The Dawn Of An Era: The End Of An Era (1273 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 1.35 on 59 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (View user info) at 2005-12-21 08:34:25 EST
Well, it's been a long and crazy ride. After 7 weeks of fighting and a ridiculous amount of bitching about the final delegation where indoninja voted North, and then 7 minutes later decided to change his mind thanks to a few scathing reviews from apollo directed towards ETS that he says he "didn't see" on my post yesterday, I'm sorry to say that the Confederacy has won the war.
The sad thing is that I put so much time and effort into making this a monumental success and Method didn't even fucking post once unless he was JewToast throughout the whole thing. Rober E. Lee is rolling on the fifteen whiskey bottles that he was buried with in his grave right now.
It started off with a slow response, but once things got rolling it became pretty heated around here for quite some time. I'm extremely proud of my group. Snark posted a killer entry into his Igneous series in week 4, Silvrwolf threw us a great satiristic post about popsicles that week as well, and Sully knocked one out of the park with his crazy story about Japanese people dying from politeness in week 2. There was never a day that I clicked on one of my generals and wasn't impressed with how they stepped up to the plate.
The south did a decent job as well. Though there were three weeks which only one general from the south posted, you still managed to win via slander towards anyone from our side who was just doing their thing. I still can't believe that we managed to win 4 weeks and get screwed over the final battle because of a stupid riff that developed between indoninja and Cookielass over a dumb picture. I'm not questioning his stance or that he said it was merely a change of heart was fake or anything, but I still think that it influenced him slightly in his decisions.
Then there's the whole thing with me really being a field mouse with the ability to type and understand spanish. I'm sick of being an outcast, man, why won't you people let me live my life? So what if a mouse gets to have sex with humans four times a week? It's not like I even want to because i'm approximately the size of a vagina. I always end up doing all the work, but i've come up with a delicious way to get back at them via pooping in their uterus if they try and squeeze down on me while i'm in there. I can't help it if my backstory and ability to play guitar makes women try to choke themselves with their panties out of lust.
The MVP's of the war were decided upon by post quality, worthy reviews, and dedication to this contest. This was a very hard decision, but at the end of the day me and Method agree these people deserve credit.
North - SILVRWOLF, SNARK, AND LADYPLURAL!!!
South - FARTSMELLER, APOLLO88, AND TINACTIN!!!
Excellent job, guys. Fartsmeller even made B@W with his post "Ghetto Versions Of Spam And Such", which is well deserved because I highly agree with him on the whole way of thinking about druggin women and branding them like cattle then they have no choice but to become zombie sex slaves to us. You should think about a career in electric engineering, my friend.
I still can't believe this whole thing started one night when I was having sex with the corpse of Julie Garland in Cali. I was just gnawing away at her neck, spine or whatever it is, when I thought about how Ubersite needed to vent some frustration via death by words. If only then I would know that I would be brewing about the greatest contest/feud in the history of the internet, I would have stocked up on more alcohol! HA! Alcohol.
Can you believe that my hometown gave me the key to the city for this? Sure, it consists of me and a tree, but that tree, I mean seriously, he's been doing things. Last week it started growing apples. How the fuck do you compete with something like a tree bearing fruit in winter, huh? That and the whole thing with it mocking me from outside, like i'm not badass enough to stand out in the yard all day and night in the freezing cold and not die. DO NOT TEST ME MOTHERFUCKER.
I would like to thank everyone involved with this competition. Without you guys this would have never been, and that's not simply stating the obvious I think I would also like to thank iddqd and wardy for being such assholes and posing as north korea and china every single week we battled. You guys were cracking me up with your ME NO RIKEY ENGRISH speak every time I turned a corner. I also need to thank Fabit for the tremendous amount of effort towards the photoshops and late night AIM sessions we had throughout. That's why i'm making you an honorary Confederacy general for bragging rights. Not only have you now won the war as well, but you're going to get a piece of that $20,000 dollar pie that was announced as the prize two weeks ago. Congrats buddy, you've earned it.
Oh, and Method gets to officially fuck me in the ass like he requested, or try to as I see it. I'd like to see you fly all the way to Ohio and knock on my door all like a sissy, and i'm not there because I'm bowling for breast cancer, so you, you like, you come to the bowling alley and zoom, I'm off to Italy. Where you at, playboy? Who's got the homecourt advantage now? I'm drinking wine like a god of the ocean man, you're just scratching at the parasites on your boys, not on your pubes because you go bald eagle like a pornstar right? You're all going back to your house and then hey, It's GLALL in a pickup truck on a suprise trip back to the US, and he's got AIDS in a cup, and it's getting thrown all over your shirt playboy. Then i'm going to Best Buy and buying The Crystal Method "Tweekend" compact disc which I will promptly break in line to show my undying hatred for music and your disgraceful name. Enjoy your fleeting feelings of whimsy because you know it, I know it, you will die by my sword someday. It is destiny.
I'll leave you all with a week-by-week analysis of the first Civil War of Ubersite. Thank you all, and god bless.
Week 1
North
Ladyplural, Axolotl (Ecstasy Is For Emo Kids/Holly And The Flying Frying Circus Pan)
VS
G-prime, MistressFist (I Want To Orally Rape Jeb Stuart/Kittens Are Gods Among Creatures, And You Know It)
Union Wins by 2-1 vote
Week 2
North
SullyThePirate, Cookielass (Japanese Girls Taste Like Styrofoam Cups/Teh Hotness Thing: Chevy Chase)
VS
Lisa, Jeanneee (I Fucking Hate This Contest And Everyone Involved/Did not participate)
Union Wins by 3-0 vote
Week 3
North
Zakalwe, MyNameIsTim (-2 Degrees Celsius/I'm So Godamn Wasted That I Would Fuck A Pasta Shell Of Any Sort)
VS
Fartsmeller, Scott Peterson (Ghetto Versions Of Spam And Such/Pictures Of My Dog Dancing On A Table)
Confederacy Wins by 2-1 vote
Week 4
North
Snark, Silvrwolf (Igneous Ignacious Has A Bad Hair Day/Popsicles Are Good? Good Like How? Like Nutritious Good? I Beg To Differ)
VS
scourge, rad1101 (Kill And Eat Your Own Food/I Can Build A Bridge Out Of Guns; Or The Reason Why I Only Have Seven Fingers)
Union Wins by 3-0 vote
Week 5
North
MyTeeOne, The_Yellow_Dart (Cowboys Caused Me To Have Seizures/The Hell That Expands Beyond And Consumes Life)
VS
JewToast, tinactin (Ten Unquestionable Pieces Of Evidence As To Why GLALL Eats Semen/ did not participate)
Union Wins by 2-1 vote
Week 6
North
electrictoothsyndrome, badassmofo (OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!/Fun Things To Eat While High)
VS
Shlongy, apollo88 (Final Thesis On the Paradoxes And Limitations Of The Human Mind/Poop: You Smell Like It)
Confederacy Wins by 2-1 vote
Week 7 (Worth 3 battle points)
North
GLALL, HighVoltage9000, badassmofo, Silvrwolf, electrictoothsyndrome, MyTeeOne, MANICMOTHER,
VS
Fartsmeller, JonnyX, Shlongy, scourge, apollo88, Scott Peterson, G-prime, pantsarestupid, MistressFist
Confederacy Wins by 2-1 vote
Previous Installments Of The Dawn Of An Era:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81205
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81046
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80993
User Reviews
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-10 18:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ra ra ra ra
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-30 03:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummmm... *cough*... uhhh I'm not sure how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it.
I totally forgot about this thing till just now.
Do I still get honorable mention?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-25 01:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81470
Take that, Northern Bitch.
I'm drunk, it's Christmas, and I'm on Uber.....
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2005-12-23 02:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 08:34:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not done with this.
____________________________
Waits...
all alone
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-21 22:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am at your command my general: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81316
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-21 22:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress 'em up, and make 'em reenact the Civil
War! Heh, heh, heh!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer the Great
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-12-21 21:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alas, we did our best and came up short. If it hadn't been for a monkey in a butler suit stealing my daughters away during our family hour of Spongebob Squarepants, I'd have been able to compete sooner. I hated to send that leopard after him 'cause he was so cute, but hell, ever since I decided to free my slaves and join the north, they're the only labor force I have left.
I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-12-21 18:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Politeness makes me go Stephanie Tanner season 2 sometimes, what can I say?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-21 17:28:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, and Method gets to officially fuck me in the ass like he requested, or try to as I see it. I'd like to see you fly all the way to Ohio and knock on my door all like a sissy, and i'm not there because I'm bowling for breast cancer, so you, you like, you come to the bowling alley and zoom, I'm off to Italy. Where you at, playboy? Who's got the homecourt advantage now? I'm drinking wine like a god of the ocean man, you're just scratching at the parasites on your boys, not on your pubes because you go bald eagle like a pornstar right? You're all going back to your house and then hey, It's GLALL in a pickup truck on a suprise trip back to the US, and he's got AIDS in a cup, and it's getting thrown all over your shirt playboy. Then i'm going to Best Buy and buying The Crystal Method "Tweekend" compact disc which I will promptly break in line to show my undying hatred for music and your disgraceful name. Enjoy your fleeting feelings of whimsy because you know it, I know it, you will die by my sword someday. It is destiny.
----------------
ha. ha. ha.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-12-21 17:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did I miss something? I want to orally rape Jeb Stuart? Whaaa?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ya know considering how much butter is in alfredo i think man butter would've been more appropriate. now we just need an italian to supply it. then it's like home cookin.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate how I've been sick in bed for a few days and missed the whole thing.
Sorry to scourge, who had to go up alone against Snark and Silvrwolf
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:23:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man batter.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what's in your alfredo?
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
My ability to sense the potential for failure, at this site, has once again been proven correct regardless of what name I choose to post under.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god Cookie, that was not an image for my overactive imagination.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-12-21 15:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
inion, two words: manicotti shells
It could be done.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-21 14:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-21 13:45:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm So Godamn Wasted That I Would Fuck A Pasta Shell Of Any Sort"
Someone must write this post.
----------------
someone male, i dunno if fishing shells out of hoohoos is exactly as entertaining. then again, thinking about that, i could be wrong. hmmm... trying to figure out the mechanics of either gender effectively doing that is... yeah i'll stop now.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-21 14:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's another:
Method makes metrosexual men merry.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-21 14:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've come up with a new tongue twister:
Shlongy sluprs slippery semen for supper.
Say that 100 times real fast over a loudspeaker.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-21 14:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reporting for duty, Gen. Specific: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81311
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-12-21 14:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never dropped acid in my life, FYI.
-----------------
Thank God.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-21 13:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm So Godamn Wasted That I Would Fuck A Pasta Shell Of Any Sort"
Someone must write this post.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-21 13:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:19:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, then your plan is no different from the current Royals' ownership.
No, the current KC Royals ownership policy is "Don't ask, Don't give a shit about winning ever again".
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 13:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You people are seriously trying to mess with my head with all this talk like none of this ever happened. Very, very funny guys. Twisted no doubt, but still funny that everyone got together and decided to play "let's confuse GLALL" day thing.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-12-21 12:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dont you worry glall (thats the first time ive written that abbreviation. bask in the glow.), if and when this gets off the ground i am going to fucking NAIL everyone and everything involved.
youse cunts are fuckin GONE.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-12-21 12:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell hath no furry like its own furry
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:47:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GODDAMNIT YOU SOUTHERN HILLBILLY! STOP TRYING TO UNDERMINE MY TACTICS, METHOD! It's not even my week. NEXT week is my week. Duh.
DEATH TO THE SOUTH! NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION! oh wait... wrong war.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:46:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Final Thesis On the Paradoxes And Limitations Of The Human Mind/Poop: You Smell Like It
ha.
-2 Degrees Celsius/I'm So Godamn Wasted That I Would Fuck A Pasta Shell Of Any Sort
ha.
not really sure what happened here.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
GLALL: This is a proper head fuck. Sitting on the fence I can see that the south will need to return a volley at an equal or greater velocity.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it to late to demand a recount?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, then your plan is no different from the current Royals' ownership.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed all of this. I feel like that retarded kid who laughs because everyone else is, but has no idea what is really going on.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm trying to run them into the ground due to my hatred of "baseball version" Bo Jackson and his legacy there, Shlongy, but thanks for your advice.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
go pats w00
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really? See if you can sign someone as a free agent worth a shit, then.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:47:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That cannot be proven. I am now the owner of the Kansas City Royals.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, then our second choice is "dropped on your head" - repeatedly- at birth.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:38:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never dropped acid in my life, FYI.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LSD, breakfast of champions.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:25:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, if I read this correctly, and after deciphering all of GLALL's jibberish, I can't really be too sure of that...I won?
Where's my crystal vase?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:07:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:57:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:47:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
<damn all this patriotism has gotten me fired up, now I feel like going out and burning a small southern city.>
----------------------------
Just do us a favor and burn down Detroit
-------------------------
I can't burn down Detroit. It isn't Devil's Night.
All things in their appointed time, you know that.
--------------------
no but tonight's the longest night of the year. let's give michigan some light.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-21 10:03:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Week 4
North
Snark, Silvrwolf (Igneous Ignacious Has A Bad Hair Day/Popsicles Are Good? Good Like How? Like Nutritious Good? I Beg To Differ)
VS
scourge, rad1101 (Kill And Eat Your Own Food/I Can Build A Bridge Out Of Guns; Or The Reason Why I Only Have Seven Fingers)
Union Wins by 3-0 vote
-----
We gladly gave of ourselves so that the Souuth could carry on to final victory. Too bad rad died at the battle of week four.
We needed something to kill and eat as a demonstration to the men.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:57:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:47:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
<damn all this patriotism has gotten me fired up, now I feel like going out and burning a small southern city.>
----------------------------
Just do us a favor and burn down Detroit
-------------------------
I can't burn down Detroit. It isn't Devil's Night.
All things in their appointed time, you know that.
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF? I DIDN'T EVEN JUDGE ANYTHING!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<damn all this patriotism has gotten me fired up, now I feel like going out and burning a small southern city.>
----------------------------
Just do us a favor and burn down Detroit
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!
All Hail Glall, Master of The Random Rant.
All Hail Glall, Confuser of the Enemy.
We shall annoint you in the blood of your enemies as true ruler of the Uber Union.
Just as soon as we can catch a couple of the fuckers.
<damn all this patriotism has gotten me fired up, now I feel like going out and burning a small southern city.>
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:41:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i'm not gonna stop being a whore just cuz the war ends... i dunno bout you jeanneee, but i'll live strong and carry on.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell ETS????? You got amnesia or something? And come on Cooks, I'm flattered that you want this to continue so badly, but like all things in life we must let this go. Am I the only sane person left on this site?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:35:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:21:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Week 6
North
electrictoothsyndrome, badassmofo (OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!/Fun Things To Eat While High)
VS
Shlongy, apollo88 (Final Thesis On the Paradoxes And Limitations Of The Human Mind/Poop: You Smell Like It)
Confederacy Wins by 2-1 vote
----------------
What the fuck is this shit?
When did the fucking war start?
------
Yeah wtf is going on?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS: It's a headfuck.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:23:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Method, I had a super time being your whore in waiting. We simply must do it again.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Week 6
North
electrictoothsyndrome, badassmofo (OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!/Fun Things To Eat While High)
VS
Shlongy, apollo88 (Final Thesis On the Paradoxes And Limitations Of The Human Mind/Poop: You Smell Like It)
Confederacy Wins by 2-1 vote
----------------
What the fuck is this shit?
When did the fucking war start?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:17:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
UMM HELLO COOKIELASS ITS WEDNESDAY, THIS IS ALL A DIVERSIONARY TACTIC BY GLALL TO GET THE SOUTH TO LET THEIR GUARD DOWN
POST THAT SHIT YOU NORTHERN WHORE
Wait, what team are you on?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-12-21 09:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't give this a +2. I never even got my turn to post, and I had a kickass post reserved just for it. A post that wasn't a collage of hot guys, mind you. *sigh*
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-21 08:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't appreciate your questioning of my impartiality while judging.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-21 08:43:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It really was a great competition, and you were a worthy opponent. I would like to give a special thank you to my three whores in waiting, Inion_de_trua, Jeannee and MistressFist for making this whole ordeal bearable. If I wasn't getting my taint licked and my knob polished by these three broads on a daily basis, I think I would have lost my mind.
A very special thank you to Jewtoast for financing this whole thing, and making sure that certain key family members of the northern generals were kidnapped and held hostage, thus destroying northern morale.
All in all, it was a great competition, and I am looking forward to ass ramming you with a feather duster tomorrow night.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-12-21 08:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not done with this.