The Exchange (Poetry) (439 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -0.31 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DH (View user info) at 2005-12-22 10:31:41 EST
We ride now on two roads, alike
In likeness only—each discrete—
Strike neither high nor lower path,
But dote, that we may meet.
We sit us on our mountaintops
With sights enough to fill the mind—
Both noting every new eclipse;
Both to the other blind.
We rest on beds of calamus—
That his is greenest, each remark—
Debate, and argue for our own,
And to our own, we part.
We spend these brief, disparate times
In silence—two alone in thought—
And he with his, as I with mine,
To linger on our lot.
We nightly die our little deaths
In separate rooms, below one roof.
Perhaps a corridor exists—
As yet, there is no proof—
User Reviews
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me not my head.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-22 15:08:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It may not meet with much acclaim here, but I like it.
Just keep on keepin' on, or, as my grandmammy used to say: "Be what you is, Buta Nife."
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:49:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I completely disagree with HighVoltage.
NEVER conform.
Orgazmatron is accepted because his poetry is easy to read and often invovles uberisms everyone here can understand. His story pieces find praise because the metre is consistant and he doesn't just go "woe is me".
I actually prefer a bit more of a freeform style of poetry myself - one that isn't constrained by the 'cleverness' of rhyme and metre. Instead, I think poetry should rise and fall like a beating heart or a rolling hill...effortlessly tripping over metaphor like bands of bumbling baffoons. I prefer ambiguous paintings of words so constructed that they give you an overall 'sense' of meaning without be at all specific. Word choice and cadence are the most important elements in good poetry, to me.
Don't conform your poetry. If it's not accepted here, so be it, but that's no reason to change what you do to satify others. That is, unless that's your goal.
I rate poetry here based on how it touches me personally...on whether it hits that certain spot inside myself. This one didn't strike that chord with me, but that's not to say it won't strike that chord with someone else.
Just probably not on ubersite.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not sure what I think of this one. I found the train of thought confusing to follow.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
better than i coulda done, but gave me flashbacks of freshman english. the bad kind.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:55:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno how to review this. I think this boy needs guidance, not bashing.
Okay first off, poetry is allowed to be a little out there, but it takes a REAL master to make something that obviously makes no sense and have it be good. You are not at that level yet. This lacked flow and well....I don't know what the word for understandablity is so I will say it lacks "teh RoXor". It's difficult to post poetry on here because some people *coughcoughorgasmatroncough* like to put stuff up here and when people see poetry that doesn't have his name by it, you're automatically screwed. I know I do it. Read more stuff, read orgasmatrons stuff, see what gets good ratings and what doesn't, and try and do your own flare with that stuff. Once you get higher ratings, then branch (slowly) out to your own territory. Being yourself is bullshit, cause it'll get you killed. Conform and then find yourself amongst the conformity because Ubersite is about society, and everyone fits SOMEWHERE in society.
Good luck.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:33:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
Enough with this faggotry already. Just because Orgasmatron does it doesn't give everyone a free pass to post any random shit poetry they feel like. He's allowed to because....HE'S GOOD AT IT
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HA HA FANBASE
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It didn't do anything for me, but I still respect people who write poetry.
Mostly.
Submitted by ledastwins (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha ... got my answer before I even asked for it. thanks guys
Submitted by ledastwins (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Trying to figure out of this is worth anything, or just glorifying melodrama ...
It was, however, an interesting study in working with formal elements, like most of what I've been up to recently.
Not to mention resembling something out of Dickinson, esp. with the dashes ... but I guess its understandable after studying her for half a semester. Enough to drive any bloke nutters.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Enough with this faggotry already. Just because Orgasmatron does it doesn't give everyone a free pass to post any random shit poetry they feel like. He's allowed to because....HE'S GOOD AT IT
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Can I 'exchange' this for my money back?