The Cardboard Box Adventures - Part 4 (888 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: cardboard_box_adventures
Rating: 1.9 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <brdn_nkd.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-12-19 12:54:39 EST
Part 3 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/81109
Ben Meets The Big Man
Pickle and I bounced along our way to see the Big Man. I saw weird animals behind fences, they almost looked like cows but they were funny shaped, all lumpy, they were also funny colors. I tried to ask Pickle about him but he refused to tell me anything more until we saw the Big Man.
We kept on bouncing until finally I could see a city, and pretty soon an enormous castle.
"Is that where we're going Pickle?"
"Yeah, now keep quite! You shouldn't talk to anyone else until you see the Big Man."
So I zipped it and bounced on with Pickle, I watched as stores and houses and apartment buildings went by. All the people had masks on just like Pickle. I really wanted to ask him why everyone had to wear masks but I didn't want him getting mad at me. Finally we reached the large gate in front of the castle. I looked up and up and up, the towers of the castle looked like they kept going and might be tall enough to touch the moon. The whole building was a light green, after looking at it for a while I felt kind of sick and decided not to stare at it anymore, staring's impolite anyways. I looked at the gate and saw a funny faced carved into the metal with "BM" underneath.
"Is that him Pickle? You know what BM means i............."
"SHUT UP! Don't you know what's good for you? I told you to be quite how many times now? We're almost there; you can talk when you talk to the Big Man."
I felt bad now, I didn't mean to be bad, it's really hard to not ask about everything when there's so much different here. I decided not to say another word until someone specifically talked to me.
"Come on Ben, I don't mean to yell but you could get in trouble if you talk all the time, you have to be careful here, I'm just trying to help you and be a good friend."
I followed Pickle through the gate not noticing how he changed his stride. I went to take my step and instead of bouncing before I found myself stomping on hard ground again. I almost asked Pickle about it but then I remembered to be good.
I continued on with Pickle looking at the courtyard we were crossing, there were a few horse like animals tied to a post a little ways down, a few small buildings in another corner, and lots and lots of people. As we walked toward the first door into the castle people stopped what they were doing to watch us walk by. I looked over at Pickle and thought he looked like he was pretty happy now. I looked back around at the people and saw that they were starting to close in leaving just enough space for us to walk through to get to the door. Someone started singing then, I couldn't make out all the words but it sounded like they were saying "all hail, all hail" and then we reached the door. It opened by itself as far as I know; I didn't see anyone open it.
Until we were inside with the door closed behind us I hadn't realized how loud it had been outside, now it was super quite. I followed as Pickle walked through another door and then turned to me; "Ben, I have to blindfold you now. For the protection of the "Big Man" there is a maze and you are not allowed to see it so that you can't find your way in without help".
Wordlessly I allowed Pickle to blindfold me pretending I was a prisoner of war. Pickle then grabbed my hand and pulled me after him. I tried to remember the layout of the prison but after so many rights and lefts I lost track. We went up stairs, and down stairs and wound corners and curves, until finally we stopped and Pickle took off the blindfold.
"When you're ready Ben you can walk through the door and then you'll meet the Big Man. You might want to take a break here first or if you want to I can take you back. It is up to you to go through the door though."
A prisoner would not be afraid to meet his captor would he? Without saying a word to Pickle (I still hadn't been asked or prompted to speak) I walked to the door and turned the knob.
I was startled to see someone who looked exactly like I did sitting in a throne at the end of the hall. I walked toward him until he motioned for me to stop. I couldn't help but stare, if I'd had a twin he would be it.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bigs Blows It
I've learned more about the contests now, especially those involving out of towners. The loser(s) of those contests provide the feast, literally are the feast. I may not have ever known except that Ben and I were there one day when a game like football was played. When the other team suffered a nasty loss they were immediately taken out of the arena and everyone began to line up for the victory meal. I got in line just as I was instructed to, last behind Ben. They've offered Ben a better position in line but he refuses to leave me alone in the back, he's such a great kid.
As we neared the banquet table I could smell the food and it smelled incredible. I honestly have to admit that I started to salivate. Before, I wouldn't even get close to the food so I really had no idea what was put out but today I might actually get to try one of their meals. I wasn't prepared for what I saw.
I saw the Big Man for the first time but only after looking at the spread laid out before us. There was still plenty left and if I hadn't already recognized what I was looking at the Big Man holding one of the other team's helmets would have confirmed it for me. No wonder the loser always left. If they were visiting they left to be cooked, if they won while visiting the loser went back with them to be cooked.
Through a haze of shock and revulsion I realized that I was being addressed.
"Welcome bigs to our table. Please fill your plate and be honored to be the first of your kind to partake in a victory feast."
I was speechless. The Big Man was Ben. I looked to my left where Ben was standing next to me in line and saw him filling a plate. I looked from one to the other. Ben filling his plate, Ben holding the helmet of the captain of the other team. Then I realized, Ben filling his plate; "Ben, do you realize what that is? Don't eat any of it, that's not right!"
"Dad, it's ok, they lost and are proud to give themselves when they lose. It's important to me, they already explained it."
I looked at the Big Man. "What the hell is this? What did you do to my son, why do you look like my son?"
"Silence. I am Ben, I am the Big Man. You are only here through my grace. You are trapped here now without me, be more gracious to your host. You will partake in this feast and help us celebrate; I will hear no more from you today."
"Ben? You can't do this; you can't be Ben, Ben's right there. Don't you all see we're eating other people, that's not right! I will not, Ben! Take me home now please."
"Arrest him! I will not have this celebration squandered by a discourteous guest! Arrest him now!"
I saw the guard coming toward me. They had weapons I had never seen before but they didn't look all that sophisticated. I've mentioned before that they're small people, I decided not to let them take me and I ran. The crowd watching seemed to contract to prevent me from leaving, blocking my way. I ran through them as a hot knife slides through butter, both forcefully and gently at the same time. I ran out of the castle gate and down through the city. I ran out into the hills searching for the doorway home. I had never tried to leave without Ben before but I knew I had to go now; I had no desire to prisoner to a people who ate their losing competitors.
I searched for the door in vain, it wasn't there. I ran frantically looking from every angle knowing exactly where it should be and being unable to see it. I tripped and fell headlong onto the grass bouncing down the hill back toward my pursuers. I felt a sting on the back of my neck and then the world went black.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-12 02:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-15 19:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 23:49:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto Cardboard +2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:28:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-21 06:54:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still enjoying these. No constructive criticism at this point, but I will figure something out soon.
-Dave
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-20 18:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-20 12:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-20 12:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. AWESOME, I SAY!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-20 06:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-20 01:06:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice installment.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-20 00:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
I'm getting Wizard of Oz vibes from this now.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:39:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm still enjoying this series. i have a couple thoughts:
1) this looks like it's taking shape to be a representation of ben's imagination. if so, it's eerily similar to "the regulators" by bachman/king when the kid's drawings come to life and shoot up the street. i think it's the regulators, but it might be "desperation".
It's the Regulators you're thinking of, Desperation was published in King's name(irrelevant aside). You might be on to something with the imagination but I know that it will be very different than that awsome story.
2) i'm sure you noticed by now, but quite is not quiet.
DAMNIT
3) would a father really abandon his son among a group of cannibalistic bastards? I would have thought he'd have tried to snatch ben up.
You know, I thought about that but here's the thing. He's faced with self preservation. He sees his son loading a plate up (oh my god he's teh cannibal) and at the same time sitting court over the victory celebration ordering his arrest. "run forrest run"
don't mind me, as I am a nitpicky prick. this story still rules.
Thanks, I appreciate it. You're always someone who offers me some good comments/criticisms. sometimes I embrace them and other times I choose to instead "fart in your general direction you silly english pig dog." Um... yeah.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish my series had flowed so well
*sobs emo tears*
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:39:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm still enjoying this series. i have a couple thoughts:
1) this looks like it's taking shape to be a representation of ben's imagination. if so, it's eerily similar to "the regulators" by bachman/king when the kid's drawings come to life and shoot up the street. i think it's the regulators, but it might be "desperation".
2) i'm sure you noticed by now, but quite is not quiet.
3) would a father really abandon his son among a group of cannibalistic bastards? I would have thought he'd have tried to snatch ben up.
don't mind me, as I am a nitpicky prick. this story still rules.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
more awesome.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:25:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you've just been winging it and letting it get away from you, then I wouldn't even bother trying to tame it. Just run with it and try to keep up.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you've just been winging it and letting it get away from you, then I wouldn't even bother trying to tame it. Just run with it and try to keep up.
Submitted by stuckfix (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Continues to be pretty good. Makes me wish I was chewing on some midget leg right now.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Tell us more about the 'natives'.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know what you're saying and I agree to a point. Part of my problem is I only have a vague idea of where I want to end up. I wrote the Survivor series just like this, I knew where I wanted to go but until I actually wrote the next post I didn't know what was going to happen next any more than "my audience". I like writing like this because then I get to hear the story too but I totally see your point which is part of the reason I titled each section today, in the hopes that it would at least give a reference point so you knew who was narrating instead of having to find out by reading a few paragraphs.
I guess tomorrow I'll have to write it and then re-read it and clean it up.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's becoming a bit less structured as you progress through the series.
you might consider doing a bone-outline of what you want to say beforehand?
work on transitions...it also feels a bit disjointed.
i'm sorry be so vague...
i'm at work and my brain is fried.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:09:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-19 12:57:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was excited to see this posted.
I don't often look foward to uber post this much.
Jesus, I'm lame.
you might be lame but you're cute so it doesn't matter much. Uh... That doesn't quite sound how I thought it would but whatever. thanks.
I am not so sure of these, This story is getting a little wierd for me. I think I like it but it's definitely out of the ordinary for something I'd write. Any intelligent comments, suggestions or criticisms are welcome. Thanks for reading, B
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-19 12:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was excited to see this posted.
I don't often look foward to uber post this much.
Jesus, I'm lame.