Be careful what you.... (531 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by proofofpurchase (View user info) at 2005-12-21 21:08:33 EST
Tonight will be fun.....I hear her breathing, breathing. Nice and steady, strong. It was easy to get in and now I am anxious.
I peer through her bedroom doorway and see her stir. Her foot slips from under the blankets and the skin looks divine. There is a hum in the air and it is soothing to the ears.
I now enter and feel the carpet spring under my feet each step I take. There are snowflakes falling from the sky outside the window that I can see between the blinds. I must remember that sound travels loudly without the din of daytime.
A soft glow intrudes the scene from a bathroom nightlight and makes it possible for me to plan where I will start. My head is swimming of thoughts of the after but I am only here now to begin to plan the during.
Call this, the before...
I exit through the hallway and move slowly to the next doorway. Glancing in, it is easy to distinguish whose room I have entered for as I breathe the sweet smell is familiar. This is where I will come to last. I pictured this room in my mind a thousand times and I am reassured of my wished intent. The clock above the desk starts a soft chime to signal that it is now time for me to leave.
I will be back to plan the rest for I have seen what had once been just a thought.
I carefully turn around but before I take a step, my ears detect a faint whisper from the closet on the left. I gain strength from anticipation as those whispers yet again, become my thoughts. This same voice once invited me and now I will not leave.
My reward is that they never learn.
User Reviews
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-12-30 11:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This wasn't bad.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-21 22:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I will go against the grain and say I really liked this. Creepy and haunting. I normally would ask for it to be longer but would making it longer do the story any good? Maybe maybe not. Nice post.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2005-12-21 21:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Garbage
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2005-12-21 21:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#1- "I can see between the blinds that there are snow......."
#2 I am/It is...a little stilted.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-21 21:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Mom? Are you awake?"