:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Will I didn't crap for the first 24 hours... The procedure for repacking the wounds is this - I jump in a salty bath and peel off the dressing, then a member of my family pulls out the packing from in my ass (not my asshole - I had a couple of inches grace) and then we wrap a towel around me like a diaper and sit in the car for 40 mins on the way to hospital.
There the nurse cleans out the wounds with antiseptic and packs in new dressing and then I go home. to crap we lift up the bottom of the dressing up and tape it in place for the toilet (like a trap door) so far I have crapped twice and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
Yesterday some friends came around to cheer me up. They brought me chili salsa which makes me crap for hours and asked if I could go bike riding on Tuesday, there were also some obvious jokes about sitting on Santas knee etc. thats what friends are for.
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2005-12-17 20:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear god.
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-12-17 19:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2, let us know how the shit goes
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-12-17 13:34:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my hero.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-12-17 13:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure Gold!
p.s. You have a fat ass.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-17 13:10:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell! I skipped right to the photo at first and wondered why the title wasn't "Ass-fucked by wombat"
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-17 12:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-17 12:05:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, the guys are work are going to have a field day with this.
-- Homer Simpson
The Call of the Simpsons
I'm so sorry for laughing as hard as I did, but that's like the funniest thing I've heard all day.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/15006
Linkwhore involving my run-in with a baby squirrel. Those things look small and furry, but they will Fuck Your Shit Up.
And someone else's story about being mauled by a large bird. http://www.ubersite.com/m/54423
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-17 11:13:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those little bastards weigh a ton?
Submitted by coocoocachoo (user info) at 2005-12-17 11:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just curious, who took that picture for you?
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-17 10:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why don't they let some of these critters loose on your beaches where they're having a bit of trouble.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-17 09:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hungovermondays (user info) at 2005-12-17 09:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why throw an orange at a wombat?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-17 07:27:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Owwwww. Jesus, it looks like he bit you right in the crack.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-17 07:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
160lbs? That's got to be an exageration. Nothing that big would burrow.
I doubt you'll have learned your lesson to not be a dumbass.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-12-17 06:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sympathy +2. I've had plenty of annoying injuries, but nothing that made taking a dump a serious dillema.
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-12-17 05:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This would have been a +1, but the following sentence is just pure literary genius:
"...all the picnic people saw me naked and I swear I could hear the wombat laughing."
Well done, sir.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-17 03:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:54:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
hey snakr, me you butty baby in ashtry on the floor in thrity seconds NOW.
====================
AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:HAHI
I just shot beer out my fuckin nose!
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-17 03:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
don't you worry about the sharks my friend. Last year there was 7 fatalities in Australia due to sharks, 3000 people died from flu, 1600 died on the roads and just 1 dickhead got bitten on the ass by a wombat.
Interesting note - you have more chance being bitten by a human in Kings Cross (Sydneys xxx and drug playground) than by a shark - 158 people were bitten by other people (while being assaulted) in Kings Cross last year.
so don't worry... come on down.
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2005-12-17 02:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, Just Wow
I've always wanted to visit Australia, but then I thought about sharks in the great barrier reef, and I had second thoughts. Now your telling me that there are overgrown bear dog things that will try to give me a second asshole?
Fuck man, I think I'll stick to the Americas for now.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2005-12-17 02:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
www.markhj.com/beasties/pics/wombat_hole.jpg
this guy made that.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-17 02:04:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:42:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:36:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. The same thing happened to me when I was about ten when I went to visit Alma Park Zoo (in Queensland), except the wombat didn't get me. Me and a friend were inside the enclosure with the deer and stuff, after happily dismissing the 'Enter at your own risk' sign on the gate as overblown measures to ward off excessive litigation, when for no reason at all a gigantic wombat in the corner starts charging full speed at me.
I calmly took two steps and climbed back over the fence, a sensible move as you are now well aware, to the laughter of my friend who then went around telling everyone that I was chased by a wombat. I'm still ridiculed to this day.
_________________________________________________
how old are you now? If you were 10 and they still laugh at you (and you didn't get bitten on the ass) when will they stop laughing at me?
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I'm 18, and it even got to the point where I was receiving little plastic wombat figurines in my letterbox.
Submitted by soccer (user info) at 2005-12-17 02:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Need more peener
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey snakr, me you butty baby in ashtry on the floor in thrity seconds NOW.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two words:
Ass donut.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They won't.
Not as long as you know them friend.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:36:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. The same thing happened to me when I was about ten when I went to visit Alma Park Zoo (in Queensland), except the wombat didn't get me. Me and a friend were inside the enclosure with the deer and stuff, after happily dismissing the 'Enter at your own risk' sign on the gate as overblown measures to ward off excessive litigation, when for no reason at all a gigantic wombat in the corner starts charging full speed at me.
I calmly took two steps and climbed back over the fence, a sensible move as you are now well aware, to the laughter of my friend who then went around telling everyone that I was chased by a wombat. I'm still ridiculed to this day.
_________________________________________________
how old are you now? If you were 10 and they still laugh at you (and you didn't get bitten on the ass) when will they stop laughing at me?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:24:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
ugtliest mother fucker name of uberstie. fufck. you
======================================
WOOHOOOOOOO!
It's another drunken GLALL Scavenger Hunt!!!!
I choose Pannini Bladder Skank!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hha i onlandea on 1. FUCK
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i do this !
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. The same thing happened to me when I was about ten when I went to visit Alma Park Zoo (in Queensland), except the wombat didn't get me. Me and a friend were inside the enclosure with the deer and stuff, after happily dismissing the 'Enter at your own risk' sign on the gate as overblown measures to ward off excessive litigation, when for no reason at all a gigantic wombat in the corner starts charging full speed at me.
I calmly took two steps and climbed back over the fence, a sensible move as you are now well aware, to the laughter of my friend who then went around telling everyone that I was chased by a wombat. I'm still ridiculed to this day.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ugtliest mother fucker name of uberstie. fufck. you
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:16:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
meh...
next time you get your salad tossed... try using a bit of grape jelly. i've heard it helps.
yep, that's what i've...heard...
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-17 01:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
www.australienbilder.de/ serien/bilder/tier60.jpg
for a picture of a wombat (remember looks can be deceiving - they are not cute and furry they eat ass