Bart, I Thank You (1159 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.93 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (View user info) at 2005-12-22 10:35:45 EST
It's the time of year that I give proper credit to some of the things for which I'm thankful. First and foremost, I think Ubersite and you as the man who created it deserve their due. There's some other shit I'm thankful for, too, but no one gives a red fuck about family and friends and health and all that other bullshit.
Master Bart, when I first stumbled upon Ubersite (by random chance), I thought: Now here's a warm, loving community that would welcome and embrace me with open arms and minds. A place where my hideously disfigured visage and extraordinary antisocial skills would go unnoticed and I would be cherished, loved and accepted as one of the "normals". Let me tell you something: I was right! I lurked around reading posts and dropping "Random Joe" comments for several months before summoning the balls to register. It took me all the power I possessed as a 7th level sorcerer to summon them but by Gaia, I did it and it was worth it. Wait, what? Forget I said that.
Every time I posted, people said such warm, wonderful things like, "Eat a dick, shitstain!" and, "You suck goat ass, fuckstick!" It gave me that most wonderful of feelings. (DISCLAIMER: I was actually relatively well-received here at first for all you mongos who want to say something about it. Bart and I are talking here. Go play in traffic with until we're done and I'll give you a pretty picture to look at. (Yeah, I ended a sentence with a preposition and these are embedded parentheses; get bent) Here, take these razor blades.) Where was I? Oh yeah, wonderful feelings and shit.
The wide world of Uber introduced me to fantastical, poignant sayings such as, "-2 DIE" and "HAR HAR PEENER," followed shortly thereafter by, "What the hell, man?" and "Soup's on, bitches!" They're phrases that I make sure I use on a daily basis in the real world; much to the chagrin of anyone who's ignorant in the ways of this "fucking website" (c/o the ex-girlfriend whose breasts are featured in not one, but TWO of my posts. Burn in hell, you filthy fat cow! I gave your narcissistic ass an animated .gif of your melons for the entire world to see and you thank me by fucking some 300-pound dumb-shit in MY bed while I'm freezing my ass off in a campsite in November in the fucking mountains?!? But I'm not bitter. No, really; I'm over it. Why are you looking at me like that?).
Aside from expanding my insult vocabulary (shitweasel, gobshite, etc.) and phrases that make others want to smash my face with a brick, Uber has taught me other things, as well. At the top of the list has to be that even a dead-broke, mattress-on-the-floor-as-a-bed, uneducated country boy from the mountains of Virginia can have sex with a girl from another continent. He can hear, "Ooooo, FUCK!" in a different accent as he brings her to orgasm. Maybe I was that damned good or maybe I burned her with a cigarette lighter; I'm not at liberty to reveal my sexual secrets. Regardless, without Ubersite, that would never have happened.
By creating this place, Barticus, you've given me an outlet to tell total strangers to go copulate with a splintered piece of wood and die, or consume feces and live. You've given me a place to express my pent-up rage at being beaten as a child or being diagnosed with cancer at 12 years old and surviving it only to watch my best friend cut his own throat in the same year. You've given me the courage to articulate the heartbreak of being cheated on (I think we've covered that sufficiently), watching my first business fail and still being able to blow (read, pay huge debts) $450k in less than 3 months.
What do I have to show for it now? Nothing, save for an undying love for a niche I carved in a virtual environment where I've met new, mostly-faceless people while simultaneously retreating from everything that is reality. Sunlight has become my mortal enemy and my skin is now transparent. Actually, partially because of Ubersite I've grown daring and audacious enough to tell my parents to quit bitching about local property taxes and move to the beach while signing the deed to the Civil War-era farm to me. Muhaha, suckers! I'm a homeowner! And I owe it all to Ubersite, or more directly, you, Mr. Cilfone.
Thank you and happy holidays!
Soup's on, bitches!
I mean, sincerely yours
-Jeremy
P.S. Since Ubersite is also the origin of my exposure to the unholy duet of tubgirl and goatse, I've filled the gas tank of your car with flat ginger ale and rotten asparagus. Let me know how that works out for you.
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Since this post wasn't very good and you've all been so patient (or not), here's a picture I took on a mountain in Giles County, VA:
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-14 15:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-13 04:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks! I just saw this.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good on you Jeremy, you deserve it.
Happy belated Christmas and New Year.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-12-22 19:47:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
EatMeCompletely:
Giles county is in southwest VA, bordering WV. The Appalachian Trial slices right through it and it has some of the best views in the state, though Craig County's venues are nice, too (especially Dragon's Tooth). The Ubercon was put on hold because #1) I was broke and wanted it to be a blowout affair and #2) because I'm trying to get all my affairs together here at home. I fell in love (yeah, again) and got my heart broken and decided to get my life straight before I did anything else. However, I have access to the beach house anytime I wish and plan on trying once again in the spring. The holidays and my daughters are taking up alot of my time and money right now but I'm honestly trying to get something together. I need a break and a kickass party would do the trick.
ubetidid:
I only wish that was the view from the farm, although I'm thinking about posting a pic of the log cabin and land soon. It's badass; you can't even hear traffic on the main road when it passes. I can roam most of the property naked if I want and no one would see me (I don't, though :( ). That pic was taken from the peak of Butt Mountain (elev. 4400 ft.) near an old fire lookout tower. It's a nice bluff up there. I climbed down the rocks a little to get the pic at about 8:00AM while the clouds were still low. I have tons of shots like that from different local places. There's a lot of nice area around here in the Jefferson and George Washington Nat'l Forests (a total of 1.3 million acres).
inion_de_trua:
Sadly, the titties were the best part of that old girl. She was literally a coal miner's daughter and had the personality of a burnt stick. I don't miss her in the least; I'm just still pissed that she cheated on me with some fat, useless asshat and blamed it on our lack of money. I can't be too bitter, though; she lives with that guy in a trailer with three cats and a dog and can't get a job because she's a convicted felon. She's reaping what she's sown, really. I do kinda miss those big ol' jugs, though. If only she could detach them... or if when they were exposed, her vocal cords didn't work.
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Thanks, everyone. I had no idea this post would get the reception it did. I've been up to my elbows in beef all day (slaughter time sucks) and just wanted to drop a holiday note to our esteemed giver-of-a-place-to-relieve-boredom. I honestly thought that Bart needed to be thanked for this place when I have SO much to be thankful for this year. Happy Holidays, y'all! (<--couldn't resist. I don't really talk that way. Really. Why are you looking at me like that again?!?)
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-22 18:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-12-22 17:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2005-12-22 17:06:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Auto +1 for landscapes
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-22 16:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heart Bart.
Otherwise I'd be "killing my boss at work" instead of just plain old "bored at work".
It really makes the day go faster.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-22 16:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart = our hero
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-12-22 14:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All bow to the creator "Bart"....
Hail Hail Hail
(Bows)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-22 14:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Anybody here who does not want to be crucified, raise their hand now...that's what I thought."
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-22 14:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You speak the truth good sage.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy hooters batman! 36DDD?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-22 13:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:07:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
inion: here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/42196 (this one is SFW) and here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/42491 (NSFW!)
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i work for a porn mag, there is no taboo. as long as it's legal in america i'm good. :D coolest job EVAR!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:47:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the view from your farm is breathtaking
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh the loss productivity
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The only time bart clears his busy schedule to "break bread" with Shlongy is when he has to ban me.
That's weak.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:20:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see Giles county, but whereabouts in VA is that?
I would like to go there. When the fuck is Ubercon Chesapeake dammit?!
Insert Linkwhore <http://www.ubersite.com/m/81303>
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-12-22 12:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LadyP: The only wrangling I do goes on after hours. ;)
Eh, I'm lying. I have no life, much less a love life.
inion: here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/42196 (this one is SFW) and here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/42491 (NSFW!)
Shlongy: It's all good, man. I, too, for the most part have been neglected by the presence of Bart. I think it's because he doesn't like white people.
ETS: You're right. I would steal it. And I'd make $3005 on it just to cheese you off.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a fucking awesome idea that could make me like, at least $3000 dollars yesterday! But I can't tell you or you'll do it first and steal my $3000.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the future, the Morlocks will worship Bart as they maintain the Ubersite machinery deep under the earth.
Our Eloi descendants will communicate in uberspeak with no idea of its origins.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"At the top of the list has to be that even a dead-broke, mattress-on-the-floor-as-a-bed, uneducated country boy from the mountains of Virginia can have sex with a girl from another continent. He can hear, "Ooooo, FUCK!" in a different accent as he brings her to orgasm."
-------
A_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
YES!
Great ain't it! :D
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck bart...he's never around, never visits me in SC and he NEVER rates my posts.
I won't make YOU pay for his transgressions by minus 2-ing your ass, but by God, am I tempted.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
huzzah
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this, and the picture. good ramblings. where's her boobs?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:18:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think on some level we all have some affection for Bart for creating this great medium.
Here's to you fuckwad!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win
or lose: it's how drunk you get.
-- Homer Simpson
Bart Gets An Elephant
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your ex-cheating-whore's boobs made a lot of people very happy.
Every time I think of you I hear Princess Buttercup saying the word "Farmboy" in my head. It's sexy.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-22 11:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe. Workin' on the farm...
Do you wrangle things?
^
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(ignorant city girl)
(it's not really *that* bad)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LadyPlural: Thank you so much. You know how to make a guy blush. And I'm not even wearing a harness.
I miss chatting with you. Sadly, my time online is limited to short bursts these days. Between work and the farm, I just jump online when I come inside to warm by the fire.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess Bart's not to blame. He's lucky, too, because it's spanking
season, and I got a hankering for some spankering!
-- Homer Simpson
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SilvrWolf, you rock.
Seriously, you do.
That is all.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Homer: I'm a bad father!
Selma: You're also fat!
Homer: I'm also fat!
Saturdays of Thunder
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-22 10:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And remember not to act afraid. Animals can smell fear. And they
don't like it.
-- Homer Simpson
The Call of the Simpsons