So THAT'S Why They're All Smiling at Me! (2343 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.87 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rizzo (View user info) at 2005-12-18 16:29:20 EST
As some of you may know, I have a new love interest in my life. Without elaborating too much about her, I will say that, in a word, she's great. She's beautiful, intelligent, established, and she's got her shit together in so many good ways. We've been dating for about six weeks and things are going very well.
We went out to dinner last night. The restaurant was top-notch. We had wine, seafood, and even dessert, and spent the evening looking out over the Philly waterfront. As it has been lately, we both had a very hard time keeping our hands off each other. Things got even more touchy feely in the car after dinner, then even more affection became of us when we got back to my apartment, and then ... well ...
You know.
Rewind to a few weeks ago. We had just started dating. Cupid must have shot me with his arrows, because I was googly eyed wherever I went. It's pretty obvious when someone is overcome with excessive happiness. That was me. One thing I have always noticed about happy people is that they have a much easier time attracting the opposite sex. Another correlating observation that I've made is that those same happy people usually have some awesome significant other in their lives which makes them ... well, happy. Isn't it ironic how, when we're alone, down and out, we have such a hard time attracting the opposite sex, but when we've met someone the opposite sex bee-lines to us like magnets?
It didn't surprise me. Women were suddenly beginning to stare again. I would catch them out of the corner of my eye, in Wawa, on the expressway, even at work. Women were noticing me again, and the best part about it was that I didn't care. I had someone I really liked. This has been going on for weeks now. I'm starting to get used to it.
I'm even starting to develop a little ego, har har :)
Fast-forward to today. I go into the convenience store to grab some stuff, along with some smokes for a friend. The woman behind the counter, a 30-ish black woman, gives me this huge smile, stares at me for several seconds, and then laughs.
"ID, please."
ID? I'm 27 years old. I have never been carded at a liquor store. The bartenders in the area don't even think twice about asking my age. Yeah, I have a baby face, and it's kind of awkward for me to be purchasing cigarettes (I don't smoke), but still. ID?
I complied. "I'm flattered," I remarked. She handed over the smokes and said, "Yeah, you got a baby face, hun."
Baby face. So that was it. Or was it?
Fast-forward again to a few hours later. I go in the gym and hand over my ID tag. This time, an attractive young girl takes my swipe card, scans it, and hands it back to me ... while staring. Another big smile. Another awkward stare.
The attention ... it's well beyond the norm at this point.
Was it my new longer hair? Am I really looking that happy that I'm actually becoming more attractive? I just looked in the mirror a few days ago and I was disgusted. My trip to Vegas placed five pounds of gut squarely on my frame. I'm pale. My hair could actually use a trim.
The girl behind the desk never paid attention to me before. Why now?
On the way in the facility, I quickly realized I needed quarters so I could lock my keys up. I walked over to the juice bar and was greeted by another young attractive female. This one also gave me this huge smile. I hadn't even said anything to her yet. It was like I was a fucking movie star.
I leaned against the juice bar, heaving my huge ego onto the stool so it wouldn't get damaged. "Would you mind changing this dollar for four quarters?"
That stare again. It lasted for several seconds. The smile got even bigger. The awkward silence. You could have heard a pin drop.
What the fuck?
She gave me my quarters. I locked my keys in the locker, hung up the coat, and began doing biceps. Midway through my second set, while staring in the mirror, it all became clear, so clear in fact that I nearly dropped the 65 pounds of weight I was curling on the monstrous ego sitting next to me.
No wonder all those girls were starting at me awkwardly, smiling with their coy, wonderous thoughts. Imagine what they were thinking! No wonder Wawa woman thought I was a teenie-bopper. I haven't seen myself looking like this since I was 17, the first and only time in my entire life.
I could have avoided this particular consequence. Too late. But damn, it felt good. And the smiles and stares ARE pretty humorous. Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to avoid getting ragged on at work.
I'm going shopping today. Not for Christmas presents. For a turtleneck.
User Reviews
Submitted by Aphrodite (user info) at 2005-12-26 20:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Raimee--
Congratulations on your baby, and on your sobriety. I hope everything works out for you. Let me know if I can do anything to help you.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-24 15:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-18 23:19:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:45:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Or maybe I won't... I can't figure out how to do it except for making a new post to put yours to shame. I've already posted once today, so oh well. But they were good, trust me.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:37:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's NOTHING.
If you wanna see a hickey, I'll show you a hickey.
===========================================
slut
~~~~~~
Yup! My boyfriend loves it.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-24 15:01:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Raimee is a filthy white trash whore.
Good thing you got the fuck away from that mess.
That is all. Carry on.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-12-24 14:32:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2005-12-22 22:35:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
I can say I know how it feels, especially when people think I'm a sixteen year old getting ready to have a baby anyday.
I remember when Rizzo used to really be head over heels for me, but then again what was it that he said when he dumped me over the phone, "you'll always be an alcoholic, you'll always have issues and you'll never change."
Well, try this, I have been sober for almost a year.
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Smells like dirty laundry. Or sour grapes. I'm glad you're no longer an alcoholic. Keep making babies.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-12-23 17:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:47:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
make sure you wear a rubber, dude.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Thanks, D0S, you made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
make sure you wear a rubber, dude.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:30:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Raimee -
"Yep, you do look young. I can say I know how it feels, especially when people think I'm a sixteen year old getting ready to have a baby anyday. I remember when Rizzo used to really be head over heels for me, but then again what was it that he said when he dumped me over the phone, "you'll always be an alcoholic, you'll always have issues and you'll never change." Well, try this, I have been sober for almost a year."
----------------
Bread-n-bitter sandwich anyone?
It must be heartwarming for Rizzo to see that you're still a psychopath, Jo. I know I'm all warm and fuzzy inside.
And way to go... it must have been a HUGE sacrifice to stay sober for a year, being as you've been CARRYING A CHILD for 9 out of those 12 months. Fucking freak.
People should have to pass a rigorous psychological exam before they are allowed to become parents.
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2005-12-22 22:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, you do look young.
I can say I know how it feels, especially when people think I'm a sixteen year old getting ready to have a baby anyday.
I remember when Rizzo used to really be head over heels for me, but then again what was it that he said when he dumped me over the phone, "you'll always be an alcoholic, you'll always have issues and you'll never change."
Well, try this, I have been sober for almost a year.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-12-21 20:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's about the only time I ever rifle through a girl's makeup. ++
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-12-20 19:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I can't remember the last time I had hickies. At least not *visable* ones... xo
Submitted by Aphrodite (user info) at 2005-12-20 11:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwww I am so happy for you Rizzo :) When am I gonna meet her dammit?
You should see the ones I give Andy LOL
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-12-19 22:48:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooh! Vaccuum attacked you again?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-19 21:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
adorable
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-12-19 21:41:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not sure what I'm doing for New Year's. Probably spending it with Dana.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad that I'm not the only one who has noticed women can smell the stink of happiness on your person.
What are you doing for New Year's?
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-19 10:09:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so smooth. at least you didn't get asked if they were tattoos.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-19 10:04:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blimey she has a large jaw. cool.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-19 10:01:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Philly waterfront eh?
Any bodies go floatin by?
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-19 09:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More people should act as young - good show
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-19 09:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha- I did this exact post a few months ago, when I was happy and newly dating. Hope your fate turns out better than mine.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-19 09:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on getting fucked regularly and all. I live near Philly, great restaurants indeed.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-19 09:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-12-18 17:54:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
she prolly sucked out a half pint of olive oil.
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haha
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-19 05:34:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, I didn't see THAT coming.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-19 05:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha, and indeed, ha.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-19 04:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hickeys on the neck are the domain of socially retarded teens.
However, if there is a better way of saying "I love you" than giving your partner a massive purple blot on their arse cheek, I haven't seen it.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-19 00:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would catch them out of the corner of my eye, in Wawa, on the expressway, even at work.
_________________________
I wouldn't recommend taking interest in people in convenience stores or on the side of the highways.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-19 00:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-12-18 17:54:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
she prolly sucked out a half pint of olive oil.
hilarious.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-19 00:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, sorry 'bout that, you know how it is rizz.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-18 23:19:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:45:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Or maybe I won't... I can't figure out how to do it except for making a new post to put yours to shame. I've already posted once today, so oh well. But they were good, trust me.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:37:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's NOTHING.
If you wanna see a hickey, I'll show you a hickey.
===========================================
slut
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-18 22:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"WEEEEELLLLLL,
I'm walking down the street and i just got laid,
and the chicks can tell,
yeah the chicks can tell."
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-12-18 21:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have any family in the Allentown area?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-18 21:04:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't realize you dated seventh grade girls.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2005-12-18 19:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MY father once slapped me for coming back from a date with hickeys.
Im fucking serious.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-12-18 18:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha...that's my negro!
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-18 18:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely written and so... SO true. It's extremely contreversial how when you're 'getting some' other girls can 'smell' it from almost a mile away. Probably that justifies infidelity, who knows?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-12-18 17:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
she prolly sucked out a half pint of olive oil.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-18 17:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, I could have sworn I was sucking on my right side...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:55:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should see the black eye my girlfriend has after "unleashing 2 years of hate-sex" on her.
Kidding kidding, but I love that line. Cheers to you Snark.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, +2 for young Philly love.
But I have rugburn on my knees. I win.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or maybe I won't... I can't figure out how to do it except for making a new post to put yours to shame. I've already posted once today, so oh well. But they were good, trust me.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-18 16:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's NOTHING.
If you wanna see a hickey, I'll show you a hickey.