UberMas 05: Round Three (772 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.84 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2005-12-19 13:31:00 EST
Much like a night in Hugh Hefner's master bedroom, or a Wrestlemania main event, we find ourselves with a three way. UberMas is drawing to a close, and now comes the time for the final free-for-all.
Bundle up, ye kiddies, for the holidays are here.
You all know the drill by now. Here, then, are the titles for this, our last dance:
ghola - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Jack_McCallum - Miracle on 34th Street
Orgasmatron - Home for the Holidays
Stories due by midnight, Pacific, THURSDAY DEC. 21st.
Or 12:01 AM Friday the 22nd. Whatever method of telling time floats your boat.
Voting will be open from whenever the posts appear to midnight, Christmas Day.
The winner will be announced 12/26, followed immediately by heaps of oral sex from the masses.
Heaps, say I.
And a new-to-you Buick Skylark bursting with hot dogs.
Excellent, excellent submissions from everyone in the second round. It's been interesting to read all of the different approaches to the season, and the various takes on the titles.
Cap'n Thorns mentioned wanting to do an UberMas offshoot story this week, for fun. If anyone else is of the mind to as well, please go ahead and do so. May as well spread the holiday cheer while we're here this week, right?
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa Voltage drops in to pay a visit to the little boys and girls.
HERE'S A +2 LITTLE ONES! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! HO HO HO!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ive shit better
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-28 01:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:45:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
How dare you lesser goofballs vie for my crown.
***
i can hear his pencils break clear across the fucking bay
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:27:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was one of the more fucked up/hilarious tales, ghol.
Clearly a work of fiction, though, since we all know that vikings would totally fuck up ninjas.
Don't even get me started on pirates...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fed the baby jesus to a zombie.
I heart ubermas.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How dare you lesser goofballs vie for my crown.
I am King of the Fuckups here!
1- It was MY contest.
2- I went slob city and let others run it.
3- I lost the motherfucker just like I lost my own GrUeberfest contest.
4- Do I care? No. It ensured that there would be a least a few posts longer than a paragraph.
5- There is no five.
Crown me, you bastards!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:39:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats, Orgasmatrom, but I ain't gettin' naked.
Kudos to all the contestants. It was fun, and I look
forward to the next one.
That said, my favorite of the entire series was the
"Home for Christmas" one by a humblefool.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well... who is the fuck up here? Seems I once again forgot my duties to score this round, I am an idiot, but getting old and had two kids screaming all day Sunday, no excuses, but, hell yes excuses!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh...right.
This.
Is it wrong that I forgot about the voting deadline on Sunday night, and everything after that?
:(
Stupid holidays.
Well...this is pretty lame, what with me heading all of this up and all. Now I feel all dirty for having won. Not that there is really any one winner, since we all know it's the FANS that win when something like this happens. THAT'S RIGHT, UBER, I'M TALKING TO YOU. Where would any of us be without you?
*Claps appreciatively at the audience*
Ok, enough of that bullshit. Where's my award, the fountains of whiskey, and the endless lines of naked-and-ready hotties?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats!
*cries emu tears*
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-26 09:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, since Mr. Humble is not around for the official scoring yet, I'll have a premature declaration and announce Orgasmatron the winner with a perfect rating and the most hits. Figures he'd win his own contest. :-p
Congratulations O-Man!
Oh, and for those of you who missed my "Honorable Mention" submission: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81199#1754225
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 17:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha...depends on if he was just sending it to fuck with you or if he really felt it was a "1" and left a dick comment behind.
This is a matter for ahumblefool, since he'll be scoring this.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does shlongy's rating count...?
Just wondering...
"needs more camwhore"
ugh.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 10:59:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ghola - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/81424
Jack_McCallum - Miracle on 34th Street -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/81414
Orgasmatron - Home for the Holidays -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/81416
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 10:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-23 10:17:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
Needs more camwhore.
----------------------
Feck.
Does this count?
It's what I dreaded.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-22 22:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81424
I'm not sure what I was thinking.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-22 21:31:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still working...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-22 17:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
expect my entry to be submitted at the last minute.
i still got nothing.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-22 17:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Feh.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81414
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-22 17:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ghola - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Jack_McCallum - Miracle on 34th Street -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/81414
Orgasmatron - Home for the Holidays -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/81416
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:36:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Too much Christmas shopping to finish tonight.
Must...complete...before.........leaving.....work.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whuh...
What happened to the last two hours?
Jayzuz, I gotta get crackin'.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-22 14:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh shit.
Well, I'm going to start now.
Or I'm going to take a nap-
and then start.
I'm gonna wear my reindeer antlers for inspiration.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:37:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I need to stuff Ex-Lax in my ears or something.
I'm slightly blocked.
Got a story in mind, and I'm now on my THIRD stab at the fucker in the last two hours.
Tried starting in the past, in the present... now mixing the two.
Hey, I've got hours and hours left, right? Right?
Jesus. My title sucks a nut.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:36:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:06:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha...tell me none of us have started yet.
BEAUTIFUL.
--
Like I always say...
Necessity is the motherfucker of invention.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:06:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha...tell me none of us have started yet.
BEAUTIFUL.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ohhhh... shit.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-22 09:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-22 09:11:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stories due by midnight, Pacific, THURSDAY DEC. 21st.
Or 12:01 AM Friday the 22nd. Whatever method of telling time floats your boat.
===============================================================================
Ummm...today's Thursday, and my calendar says that Thursday is the 22nd, not the 21st.
So does that mean that the deadline is midnight, Pacific, Thurs Dec 22 / 12:01am Friday 23?
Or did you all miss the deadline? :)
---
Nope. I'm just a cockhound who can't read a calendar.
Deadline's tonight by midnight, Pac time.
Stick around, because it's sure to be tits. Particularly since neither ghola nor I have gotten started yet.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-22 09:57:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honorable Mention submission - "O Come Emmanuel": http://www.ubersite.com/m/81373
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-22 09:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stories due by midnight, Pacific, THURSDAY DEC. 21st.
Or 12:01 AM Friday the 22nd. Whatever method of telling time floats your boat.
===============================================================================
Ummm...today's Thursday, and my calendar says that Thursday is the 22nd, not the 21st.
So does that mean that the deadline is midnight, Pacific, Thurs Dec 22 / 12:01am Friday 23?
Or did you all miss the deadline? :)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-22 08:51:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
eek.
i haven't started yet.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-21 23:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuckbeans...I should get to work on this, huh?
Stupid Miltonized Johnny Damon post getting in the way of my submission.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-20 10:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Look at the bright side: you're attractive to both sexes.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-20 10:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys are funny. I can honestly say I have no interest whatsoever of flirting with any man. The beard I mentioned is like the on in the SC picture above. I don't know how anyone could possibly ignore that and pretend is a woman. now a chicken.........MMMMMMM...... Forbidden chicken
Why's the first person to hit on me after I rejoin the open trading market gotta be a fucking guy? Because I suck at life
or maybe I'm just unlucky.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-20 09:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Then he, sirrah, is a better man than I.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-20 08:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-19 17:01:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
You should flirt with your bi-curious side a little more, Brdn.
I mean, really, just close your eyes. A beej is a beej is a beej, am I wrong?
Remember -- it's not gay if you thought it was a woman at the time.
Oh, and it's not straight if you thought the chick was a man at the time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What if he thinks the man was a chicken at the time?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-19 17:01:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should flirt with your bi-curious side a little more, Brdn.
I mean, really, just close your eyes. A beej is a beej is a beej, am I wrong?
Remember -- it's not gay if you thought it was a woman at the time.
Oh, and it's not straight if you thought the chick was a man at the time.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:36:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, my pretties. Fellate me so.
lalalalalalalalala (toungue flicking motion)
No I'm not teh ghey but I might be willing to learn.
nope, not really. strangely enough I was propositioned the other night by a guy I've known for a while but did not know was teh ghey. "I'm gay and I give blowjobs". Um, no thanks. for some reason the mental image of that bushy beard connecting with the pubes makes me think of velcro. That's just not right.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, my pretties. Fellate me so.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:20:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Crying emu tears," I should be here. I coulda been a contender!
Dam it captain, you could have at least made round three so our team was representing foo!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, buddy, I *tried*...but there is no escaping the clutches of the mighty Orgasmatron. His excellent poetry put my prose to shame.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is one of the reviews from Amazon.com's page for the old B&W version of 'Miracle on 34th Street.'
Say What?................, December 6, 2005
Reviewer: Brody "Brodyman" (Amity Island) - See all my reviews
I live on 34th street and have yet to see any miracles. I'm in debt, wife left, lost my job, and have a life threatening disease. When is Santa going to vist me? I'd rather watch a rerun of Saved by the Bell, more realistic.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Crying emu tears," I should be here. I coulda been a contender!
Dam it captain, you could have at least made round three so our team was representing foo!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:03:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more nekkid
--
Just let me hook up my webcam... wait a sec...
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I'm pretty busy but I'll sign up...what's my title?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My fun entry of the day - "Twelve Days of Christmas": http://www.ubersite.com/m/81206
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-19 15:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more nekkid
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:23:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:21:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:13:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister is el prego.
--
Damn that Santa!
---------------------------------
Mommy was doing more than JUST kissing santa under that tree.
--------------------------------
ha.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80739
===================================================
I <3 you ghola!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:23:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:21:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:13:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister is el prego.
--
Damn that Santa!
---------------------------------
Mommy was doing more than JUST kissing santa under that tree.
--------------------------------
ha.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80739
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:21:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:13:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister is el prego.
--
Damn that Santa!
---------------------------------
Mommy was doing more than JUST kissing santa under that tree.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister is el prego.
--
Damn that Santa!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:10:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:08:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister is el prego.
-----------------------
The four-cheese variety, or the meat sauce variety?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister is el prego.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:06:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I finished my little niece's Xmas story*.
Now I have to do one for my nephew. I'm a little bit behind.
-
* And no, it's nothing like this...
"So, Lilly, what do you think of Santa's SECRET bag of goodies?"
"The other one was big and red. This one is small and pink. I want to know what's in it!"
"Ho-ho-ho! well just pull on this and the bag will empty right in your face."
"Okay!"
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why am I so fucking numerically challenged?
First I think it's UberMas 06.
Now I think Thursday is the 21st.
Put a bullet in me, ma. My learnin's done gone bad.
Stories due midnight, Pacific, THURSDAY DEC. 22nd.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-19 14:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It seems that Flack wrote a story called 'Home for the Holidays' during the first round, even though it wasn't part of the competition.
I'm up for keeping the title, but I can ditch it in the interest of not having any repeats if anyone think it's a problem.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1) Fick me sideways. I hated that movie.
2) Thursday is the 22nd, Friday is the 23rd.
3) Fuck, I could use a good fick right now.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Talk about your difficult titles!
Maybe it's better for me that I lost round 2...any of these three choices are too fucking HARD. Much like my dick 99% of the time.
Best of luck to you all, and as promised, keep an eye out for my "Honorable Mention" submission, provided that I can find a few hours to actually DO what I have in mind...
....be afraid. Be VERY afraid....
*maniacal laughter*
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:38:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. I want Ghola to win so that I can at least say that I lost to the winner. That way I won't feel so much shame.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-19 13:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fear being stomped into the ground this time---
one boot from each of you.
Either way, it'll be fun.