I wonder why my head hurts? (Warning: Nonsensical rambling) (695 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.42 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beer_bong (View user info) at 2005-12-21 11:23:52 EST
I think I think way to much. Or not enough. Either way, I should just stop thinking.
I want a muffin. Why the fuck do people name their cats 'Muffin'?. God I hate cats. Who the fuck was Cat Stevens? I always here the name, but have no clue. Was he a comedian? Denis Leary is a great comedian. I watched "No cure for cancer." last night, it was great. Cancer would suck. I should quit smoking. Maybe just cut back. That fucker cut me off, FUCK YOU GREEN HONDA!!! You think they named the guy in Street Fighter 2 after the cars? Devon Aoki drove a badass pink S2000 in "2 fast 2 furious." That'd be the only pink car I'd ever drive. I like pink, its a fun color. I should totally buy a coloring book. Shit, I still have to take those books back to library. Forgot to read them. I hate going to the library. Its right next to 7-11. I love 7-11. Maybe I should go to the casino. Nah, christmas drained my bank account. Why the fuck did I get christmas presents for my poker buddies? They were on sale. I want to go sailing sometime. Cruise around the bay, maybe do some fishing. I don't like fish. Tuna is okay. So is smoked salmon. I really to to smoke less. I should stop smoking weed. Nah, then how would I get high? Why do I love getting high, but am still deathly afraid of heights? Mark just moved into Arbor Heights apartments. I hate apartments, too many people. My house is too crowded. Why is Jeff's sister staying with us? Bitch is 29 and can't afford a fucking hotel?! WHAT THE FUCK! I should go get a hotel room for a couple of nights. Be a mini vacation. Not Holiday Inn. Ugh, prom night was horrible. I hate Holiday Inn because of prom night. Hmm, I haven't seen Heather for a while. I wonder if she had her kid yet. Little bastard. Wait, I'm a bastard. I hate my dad. Maybe he's not my dad. Maybe my dad is Elton John. Nah, he's gay. I think Jason is gay. He's never really been into chicks. He's 20 and still a virgin. I never did see "The 40 year old virgin." I don't really like Steve Carrell. His show sucks. Its on after My name is Earl. Jason Lee is hilarious. I want a cool nickname like "Crab Man". Except I don't want to ever get crabs. I'd like to stay clear of all STD's at least untill I'm 35 and cheating on my wife with hookers from South Tacoma Way. I hate the fucking that street. Except the porn store. Jerry's Adult Bookstore. Its always packed in the morning on my way to class. Who needs porn at 8:30 in the morning? Perverted assholes. I'm an asshole, I'm an asshole, he's the worlds biggest asshole. I should drive real slow in the ultra fast lane. Life in the fast lane. Who did that song? Some shitty band. System of a Down's latest CD is pretty shitty. Too much noise, not enough music. What the fuck was that noise outside last night? It sounded like a whale. Ugh, Amber is going to in today. I hate that fat pig. I should have picked a Bacon and Egg McMuffin. Damn, I kind of want a muffin.
You see that. I go through trains of thought like that 18 billion times a day. I think I have ADD. Who the fuck came up with that name? Fuck him. Shit, stop it.
I don't even remember the drive in because of shit like this. Ita amazing I haven't plowed into any on the road. I need to concentrate on the road. On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again. Willie Nelson is a certifiable badass. He was hilarious in "Dukes of Hazzard."
There once was a man from Trent
Whose pecker, it was bent
So to save her the trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went
I'm sitting here listening to Shinedown's new CD, which is pretty good. I saw them in concert last year. It was okay. Ozzfest was a lot better. I got so fucking high. I should quit smoking weed. Fuck that, Jesse just bought a new bong and we need to break it in. Its pink. I like pink. What was that chicks name from the poker table the other night? She had a pink shirt on. Made her tits look great. I totally would have fucked her. But I took a big pot from her and she stopped talking to me. Bitch. Did I put the dog out? She's going to piss all over everything. Wait, Jeff is home. He'll put her out. Good ole Jeff. That big fag, I love him. His boyfriend is annoying as fuck. Flaming queen, that one. I never did care much for Queen Elizabeth. Or any queen generally. It just doesn't sound right. I think, regardless of gender, rulers should be known as Kings. King Paul has a nice ring. If I was king of Columbia I could be King Pablo. The 4th. Always have to have a number. Why do I always wear number 44? Who was that guy on the Mariners who used to wear it? Paul Sorrento. The one game I went to at the Kingdome he hit a monster home run. Upper deck in right center.
I've got to stop. This post has absolutely no content and I apologize. I probably shouldn't even post this. I should at least spell check it. Nah, I'm great speller. 8th grade spelling bee champ from Keithley Middle School right fucking here. I shoudn't be proud of that. Who was my english teacher in 8th grade? Mrs. Stumpf. What the fuck kind of name is that. Stumpf. She was friends with my mom. She had an awesome couch in her classroom. We used to fight for it. I gave Jason a wicked Charlie horse once after he stole my spot on it. I loved that couch. It was pretty small though. I need a couch I can nap on. Why the fuck haven't we bought a couch. Lazy fucking roomates.
Okay thats it. My brain is offically on autopilot for the rest of the day. I wish I had cruise control. Jake sets his cruise control even though he's only driving like 3 miles. Dumbass. I wonder how his new computer is coming. Its going to be a piece of shit. The case is pretty cool though. Its got like 8 fans. Fuck I left my fan on in my room. Its going to be freezing in there. I'll be wearing my Bullwinkle slipppers tonight. Did Boris and Natasha ever get them? I remember that bitch Natasha that Steve dated. Hated her. She must have sucked dick like a pro because she was dumb as a post.
I'm not doing a fucking thing today. Fuck the company.
I've posted this pig before, but I still love it. I want a pig just so I can do this.
User Reviews
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-21 23:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want my reach around!
...... what?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:58:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"You're a total babe. I liked your movie where you got lost in the city with the other pigs."
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you can read this and not get a headache, you deserve a medal. Or at the very least, a reach around. And no I don't know who Cat Stevens is.
I really just wanted to post the pig. Its my happy picture.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i couldn't read it... but i liked the pig.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YU NEED MEDICATION TO CALM YOUR BRAIN A BIT.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Do you really not know who Cat Stevens is?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:27:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That first half-paragraph made my head hurt so I stopped reading.
That 0 rating is meant in a benefit-of-the-doubt way.
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2005-12-21 11:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
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