A Nice Warm Hole (879 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.37 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <prettylady_1979.at.adelphia.net> (View user info) at 2005-12-24 01:46:33 EST
Let me set the scene for you.
Where: Maine, my kitchen
When: December
Why: I have no fucking idea
How: see "Why"
Temperature: 22 degrees farenheit
Well I really don't know if you have ladybugs wherever you are, but here in Maine in March (remember I said March) we get bombarded with thousands of ladybugs. It normally happens during the first few "thaw" days we have. You see ladybugs hibernate. They decide to go to sleep when the temp. is below 55 for a few days in a row. I actually did that much research.
I am in the kitchen minding my own business and yelling at my son for the 12th time that evening to do his spelling homework and stop using my daughter's Barbie doll as a target for praticing the art of flinging paperclips with an elastic band.
It sounded something like this.....If you don't get up here at the table and start spelling right now I wil.aaaaaahhhhhhh! (slapping at side of head like an idiot) aahhhh!WhatthehellahHHHaah!What the (slap slap slap) ahhhhh!
The following is a recreation of what my family heard. "Something buzzed, hard fast, in, in. I dunno what but it's in there, really in there. Oh my god i saw something like this on the Discovery Channel. It's gonna lay eggs in my brain! What am I gonna do? You gotta get me to the Emergency Room! AHHHHHHHHHH!
I tilt my head and slap at it. I shake my head, I pour a bit of warm olive oil in my ear. The fucker is still in there. The worst part is, I don't know what IT is.
Finally about 2 hours later I can still feel it in there. It's not really moving or buzzing anymore, but I definetly know when something foreign is in my ear. I convince my husband that I am not insane and he drives me to the Emergency Room.
After looking in my ear with the light the doctor says something no one wants to hear a doctor say. "Well isn't that odd, I wonder what he is doing in there.". WHAT THE FUCK? He leaves the room without another word and comes back with a syringe. I think "O god he's gonna put that in my ear?"
I really had to know what was going on and WHO was in my ear. He tells me that I have what looks to be a ladybug in my ear and it is in too far for him to get it out without causing me pain so he is going to try to pressure squirt the bastard out. All the while I am wondering "Where the hell did the ladybug come from?"
It took 2 hours for a doctor and 2 nurses to get the damn thing out. They decided I should see it after. IT WAS STILL ALIVE! the worst part of it all is that it was missing a leg. The doctor says that the leg should not do any damage to my ear and I should get one of those baby-booger-sucker things and pressure wash the inside of my ear whenever I shower.
I don't know if I got the leg out yet or not but I have since been to the doctor for a antibiotic because I forced too much water into my ear trying to get it out and gave myself an ear infection.
Don't trust the little fuckers. They might look sweet and innocent when they fly up and land on you, but they are only interested in one thing, much like men. A nice warm hole.
User Reviews
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i barfed in a pussy once. everywqhere.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They are only interested in one thing, much like men. A nice warm hole.
___________________________
I was hoping that you would somehow involve the lust of men.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:40:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
The execution of the story wasn't great, but the content saved it.
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I agree with LadyPlural, but I'm not as enthusiasric. And it's true: ladybugs portent good tidings. Even in your ear.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:40:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The execution of the story wasn't great, but the content saved it.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-24 08:08:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a nice warm hole. that's rich.
oh and ladybugs are good luck. be on the lookout. something good is coming your way.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
generally I would call for more skullfucking, but the ladybug pulled that off just perfectly.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
With a title like that, I was expecting goatse.
+1 for no goatse.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-24 02:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i would have shot it for free
Submitted by coocoocachoo (user info) at 2005-12-24 02:03:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I Hate Johnny Damon