The Uberbury Tales: Prologue (2359 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: uberbury_tales
Rating: 1.75 on 161 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2005-12-23 13:55:03 EST
Hopefully this won't be biting off more than I can chew, since I've already created a project of sorts for myself with this "What's in a Name" nonsense, but I got to thinking about how I could merge the worlds of Uber and poetry and yet still tell a lengthy story.
Well, and, in all honesty, how to keep myself occupied if there were days when I simply wasn't feeling particularly original.
And so I bring you this. This potential beast of an undertaking that may just come to an end after everyone's introductions have been handled (but could very well continue and turn into individual tales if the soul of Chaucer doesn't plague my dreams and curse me to shit blood on a nightly basis before then).
The Uberbury Tales
When December with her snowfall, white
The death November brings has hid from sight
And bathed each branch and bough with powd'ry kiss
That so inspires fire's roar and hiss;
When Zephyr also has, with his cool breeze,
Slowed again the grass, the flowers, the trees,
The very earth itself, and shiv'ring sun
May shine not rays onto the fox's run,
And bird and bear between no longer bound,
Convincing eyes to close and mouths not sound
(For Nature coos them all to sleep, sedate) -
Then do people yearn to celebrate,
And carolers appear, singing strange songs
To everyone in earshot all day long.
And then from every corner of the earth
Presents, bought, exchanged to mark Christ's birth,
The folks appear with sweaters, green and red,
Trimméd caps, white-puffed, atop their heads.
Befell then, in that season, on a day
In Logan airport, I, my flight delayed,
Waiting to hop a jet to distant Maine
And family, my head bumping with pain,
There came a congregation to my gate
Some nine and twenty - flightless now and late -
Sundry persons both Chance and snow delayed,
In fellowship, the trav'lers way was made
And so, the seats around me, bare, they took,
Body filling chair and bag tucked in nook,
Settled, then, they eased and found some rest
As slowly fell the sun into the west,
I spoke to each one, slowly making rounds,
Evening fell and we were all new friends found,
A pact we made, that we would guard the gate
To share together Logan's twist of fate.
Of this I shall tell you, for I have time
But 'fore we get to that allow me shine
Some light upon these travelers, met well,
Their dress, their souls, their characters, I'll tell
Of all of these, as they appeared to me,
Of who they were, and who they claimed to be,
And even how arranged they were in rows,
Please let me start and bring this prologue close.
-
I need*:
A Knight
A Squier
A Yeoman
A Prioress
A Nun
A Three Priests
A Monk
A Friar
A Merchant
A Clerk
A Lawyer
A Franklin
A Haberdasher, a Carpenter, a Weaver, a Dyer, a Arras-Maker
A Cook
A Sailor
A Physician
The Wife of Bath
A Parson
A Plowman
A Miller
A Manciple
A Reeve
A Summoner
A Pardoner
*Occupations may updated to reflect the modern world. Deal.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:57:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa Voltage drops in to pay a visit to the little boys and girls.
HERE'S A +2 LITTLE ONES! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! HO HO HO!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
the revolution of stupid has begun!
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 23:58:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you a poet or something?
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHos up for vegas then? http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess someone didn't like my version of Putting Women on a Pedestal too much.
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:46:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chaucer...rhymes with saucer...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-12-28 23:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great God, this is genius!
I'd like to be the pardoner, as his was the original tale I most enjoyed in the book.
Whan in Aprille, with spring showers soote
The droughte of march has pierced to roote
Then people goeth on pilgrimages...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:46:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, i know, but i'm female. i must take all negative, or even positive, comments the wrong way, then turn them around on you. you'll eventually get confused, apologize for something you never did, and all will be right with the world.
or so goes my evil plan.
____________________________________________________________-
Your dastardly plan shall be thwarted at every point.
By the way, Sigmund Fraud was one.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The nonsense continues in Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81638
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. I read the article and did a little snooping around before I wrote this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77945
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 16:38:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok i remember the whole he's gay thing from like two weeks ago when it was announced on some crappy msn homepage or something at work. you must actually be a trekkie.
are you?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 16:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sulu was from San Francisco. What do you expect?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 16:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
which is odd since he's ghey.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 16:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There aren't any Asians either, but you don't see George Takei crying about it.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
we could cross it with othello and see what happens.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait. There aren't any coloreds in this story, are there?!
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:10:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DING DING DING DING, WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP, We got a winner here for most Whipped, right over here ladies and gentleman, look at the whipped man in tent number 3!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you know who you are.
I'm not a big fan of Uncle Sigmund either. I always said I was superego, then I took my first middle school psych class and realized that it didn't mean jackass.
I have a lot more to say about this review of yours, but I have some work...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:47:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no like really. i'm that simple. as far as liking method for the proposal, i like him cuz he's a smartass. also plain and simple. it's very bad but i know i like cocky, wise asses. if he's not really one that's ok. at least i'll never claim to be after anyone for their sensitivity, if i wanted that i'd get a girlfriend. but those are complicated and expensive and don't put out as much as men.
as far as i can tell i'm the same person regardless of the situation. that's either really good because it means i stay true and you can count on me, or really bad because i'll make the same mistakes a million times and can't adapt to anything. i am actually crass, and i speak/rant/write like this no matter who's going to see/hear/feel it. that's honest vs stubborn. i don't think i'm schizophrenic, but i could be, it would depend on the individual assessing me and what they consider a hallucination or not.
probably am nuts though. go fig, girl=nuts? who knew? on a side note i hate freud, and i think shlongy would be id.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:56:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Play to his simplistic fantasies and throw in just enough abuse." i'm that simple.
--------------
Really? In real life or Uber life?
Does that mean Method gets praise for life because he proposed to you on Uber? I asked you to come live with me, I better get the same deal he does...
I find you to be more and more an interesting person, at least as much as can be determined through what you post here. My decision is final. I like you.
Oh yeah, I'm not in any way belittling simplicity's charms. The afternoon quickie, wham bam thank you ma'am thing has it's own special appeal. This is like a safe place for people to live out their hidden crass side or to let loose the lyrical side of themselves that nobody in their personal world will appreciate. We can all be as one sided or as schizophrenically bouncing crazy as we feel we need to be. I choose to post solid fucking gold every time, that's just me...
I guess I was speaking more about the ego stroking aspect of the interplay between the two of them. She very quickly figured out how to play to him. More power to her for it. The interchanges that have been spawned because of it are funny as hell.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:38:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:33:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Woohoo! I'm the summoner.
=============
You summon all of the uberwenches to your cock, of course! You silly twit.
The prioress gets first dibs.
-------
Good! Consider yourself summoned.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Play to his simplistic fantasies and throw in just enough abuse." i'm that simple.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:49:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
ya know... i'm that simple.
----
Huh? I must be simple because this review requires explanation for me to understand it.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ya know... i'm that simple.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:41:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:29:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
i meant your wife... but i mean if you inferred that well, you'd know more about your hormones than i would. hopefully. don't most men get googly eyed at the idea of women talking about their nether regions?
----------------
I see. A mere moment of confusion on my part, thinking perhaps you were making some sort of pussy whipped reference or calling me a womanly fellow... I have to get all puffy in my chest and make grunty noises so you'd know that I'm a man among boys blah blah macho grunt grunt snort
Talk is cheap. In your business you know that the plots and stories and captions are just the filler. Your customers could give a shit. American businessman in Japan still buy the local porn available becasue they aren't reading a damn thing in the magazines.
She has him enthralled because she has him pegged. Talk about what a good boy he is and how fucking his brains out was great....simple stupid shit. Play to his simplistic fantasies and throw in just enough abuse.
No offense to Shlong, he makes me laugh my ass off on a daily basis, but he's easy for the ladies here to play because his Uber persona is pretty one dimensional in relation to the ladies.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:38:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:33:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Woohoo! I'm the summoner.
=============
You summon all of the uberwenches to your cock, of course! You silly twit.
The prioress gets first dibs.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:33:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woohoo! I'm the summoner.
Now, what do I do?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i meant your wife... but i mean if you inferred that well, you'd know more about your hormones than i would. hopefully. don't most men get googly eyed at the idea of women talking about their nether regions?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:58:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
who shall be my mentor?
-----------
She can: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=23615 , she seems to have Shlongy completely enthralled just by talking about her genitals in relation to his on an intarweb forum.
Wait...were you saying I had an estrogen overload? I'm the manliest man that I know.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Winner gets to teach you the ins and outs of lording the cooze over someone's head.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:03:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:58:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
i must learn more vagina-controlled cruelty techniques. who shall be my mentor?
---
Good idea for a new Uber competition: "But Whom Is More Pussy Whipped, and Why?"
Men can vie for Most Whipped, and women can compete for Most Vaginally Capable.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i'm not sure either. estrogen overload? i've mostly failed at manipulating men in any way. actually i fail pretty well at manipulating anyone. i must learn more vagina-controlled cruelty techniques. who shall be my mentor?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell, I've apologized to my wife for getting yelled at by her. I'm not sure how that whole thing worked out...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:47:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not just your plan.
It's the plan of any cruel beast of breast and batted eye that carries a vagina 'tween her legs.
And oh, how it works...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, i know, but i'm female. i must take all negative, or even positive, comments the wrong way, then turn them around on you. you'll eventually get confused, apologize for something you never did, and all will be right with the world.
or so goes my evil plan.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I WANT TO BE THE GHEY BEAST OF BURDEN
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:09:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
bubba hates me!!! eh...
so when do i get to put on the habit?
_____________________________________________
Excuse me, Onion_W/_Tuna, no one ever said I hated you.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bubba hates me!!! eh...
so when do i get to put on the habit?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 00:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm...that's the first time I've heard a woman say that.
Notice how all the male roles are filled? That's because guys come right when they're supposed to.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-12-28 00:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dammit! I came too late!
I wanna play too!!
Orgamso, you rock, I can't wait to read these.
<sob>
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I camwhored I be as bad as ... lol
Yeah not gonna happen, the hubby would have to gouge your eyes out.
It's ok .. I'll just take my ball and go home then. I don't mind playing alone. :P
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm...needs more camwhore, Blinkish.
You'll get yourself an honorable mention somewhere.
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lets clairify that one ... In a standing position, I can bend right over and touch my head/mouth to my feet. It hurts! But it's worth it
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I can lick my toes.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 22:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd take her up on it, Bub.
I'd like to be able to proclaim that not only does poetry indeed have a place on Uber, but that it leads to pleasurable buttsex between users.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 21:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry. It's really difficult to tell the men from
the women around here, even with camwhores. Coulda
been a picture of yer sister.
My Faux Pax.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-27 21:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:40:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
My fun in this debacle will be reading all the cool shit.
If Sacrilicious really wants to be included I will step down and
you can make him the Miller. I really don't mind.
---
I'm feeling so much Uberlove!
Thanks, Bubba. I'll wait for a good female role another time. But for the offer, I'd let you do me-
in the pooper.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:40:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:08:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-27 19:21:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:33:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Will thou summon me to the convent? er..can I be the nun? I've been meaning to get around to some repentin' anyway.
-------
I never get chosen for anything! Everbody hates me! *cries emo tears*
---
Son of a...
Sorry about that. Really. I totally didn't catch this before assigning the Nun.
I'll simply have to make sure that the Nun is quite 'sacrilicious' now won't I?
_________________________________________________________________________
My fun in this debacle will be reading all the cool shit.
If Sacrilicious really wants to be included I will step down and
you can make him the Miller. I really don't mind.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, I understand..I will petition again next time.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-27 19:21:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:33:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Will thou summon me to the convent? er..can I be the nun? I've been meaning to get around to some repentin' anyway.
-------
I never get chosen for anything! Everbody hates me! *cries emo tears*
---
Son of a...
Sorry about that. Really. I totally didn't catch this before assigning the Nun.
I'll simply have to make sure that the Nun is quite 'sacrilicious' now won't I?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-27 19:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:33:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Will thou summon me to the convent? er..can I be the nun? I've been meaning to get around to some repentin' anyway.
-------
I never get chosen for anything! Everbody hates me! *cries emo tears*
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-27 18:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:46:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, I'm just going to bring this to a close and assign the last few roles. Why? Because I can. And because it was almost done and I'm impatient. But mostly because I can.
...Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
____________________________
Even though Shlongy's reformed quite a bit and isn't nearly as evil as before, I had to laugh.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:17:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Inion, that's not sad at all. It may be a collector's item.
---
This is true. It's a badass piece to have in your collection, really.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:58:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
just a question... is it sad that i actually have a 100 yr old copy of the canterbury tales written in ye olde english and the understandable victorian translation?
___________________________________________________________________________-
Inion, that's not sad at all. It may be a collector's item.
I also have a few books over 100 years old as well; Kipling,
Twain, and my pride and joy, Frankenstein.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:28:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be the Town Gynocologist, ok?
__________________________________________
Ah yes, a spreader of old wive's tails...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:58:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
just a question... is it sad that i actually have a 100 yr old copy of the canterbury tales written in ye olde english and the understandable victorian translation?
---
Only if it's sad that I have a 10lb. hardbound Riverside collection of Chaucer in my living room.
Which it probably is, considering that it's tucked right next to the Riverside Milton.
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:54:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
If there is any position left, I want in! Please? I'm flexible!
---
Just how flexible are we talking here?
I'm listening...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just a question... is it sad that i actually have a 100 yr old copy of the canterbury tales written in ye olde english and the understandable victorian translation?
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:54:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If there is any position left, I want in! Please? I'm flexible!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, I'm just going to bring this to a close and assign the last few roles. Why? Because I can. And because it was almost done and I'm impatient. But mostly because I can.
Monk - electrotoothsyndrome
Knight - Method
Cook - Dead_0hio_Sky
Priest - spedmonkey
Friar - badassmofo
Clerk - simple_catalyst
Physician - interchange
Yeoman - a_reader
Plowman - scourge
Sailor - LadyPlural
Lawyer - thorpe
Haberdasher - MrSparkle847
Merchant - Bob_Dole
Wife of Bath - ghola
Squire - CaptainThorns
Pardoner - Beer_bong
Reeve - maiorano84
Miller - Bubba2341
Summoner - Sphagnum
Manciple - loki
Prioress - MistressFist
Nun - inion_de_trua
Franklin - ahumblefool
Parson - TigerLilly
Three Priests - Jack_McCallum, Caulaincort, and Xcuses
Dyer - Professional_Peon
Carpenter - Berty
Weaver - nitty
Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a good lad. I was pegging you for the Franklin as is.
Consider it doneth.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A shall be a Franklin, if thou hast not filleth the position post haste.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wife of Bath was always my fave Chaucerian character. You're very talented.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Goodness...
Monk - electrotoothsyndrome
Knight - Method
Cook - Dead_0hio_Sky
Priest - spedmonkey
Friar - badassmofo
Clerk - simple_catalyst
Physician - interchange
Yeoman - a_reader
Plowman - scourge
Sailor - LadyPlural
Lawyer - Thorpe
Haberdasher - MrSparkle847
Merchant - Bob_Dole
Wife of Bath - ghola
Squire - CaptainThorns
Pardoner - Beer_bong
Reeve - maiorano84
Miller - Bubba2341
Summoner - Sphagnum
Manciple - loki
Prioress - MistressFist
Nun - inion_de_trua
Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
The Toaster Leavins...
These can be taken by anyone, male or female (or otherwise):
A Franklin
Three Priests
A Carpenter, a Weaver, a Dyer
A Parson
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna play
can I play
If you don't let me play I'm telling MOOOOOOM
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be the Town Gynocologist, ok?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ha yeah that means you'd be my mistress mistress. well if i'm the nun anyway. see what did i say, most pussy EVAR.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be whatever the fuck a prioress is. Does it have to do with Richard Pryor? :-)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-27 12:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I should be Absolom, but I get to pick the
lady's ass I kiss through the window.
Loki... 9th grade? RIGHT!!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 10:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fine i'll be the nun, everyone knows they get the most pussy anyway.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-27 10:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is anyone else having wicked flashbacks to 9th grade?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 10:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Goodness...
Monk - electrotoothsyndrome
Knight - Method
Cook - Dead_0hio_Sky
Priest - spedmonkey
Friar - badassmofo
Clerk - simple_catalyst
Physician - interchange
Yeoman - a_reader
Plowman - scourge
Sailor - LadyPlural
Lawyer - Thorpe
Haberdasher - MrSparkle847
Merchant - Bob_Dole
Wife of Bath - ghola
Squire - CaptainThorns
Pardoner - Beer_bong
Reeve - maiorano84
Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
The Toaster Leavins...
These two definitely need women - or very pretty men - to fill them:
A Prioress
A Nun
These can be taken by anyone, male or female (or otherwise):
A Franklin
Three Priests
A Carpenter, a Weaver, a Dyer
A Parson
A Miller
A Manciple
A Summoner
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 00:16:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I WANNA BE THE WIFE OF BATH!!!!!!
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-12-26 12:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not reading all the reviews, but I'd like to be the summoner. Or all three priests. Or the pardoner.
Pardon me, excuse me, pardon me. I beg your pardon. Pardon me.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-26 09:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A squire I be, then.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-26 00:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MY HEAD IS QUITE PROPORTIONATE TO MY....HOW DID ONE PERSON ON HERE SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT.....MY "MORBIDLY OBESE" BODY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-12-26 00:20:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a jackoff.... I mean........ a Jack of all trades. Yeah.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-26 00:18:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How else do you explain your head size, then?
There can't just be one personality living in there.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-26 00:11:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"A method with his altars had he, quite" or something to that effect)."
Oh fuck off you sanctimonious pricks, I don't have any alters
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-12-25 23:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i honestly hope that im wrong this time.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-25 23:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Goodness...
Monk - electrotoothsyndrome
Knight - Method
Cook - Dead_0hio_Sky
Priest - spedmonkey
Friar - badassmofo
Clerk - simple_catalyst
Physician - interchange
Yeoman - a_reader
Plowman - scourge
Sailor - LadyPlural
Lawyer - Thorpe
Haberdasher - MrSparkle847
Merchant - Bob_Dole
Wife of Bath - ghola
Squire - CaptainThorns
Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
The Toaster Leavins...
These two definitely need women - or very pretty men - to fill them:
A Prioress
A Nun
These can be taken by anyone, male or female (or otherwise):
Three Priests
A Franklin
a Carpenter, a Weaver, a Dyer
A Parson
A Miller
A Manciple
A Reeve
A Summoner
A Pardoner
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-25 10:33:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
So where is this epic pilgrimage to? Bart-Bart's house?
---
Not sure yet, really. Basically what I had in mind was just 'assigning' users to the characters, and coming up with stories that they could all share and tell each other while they're holed up in the airport. More on that to come.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-12-25 07:41:27 (#)
Ranking: -1
no offence, but like EVERY other uber themed story idea, this will peter out after no more than three or four installments.
if youve got a story, just tell it. awkwardly packing our geeky and gay screennames and our frankly unfunny in-jokes into the story will not garner any more interest, as the only people who will read and/or rate will be the same people who would have anyway, and doing so will jsut detract from what youre doing anyway and ultimately weaken the story; making it less readable.
---
Agreed, to a point. All I intend on doing with these character assignments are use them in the extended prologue - when every character gets described and introduced - and even then, anything that has to do with the user will be slipped in sideways or peripherally ("A method with his altars had he, quite" or something to that effect). From that point on, the tales themselves will have little or nothing to do with Ubersite or the particular character that's telling it. There won't be "The Adventures of Ha Ha the Rabbit" or "The Minus Two Die Curse." Sure, some of the things that come up here will be incorporated, but not blatantly so. If people want those things, they'll have to read closely to pick up on them.
Besides, as I said up above, this is something to keep me occupied when I'm not really feeling like doing something completely original. I'm not promising to have a new submission every two days or anything. Hell, I'll be happy if I can do the complete Prologue and get through The Knight's Tale.
Don't agree with it? That's cool, man, and thanks for voicing your opinion.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-25 19:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooh ooh, I'm Catholic, let me be a monk
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-25 18:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:25:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, can I be a knight? That would rule and stuff
Y HALO THAR YUNG DAMSEL, PRITHEE BUTTSECKS FORSOOTH?
-----------------------
you asked for a physician, a lawyer and a merchant. I'm a jew, so, i can handle any/all of those by default. Y HALO THAR MONEYZ.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2005-12-25 16:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did anybody get dibs on Jewish lawyer yet? Because I'd be perfect for that part...
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-25 10:33:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
About time someone took on Chaucer. I'll be your haberdasher - apparently, "haberdasher" was their crazy-ass spelling of "hatter" back then. I would be well suited for this, because I'm mad as a hatter, and I didn't even need mercury-based glue to get that way!
So where is this epic pilgrimage to? Bart-Bart's house?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-12-25 07:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'three or four' - i actually meant 'one or two'.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-12-25 07:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
no offence, but like EVERY other uber themed story idea, this will peter out after no more than three or four installments.
i think its time we all just came to our senses and buried this idea in an unmarked grave in the dead of the night, silently, and put the horror behind us for good.
if youve got a story, just tell it. awkwardly packing our geeky and gay screennames and our frankly unfunny in-jokes into the story will not garner any more interest, as the only people who will read and/or rate will be the same people who would have anyway, and doing so will jsut detract from what youre doing anyway and ultimately weaken the story; making it less readable.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-12-24 23:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God yes! I was actually thinking about something along the lines of Canterbury Tales the other day. You'll do a much better job, I'm sure.
Oh, and feel free to cast me as any of the remaining roles.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-24 15:19:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:33:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Monkey, there's a difference between yearning to be plowed by a man, and to be a plowman.
I'm just saying.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-12-24 00:31:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I yearn to be a plowman
------
And with that being said, I'M the Plowman. If Coyote had you pegged in the first piece--*--looks for Uber picture of munkey, AH ha, nice!--*-- I'll be happy to...never mind, I'm not good at interweb debauchery.
Carry on.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Peon - That's up to me. Women with 3-5 breasts may be too freakish to win, place or show. OR...they appeal to me.
We'll just have to wait and find out. How bad DO you want to be in this?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:33:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will thou summon me to the convent? er..can I be the nun? I've been meaning to get around to some repentin' anyway.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good post. how much ham can a ham chuck chuck if a ham chuck could chuck ham?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wooooo go sailors and their filthy filthy language!
I've been told by several people that I curse like a sailor. One of those people used to be in the Navy, so I feel reasonably confident that my vocabulary is up to par.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Monkey, there's a difference between yearning to be plowed by a man, and to be a plowman.
I'm just saying.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not going near this, because all I remember of the Canterbury tales is someone getting a red hot poker up the bum, but I don't remember which character.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-12-24 00:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I yearn to be a plowman
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-24 00:05:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will this titty competition be based off of quality or quantity?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 23:36:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Monk - electrotoothsyndrome
Knight - Method
Cook - Dead_0hio_Sky
Priest - spedmonkey
Friar - badassmofo
Clerk - simple_catalyst
Physician - interchange
Yeoman - a_reader
Plowman - scourge
Sailor - LadyPlural
Lawyer - Thorpe
Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
Wife of Bath - ghola/Pentameter*
* disputed female roles will be determined by a NSFW camwhore competition, whereby the combatants must flaunt their funbags for my amusement until my engorged whopstick points to a name, thereby declaring a winner**
** likely ghola, but I want to drag this out in case this leads to some floppin' titties on the front page...keep signing up for the Wife of Bath, ladies
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 19:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fungul! I a-canna believe-a I put-a 'A three priests-a!'
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-23 19:17:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-23 19:13:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with this. I can't bear Chaucer.
____________________________________________________
If you read it in Modern English it is cool.
Middle English? Better have a guidebook for the
archaic words.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-23 19:13:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with this. I can't bear Chaucer.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-23 19:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:59:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Clerk.
---------------
DAMN YOU!
*sigh*
Lawyer...
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-23 19:06:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or are you italian?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-23 19:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"A Three Priests"?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-23 18:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be whatever is left over.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 18:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She's 25 and young in the ways of American culture, scourge. Help yourself.
Just don't touch my dinner.
You're still the Plowman.
Merry Christmas to you, too.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 17:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BUMSTAIN? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU TO HELL BUDDY!
I'll show you bumstain....you sassy little bastard. I'm going to fuck your stepmom and eat your dinner, you sonofabitch....
Merry Christmas Orgasmatron.
Can I still be the Plowman?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 17:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you pretty much rock at life.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 17:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's nothing wrong with finding 15 year old boys sexy.
Or 15 year-old boys sexy, for that matter.
What?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 17:03:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:41:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha...
well it sort of ranged from-
i thought you were a boy-
to you're hot-
to will you spin around on my penis-
to you look like a 15 year old boy.
It amused me.
Yeah, where is my stalker as of late..?
------
I believe a woman actually wanted to spin you around a penis, I'm just not sure whose she meant.
I will claim no responsibility for that comment.
I haven't seen old stalky McStalkington here today. Since I'm sitting here typing this I guess I'm filling in for him. My wife will be so happy to know that I'm stalking college girls on the internet.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She can be my damsel in distress or something.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shouldn't TL be the Prioress or Nun?
So innocent, she.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sailor - Lady Plural
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:26:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:20:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Since scourge took the yeoman (kinda), I'll be the Carpenter.... or the knight.... or the miller.
Scratch that. I don't want to be the fucking miller. Carpenter/Knight for me.
---
No no no. I'm the Plowman, you can be the Yeoman.
---
I figured that since you pulled Plowman from Yeoman, it was already taken. Since this isn't the case, I may dance around my apartment shouting like a little girl in celebration.
GO YEOMAN WOO!!!!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:36:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
ghola, how much encouragement do you need? On that little TMI thingy there were a whole mess of people offering to violate you in horrifying ways. The unemployed man who made that 15 y/o boy comment was among their ranks. You even gained a stalker out of the whole disturbing ordeal.
Fishing for compliments.....
pfffft
----------------------
haha...
well it sort of ranged from-
i thought you were a boy-
to you're hot-
to will you spin around on my penis-
to you look like a 15 year old boy.
It amused me.
Yeah, where is my stalker as of late..?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<ducks as impending shitstorm descends upon his head>
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whos gonna be the fuckin pirate? Someone's gotta be a pirate! I vote Tigerlilly! <snicker>
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ghola, how much encouragement do you need? On that little TMI thingy there were a whole mess of people offering to violate you in horrifying ways. The unemployed man who made that 15 y/o boy comment was among their ranks. You even gained a stalker out of the whole disturbing ordeal.
Fishing for compliments.....
pfffft
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOOOO!
ETS will be the first EMOnk ever
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:13:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey!
You forgot the Plowman. ME.
Are you excluding me on purpose? Am I not cool enough for your little party? I'm crying now. Are you happy you insensitive, thoughtless poet monkey. Cruel bastard.
--
Skate it off, bumstain.
I'm drinking at work, and can't be expected to be as sharp as I should be.
See below.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:14:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna lose that one.
Apparently I look like a 15 year old boy.
---
I'd stay away from Method if I were you.
Ok, so currently --
Monk - electrotoothsyndrome
Knight - Method
Cook - Dead_0hio_Sky
Priest - spedmonkey
Friar - badassmofo
Clerk - simple_catalyst
Physician - interchange
Yeoman - a_reader
Plowman - scourge
Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
Wife of Bath - ghola/littlefluffyclouds/Pentameter*
* disputed female roles will be determined by a NSFW camwhore competition, whereby the combatants must flaunt their funbags for my amusement until my engorged whopstick points to a name, thereby declaring a winner**
** likely ghola, but I want to drag this out in case this leads to some floppin' titties on the front page...keep signing up for the Wife of Bath, ladies
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:20:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Since scourge took the yeoman (kinda), I'll be the Carpenter.... or the knight.... or the miller.
Scratch that. I don't want to be the fucking miller. Carpenter/Knight for me.
---
No no no. I'm the Plowman, you can be the Yeoman.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Since scourge took the yeoman (kinda), I'll be the Carpenter.... or the knight.... or the miller.
Scratch that. I don't want to be the fucking miller. Carpenter/Knight for me.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can be the cook if Orgasmo makes me the knight!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:15:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, method's the cook?
well shit, me and him will wrestle for it.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:14:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im the cook.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wife of Bath - ghola/littlefluffyclouds/Pentameter*
* disputed female roles will be determined by a NSFW camwhore competition, whereby the combatants must flaunt their funbags for my amusement until my engorged whopstick points to a name, thereby declaring a winner
--------------
I'm gonna lose that one.
Apparently I look like a 15 year old boy.
I called dibs first though.
That's gotta count for something.
Either way I think this will be an interesting series.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey!
You forgot the Plowman. ME.
Are you excluding me on purpose? Am I not cool enough for your little party? I'm crying now. Are you happy you insensitive, thoughtless poet monkey. Cruel bastard.
For this obviously intentional snub I leave you with shameless, NSFW, and completely irrelevant linkwhoring:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81470
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 16:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<tantrum> BUT I WANNA BE A KNIGHT! </tantrum>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:55:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey! I'm a Douche!
Another role, custom-tailored for Shlongy.
Wait until you hear my speech from the Oscar podium. I name NAMES, baby.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dibs on the sailor.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:26:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and it's "squire". Squier is a guitar brand.
--
Oh damnit, you're right.
Stupid fingers.
Ok, so currently --
Monk - electrotoothsyndrome
Cook - Method
Priest - spedmonkey
Friar - badassmofo
Clerk - simple_catalyst
Physician - interchange
Douchemonger (formerly the Arras-Maker) - Shlongy
Wife of Bath - ghola/littlefluffyclouds/Pentameter*
* disputed female roles will be determined by a NSFW camwhore competition, whereby the combatants must flaunt their funbags for my amusement until my engorged whopstick points to a name, thereby declaring a winner
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would be a Sailor, but I'm afraid I don't drink or swear enough.
I'll take physician. Gynecologist if you want a specialty.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me get this right, if I'm the friar I'm in charge of the beer right?
Yes I am down with that
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:38:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See? I told yall that Uber was like the Canterbury tales. "And that's how, in spite of all his jealousy and precaution, the carpenter's wife was screwed; how Absolon kissed her bottom eye, and Fly Nicholas got his bum scorched. This story's finished, and God save us all!" That almost sounds like a a common post title, does it not?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:28:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey...it's not my fault. Blame badassmofo for enouraging my immature, yet, hysterically funny behavior.
--------
Ok, that was funny.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:12:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
"A Haberdasher"
Does this role need to be a guy?
--
Nope. Most of these are pretty much up in the air, despite the fact they were mostly men in the original.
Just call for one of the names up above. I'll determine their modern equivalent, or an appropriate substitue, when the time's right.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey...it's not my fault. Blame badassmofo for enouraging my immature, yet, hysterically funny behavior.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:57:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Really??? Maybe if I turn the rating up a notch, eh?
--
Oh, dear...that's as far as you can go.
Your wad is spent and truly blown.
You can be the Doucher if you like.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:12:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:05:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I debated writing this in Middle English, but figured it'd isolate waaaaay too many people.
===
Bah, do it! I'd be all over it like a soup sandwich.
This has been sitting idle in my bookmarks for an age - at some point I will get round to reading it:
http://www.babasword.com/writing/rapcantales.html
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-23 15:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:33:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dude, don't fuck with Chaucer. He's the only part of my english degree I actually enjoyed.
--
He's up there in my book, too - part of why I thought of this.
I debated writing this in Middle English, but figured it'd isolate waaaaay too many people.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Clerk.
banga idea man.
fucking rockitlikeamasochist.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Really??? Maybe if I turn the rating up a notch, eh?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:56:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its ok Shlongy, no one is listening to you anyway
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I call "Lack o' Interest"!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call friar bitches
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call The Wife of Bath.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:26:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be a priest. I mean, I already molest little boys...
Oh, and it's "squire". Squier is a guitar brand.
-----
The squire is the one who will be getting the BUttsecks from Sir Method if he's the Knight. I nominate apollo.
Squier is shitty knockoff mexican Fenders. Don't ever buy one. Spend the extra grand, you'll be happy you did.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:33:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dude, don't fuck with Chaucer. He's the only part of my english degree I actually enjoyed.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be a priest. I mean, I already molest little boys...
Oh, and it's "squire". Squier is a guitar brand.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, can I be a knight? That would rule and stuff
Y HALO THAR YUNG DAMSEL, PRITHEE BUTTSECKS FORSOOTH?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean cook
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to be the cock
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call monk.
Does this mean I get to learn all those cool monophonic chants?
Submitted by littlefluffyclouds (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMMIT THAT'S ALREADY TAKEN I'LL BE THE FRANKLIN
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"A Haberdasher"
Does this role need to be a guy?
Submitted by littlefluffyclouds (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH OH I'M THE WIFE OF BATH
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Who do I want to be? Yeoman? No no no...
Plowman!!! That fits on a few different levels...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-23 14:06:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wife of bath.
that'd be cool.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-23 13:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call Butcher!