the pill (2) (547 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.25 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by awj002 (View user info) at 2005-12-19 16:10:18 EST
part one: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81068
General Robert Thask entered the Oval Office. The President of the United States was wearing his usual troubled expression. He adjusted his turban.
"I'll never get used to seeing you with that turban," said Thask.
The President set the turban back in the (American-made) china cabinet and turned. "No, I don't suppose I like it any more than you do," he said. "But everything has its place, General, and the proper place for this particular artifact is here in the cabinet thingy."
"I understand that, sir, yet it continues to rub me the wrong way," replied Thask. "At any rate, I believe you had a certain matter to discuss with me this morning?"
"Of course," said the President. "We should sit."
So the men sat opposite each other, admiring. Thask in dark green, the President in charcoal grey. The rustic mahogany bookshelves, desks, nameplates. Finely varnished. Conversation came easily; everything as profoundly natural as the ozone layer that protects us from the daily onslaught of fiercely penetrating blistering and cancerous heat rays and waves.
The President spoke first. "To be honest, quite a few people are - how to say - disaffected. About that pill thing," he said. "Quite a few at the moment."
"If I'm hearing you right, they're disaffected," said Thask.
"Yes."
"About the pill thing."
"Well, yes. 69% say it should go on the market."
Thask shrugged. "The majority say we should release it."
"Sixty-nine percent," repeated the President. He looked a bit more cheery, now.
"Got it."
Then the President reached over and slid a sheet of paper from his desk. It was yellowing and slightly crinkled, as if it was a hundred years old.
"But you know what's funny, just on a sidenote," said the President, "This letter arrived from Philip Morris this morning.
And I quote:
Mr. President,
We at Philip Morris do not wish to take a great
deal of your time, but only to remind you of a few
things. First, that we are a multi-trillion dollar
corporation;
[they put 'trillion' in bold letters]
second, that we do in fact have a great deal of
interest in the sustained health of the U.S. food
industry, being that we happen to own Kraft
Foods - the world's favorite foods; last, that we
have donated quite a bit of money (both over- and
under-the-table) to your past campaign efforts and
would in most circumstances be quite willing to
continue financing your activities.
Yours,
Philip Morris
So I just wanted to share that with you. I got a laugh or two from it. Of course it is of no relation to pills that make eating an entirely useless activity."
"Of course it's not."
"So anyway, sixty-nine percent of Americans want that pill released."
"Hmm."
Thask drummed his fingers on the desk, the five of them white as cigarettes.
"Well, General." the President said after a while. "To be honest, I sense that neither of us gives a shit."
This was not altogether true. On the one hand, there could be no doubt: Thask did not care to make inquiries regarding public interests. Nor did he give a shit about not giving a shit about public interests. Not one good shit about either of those things. It had never occurred to Thask that he ought to listen to any person possessing a rank lower than his own. But to his credit, Thask was occasionally worried about his tendency to not give a shit about not giving a shit. Like right now in the Oval Office with the President, he was thinking that maybe—at some time in the future—he should think about whether he should, at some point, think about taking public opinion into consideration.
The President recalled Thask's attention to the task at hand.
"Here's what we're gonna do," said the President. "I'll keep the FDA dead in the water, for now, and I'm counting on you to handle the fallout. The idealists are going apeshit already. We've got crowds on the front lawn 24/7. We've had riots at Florida State, Madison, Berklee, Ohio, Columbia - shit, even Texas Tech. Even Mississippi State. You gotta keep a lid on this stuff - tight but not too tight. You've got the go for pickle jar, not penicillin bottle. You see what I'm saying? Once around the block tight, but not virgin."
Thask nodded. They sat in silence. Uncomfortable silence the only way to raise tension in the room, which the President required to successfully deliver his next bit of information.
"Listen, Thask. This administration can handle a Kent State, but God forbid you pull a Tienneman Square."
"Just let me do my job," said Thask.
The President and General Thask shook hands, and that bit of business was behind them.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-07-13 23:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Straight up.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2005-12-19 23:02:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
yeah same here- first part was much better.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm sorry, I liked the first bit, but this is crap. What happened? It hardly even seems to be relevant to the first bit. The style of writing seems to have changed semi-drastically and the tone is completely different.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ooooo-kay.