My Advert For A New Roommate - YOU CAN'T PAY FOR HONESTY LIKE THIS (1191 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.7 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2005-12-19 16:25:38 EST
I put together a fake post for a roommate on craigslist.com. I live in San Francisco, so I thought that I would get a few humourous responses, but that it would be clearly fake. I was wrong. Posted, for your enjoyment, is the original ad (all of which is entirely true about me, mind you), the link to it on CL.com, and some of the responses:
http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/roo/118870510.html
$1000 - I need a beer, well, more accurately I need a roommate. (SOMA / south beach)
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Reply to: hous-118870510.at.craigslist.org
Date: 2005-12-17, 11:33AM PST
25 year old, professionally underachieving male, seeks roommate. The rent may seem a bit more than you want, but this is San Francisco and you're lucky to get anything at all—much less something that you can actually afford.
About me: I have a loud and ardent opinion on almost everything under the sun, and I feel free to dispense this information at my pleasure. This opinion will likely be counter to yours based purely on the fact that I like to debate and will deliberately select the position as the devil's advocate in a juvenile attempt to goad you into argument to quench this thirst. This can become both entertaining and amusing, but most likely insulting.
I enjoy shopping for food and cooking and am happy to share any of my food that I prepare, but as such you should expect to find your own cookies, crackers and juice fair game for my gnawing 2:00 am munchie quest. I also am happy to clean dishes that are left in the sink, but it will typically take 4-5 occasions of reminding me to do it before I actually put forth the effort.
I am a large person, at 6'4" and 230lbs, and most of the things I do are on a large scale. I eat large amounts, I drink large quantities, and I talk and laugh at a large decibel level. I swim, bike, and play water polo, so many of my friends are of similar ilk, and they feel free to come by at a moment's notice and pass-out in exhaustion on the couch at their own pleasure. You can expect that after practice I will drop my bleach-scented suit and towel wherever it falls from my grip upon entry into the apartment and it will likely stay there until I need it for practice again. Same can be said for clean clothes from the dryer.
If you are male, I will invite you out to every drinking event my friends and I attend, which can range from a typical Friday night at the bar to a two-keg trolley car of death on a Tuesday night. My work obligations and personal safety will consistently be ignored and same is expected of you should you join in. If you decline any of my invitations, you will be mocked, branded some sort of derogatory term for the night, and likely left numerous messages on your eventually turned-off cell phone reminding you of this. I will remember none of these things, and to assume otherwise is foolish.
If you are female, please expect me to be engaging, friendly, courteous, and attempting to sleep with every one of your attractive friends. I will use alcohol and insults at equal distribution to achieve this, and will likely in some passing, horribly drunken night of ripped clothing and bruised ribs make a play for you as well. As noted, I will remember none of this, so expecting an apology or modified behavior is unlikely at best. If you are attractive and have large breasts, there will be an instated "no shirt rule" while in the apartment which I will honor and expect the same from you.
Utilities are in my name, and we can squabble over how to divide them and appropriate payment amounts on a month to month basis while drunk on some Wednesday night watching re-runs of "I Love the 90s" on VH1, or I can average it and include it in your rent bill. It's up to you, but I do love Mo Rocca's and other nameless comedian's witty opinions on Alice in Chains' music legacy.
Questions and applications can be submitted to the attached email address.
The address is at New Montgomery and Howard.
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Date: Sun, 18 Dec 2005 21:35:24 -0800
From: Cathy [last name removed]
To: hous-118870510.at.craigslist.org
Subject: Re: $1000 - I need a beer, well, more accurately I need a roommate. (SOMA / south beach)
Hahahaha. You're funny. Too bad you're too liberal for my semi-conservative
taste.
~Cathy
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Date: Sun, 18 Dec 2005 19:14:45 -0800
From: Steve [last name removed]
To: hous-118870510.at.craigslist.org
Subject: Re: $1000 - I need a beer, well, more accurately I need a roommate. (SOMA / south beach)
Dude,
I don't know you, but you sound like a fun guy to live with. I need a new place to live because my old roommate is a dick and we don't get along. My phone number is [REMOVED], so give me a call and we'll figure out a time to meet.
**********
Date: Mon, 19 Dec 2005 08:07:22 -0800
From: Emily [last name removed]
To: hous-118870510.at.craigslist.org
Subject: Re: $1000 - I need a beer, well, more accurately I need a roommate. (SOMA / south beach)
You sound cute. Want to buy me a beer?!? ;)
- E
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Date: Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:15:54 -0800
From: Matt[last name removed]
To: hous-118870510.at.craigslist.org
Subject: Re: $1000 - I need a beer, well, more accurately I need a roommate. (SOMA / south beach)
Hello. I loved your post. It is more money than I want to spend, but I often don't care so much about the place, but more about the company I keep. I'm 28 and work here in the city. I'm not easily offended and not easily goaded into arguments and if I feel like you're mature enough to be ridiculed without breaking down into tears, I will probably attempt to do just that. Since you're offering stats, I'm not quite as big as you. I'm 6'1", 180 lbs. I run and bike a lot, do triathlons as well. Quite frankly I suck at swimming, but I love the water. I've always thought water polo would be fun as I am quite used to having the shit kicked out of me in the pool, but never got around to it. I'd probably be a good athlete if I didn't spend most of my free evenings going out, which ruins my workouts the next day. I'd like them to create a new category in triathlon for those with hangovers.
Anyways, let me know if it's worth meeting. One question is where do you park?
Matt
**********
Stay tuned, there is one creepy email that I am not sure I want to share because I am not clear on if the email itself is a fake or not.
User Reviews
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-20 12:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like emily is the girl to choose
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-20 11:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-20 07:49:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-20 07:16:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the ad you posted, it was quality.
-1 for not including the creepy email. Whether it was someone fucking with you or not, it would have tipped this into the "kicker of all ass" territory.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-12-20 11:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Buy the chick a beer! She be the future Ex Mrs's.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-12-20 10:25:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-20 07:49:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-20 07:16:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the ad you posted, it was quality.
-1 for not including the creepy email. Whether it was someone fucking with you or not, it would have tipped this into the "kicker of all ass" territory.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-20 07:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-20 07:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the ad you posted, it was quality.
-1 for not including the creepy email. Whether it was someone fucking with you or not, it would have tipped this into the "kicker of all ass" territory.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-20 07:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Arf arf.
Submitted by parzival (user info) at 2005-12-20 02:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-19 19:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha, good luck!
Submitted by AUSSIE_CHICK (user info) at 2005-12-19 19:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:53:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
I will happily post the "creepy" email once I am sure it's not just someone fucking with me.
I need to verify the veracity of the content first. Then, you can all have at it.
- CBP
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Correct me if i'm wrong, (and i'm sure you will) but I thought that the advert was a fake; so does it matter if the creepy letter is too?
Submitted by ama (user info) at 2005-12-19 19:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd live with you
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2005-12-19 19:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I want to read the creepy email....
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-12-19 18:40:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-19 18:30:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound hot, let's fuck, etc.
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Let's fuck, etc? etc? There is more AFTER the fucking? AWESOME.
Y HALO THAR BUTSECKS!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-19 18:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound hot, let's fuck, etc.
Submitted by Kirbage (user info) at 2005-12-19 17:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheers.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-12-19 17:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:58:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd answer that, sounds like a laugh.
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You can if you like, all the links are right there in the post to direct you to the ad, and the email address.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-12-19 17:00:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a spare room. Drop everything and come live with me. My current roommate is a dick and his room stinks up the whole flat.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd answer that, sounds like a laugh.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:53:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I will happily post the "creepy" email once I am sure it's not just someone fucking with me.
I need to verify the veracity of the content first. Then, you can all have at it.
- CBP
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:49:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:29:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Give serious replies to all of them and post the results.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let the Mo-Fest begin!
Submitted by StanleyBostitch (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Stay tuned, there is one creepy email that I am not sure I want to share because I am not clear on if the email itself is a fake or not."
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Stop teasing us fuck head!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is a good technique, leave a cliff hanger about a "creepy email" so that people will +2 you to read it. Good post.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Post the creepy email and I'll double your score!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:38:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyways, let me know if it's worth meeting. One question is where do you park?
Matt
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Goddamned homos. Can't they be a little more subtle?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think i'd go with chick number two and say buy me a drink.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:30:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
probably would have been a +2 if you posted the creepy email.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-19 16:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Give serious replies to all of them and post the results.