I'm Getting Fat. (2380 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.94 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JTC (View user info) at 2005-12-24 03:25:13 EST
It's time to face it. I'm getting fat. I'm gaining weight. I'm putting on the pounds. Accumulating an ass? I can't say its the Freshman fifteen, but this college bullshit is really doing it to me. When I went into college, I was around 175 to 180 lbs, fresh off a summer of swimming and construction sites. Oh no, a fatty by no stretch of the word. I said to myself, "I will continue to work out. I will lift every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I will swim for at least a half hour every time I am on duty in the pool." Ah, the best laid plans...
They say that college is supposed to make you more independent, more responsible. Perhaps, maybe, sure. I've stayed well within my budgeted figures despite hundreds of dollars worth of expenditures on DnD items, I've never opened the cabinet to say "Fuck, there's no food!" and I've only had to eatn Ramen when I felt damn ready to. But a few weeks into school and I just quit working out. That was a long five minute walk down to the activity center! Why, I'd been walking around campus all day, I certainly didn't have the energy to walk somewhere to work out. Sure, fatass, keep telling yourself that. When your penis disappears beneath the bulge of your overgrown and out of control paunch, tell yourself that. When your legs turn into sausages and your fat calves fall over your feet, why don't you make up some more excuses?
On one of my rare trips down to the weight room to pump a little iron, I weighed myself afterwards. After I'd just sweated out quarts, after I'd kept from eating for hours to avoid getting sick, I weighed in at 181. I was appalled. Few times in my life have I exceeded 180lbs, and those were generally times during which I was doing a lot of heavy lifting, times during which it was GOOD to weigh a lot! To lose that pound I skipped a few meals. It was easily done, and the pound dissapeared quickly. I vowed to restart the workouts. But predictably, in the face of studies and leveling up, I failed.
Somethings happening. I'm getting old. At 18, I'm getting old. My metabolism is slowing, my hair isn't coming back, my sex drive is gone. Everything I so enjoyed in my youth is trickling away, including Transformers G1 and G2. Now, home for break, I'm a veritable blimp. Why work out, I say, its too late, you'll just embarass yourself. Now I know how real fatasses feel. I now admire the giant that comes in every day, without fail, to waddle around the squash court four hours on end, trying in vain to see his feet again. I envy the lady who looks like one of the bears out of a Dr. Seuss book who comes into the pool every day and piddle paddles her way back and forth, back and forth, for entire two hour shifts, then slowly makes her way out to the wrong exit, because its closer to her car. And I loathe the blind woman who is completely unaware of anything, who has to be walked to the edge of the stairs lest she fall into the pool and die or something equally inconsiderate happen to her.
It's time to face it. I'm getting fat. In addition to studying next semester, and every semester beyond, I have to force in time for exercise. I have to lose this protrusion on my waist. I must regain those massive arms of yester year. I don't like this belly. I don't like it one bit. I hate it, even. It's time to hit the floor and pump out fourty if I can, though its been a few months. This is my vow, Uber, that the light of day shall never again see my grotesque, obese self.
(No picture, the camera is in Texas. TEEHEE!)
User Reviews
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-12-25 02:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
if you think that you can lose weight in the long run by skipping meals, you're an idiot.
if you play DnD, you're an idiot.
if you're fat, you're an idiot.
Submitted by littlefluffyclouds (user info) at 2005-12-24 23:42:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
phat phuck
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2005-12-24 22:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-24 21:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
despite hundreds of dollars worth of expenditures on DnD items
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This post heralded the completion of my quest for the legendary wand of "I Don't Fucking Care". I
You, on the otherhand, are a level-22 Whiney Cunt.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-12-24 21:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-4000 for tee hee
+4000 for christmas
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-12-24 21:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't bitch about things like this, it makes you look fat.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2005-12-24 14:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Deconstruction doesn't care.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:42:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:26:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
normally i really enjoy your posts.
I'm not sure what you were going for here.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Somethings happening. I'm getting old. At 18, I'm getting old. My metabolism is slowing, my hair isn't coming back, my sex drive is gone.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Old? If you think 18 is old you are not only fucked, you are delusional.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Freshman 15 never scared me, mainly because I never eat anyway.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"hundreds of dollars worth of expenditures on DnD items" = "my sex drive is gone"
That's your problem, right there. Get laid in THIS WORLD, magic elf boy. You'll like it, you'll find that college chicks like guys who are in shape, you'll do it for the snatch.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm getting old. At 18, I'm getting old. My metabolism is slowing, my hair isn't coming back, my sex drive is gone. Everything I so enjoyed in my youth is trickling away
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This. This right here, makes you sound like an idiot.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Not only are you fat, you sound like a lazy ass, too.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-24 09:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah. 181 is REALLY fat, if you're 5'2".
Losing your sex drive at 18. Tell me some
more lies.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-24 08:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
pitiful really
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-12-24 05:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah you are fat.... SO why are you sitting here puttin gthis shit up on Ubersite when you could be at the gym??? Fatty....
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:45:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry that was mean, what i meant to say was we dont care, and youre gay.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
do you paint your nails too fagboy?
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you're so fat when you turn around it's your birthday.
-2 fatty.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you really should kill yourself now.
it only gets worse.