Circe's Clueless Christmas Cooking: Half-Arsed Trifle for Relatives That Don't Appreciate You Anyway (1596 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:non-fiction
Rating: 1.96 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-12-24 03:42:02 EST
What's that you say? You've been invited to your mother's house for Christmas lunch? And you have to bring dessert? And every fucking relative who ever chewed their way through a plank of wood in search of nutrients is going to be there?
Fear not, for I am with thee. My half-arsed approach to everything has saved me on more than one occasion, and now - my dear, dear friends - let it save you. Or, alternatively, figure out how to add poison to this recipe.
Here is Half-Arsed Trifle.
User Reviews
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2006-01-03 23:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Insert "pimpin" b/t floppy and toque. Methinks my wine hath stolen my wit, not exactly grand larceny in this case.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2006-01-03 22:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So frighteningly organized, your pantry.
But where's the Cream of Wheat? The Cream of Wheat dude rules, with his floppy toque. ++
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That trifle is triflin'
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-27 11:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gross
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-27 10:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
While I I don't think trifle sounds all that yummy, I love the recipe. Will it work for anything I make?
Merry X-mas Circe.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-26 09:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You make your trifile a little different than me...but I think you had more fun making yours
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2005-12-26 01:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 AS always and I wish you and the Dutchman, the boy and the girls a belated but MERRY CHRISTMAS
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-24 18:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, crap.
I meant to +2 this with a "Merry Christmas" or something of the sort. Sorry.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-24 18:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-12-24 18:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas from a Melbournian in Adelaide. Gotta say, I love the Australian pantry... Ardmona canned fruits and Sakata... it's a wikkid combo.
Have a good one with your boozy trifle on this holiest of boozy days.
Submitted by miss_tila (user info) at 2005-12-24 17:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll take a glass of that sherry please.
(oops this is munkey)
Happy holidays sweetie!
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2005-12-24 14:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is everyone +2ing this it's not that great... Not even slightly great...
Then again who am I to break a +2 streak.
Suck on this Uber.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You couldn't pay me to eat that stuff. That's what it's for right? Eating?
Merry Christmas baby.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lucious lush.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas Circe.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:47:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just had lots and lots of sex.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:06:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I'm not eating all that!
Nice going with the rancid vegemite there, too.
You English/Aussie/Irish/Kiwi fuckers are weird. Blood pudding. Kidney pie. Triffle. Vegemite.
---
I know one NSW woman who'd be a very "unhappy little Vegemite" if she saw that last crack.
She's still pissed off Kraft Foods owns the company.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-12-24 12:18:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What would you like for Christmas, Dear? I'll probably be sending something to Saxon so another package to Aussieland will be no trouble at all.
BTW, if you can't get stinking drunk around ingrate family, then what the hell is Christmas for?!
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna hear how the Dutchman responds to trifle.
I'm gonna guess, with blank incomprehension and a dubious facial expression.
But, you didn't have to beg for the stuff, the package is already on the way.
Now I have to go resist the urge to drunkenly blurt out what the new electric
milk frother my mother bought kind of looks like, turn it on and giggle stupidly
while jabbing it in the general direction of my wife.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-24 11:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-24 09:46:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't mean to +2 myself just then. It's just that Thorpe made me laugh and usually when I'm laughing I +2 automatically.
I suck.
------------------------------------
Suuuuure. Consider a Christmas gift to yourself. ;)
Merry Christmas!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Trifle, Circe and all things Christmas.
..but that is nothing like my Mum's trifle. She soaks the sponge cakes in brandy, breaks them up with fruit and pours the hot jelly over it, lets that set, pours the custard over that so it forms two distinct layers that looks "fancy" in the glass bowl, then coat in cream and serve to already drunken relatives. Make sure children only get one piece.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Darling, this is beautiful. I shall make the trifle immediately, and then ceremoniously fling it at the neighbors' yard decorations because they're just tacky. Because, well, who the fuck actually *eats* trifle? It's like fruitcake.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, that's some seriously nasty looking gloop there. You must really loathe your family.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:17:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing beats a hot, wet pussy, steamed to perfection
and smothered in panties. Yum.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-24 10:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I'm not eating all that!
Nice going with the rancid vegemite there, too.
You English/Aussie/Irish/Kiwi fuckers are weird. Blood pudding. Kidney pie. Triffle. Vegemite.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-24 09:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't mean to +2 myself just then. It's just that Thorpe made me laugh and usually when I'm laughing I +2 automatically.
I suck.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-24 09:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack - I'll tell you why we eat trifle. The only reason is this: when you get pulled over and breath tested at 11 pm on christmas night and Mr Police Officer Drunk With Power says "Jesus, you're so pissed I'm amazed you're alive" you can say "Nah, I've been eating trifle all day. All the sherry, dude, I mean, whoa. So, yeah." And he is totally okay with that and will let you drive off.
No, really.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-24 09:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-24 06:51:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know these things would only take half the time if you stopped taking pictures at every step.
____________
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Damn, you're right.
Of course, then I'd have no fucking reason to do them at all.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-12-24 09:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is far too compex... Just go to M&S and pick up a cheese selection plate.
Steal all the nice crackers: Leave them with oatcakes.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-24 08:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...jesus jesus jesus...
I'm confused. I thought you were an Aussie.
I thought Aussies tossed all the bad England and kept only the good England a long time ago.
So why in the name of heaven do you make trifle?
My god...
I refuse to eat any food that squooches when you stick a spoon in it.
Great post, though.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-24 07:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
girl, you cook like me. (cig and spirits) some folks just don't understand that "relaxation phase" throughout culinary genious.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-24 07:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope willzone sees me giving this so much praise, especially after what I said about his last pile of shit post.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-24 06:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know these things would only take half the time if you stopped taking pictures at every step.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-24 06:02:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<charity>
+2
</charity>
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-24 06:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel like I have visited your house a dozen times.
I wanted to do a Christmas post but the one idea I had needs too much production and will barely be ready by New Year's.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-24 05:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm at my parent's house now. Luckily my sister and brother live there so they have Internet and that. They said I had to bring stuff so I bought it from Asda. I'm impressed with your cooking.
Submitted by teakettle (user info) at 2005-12-24 05:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's my kind of christmas.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-24 04:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In other news, I spend my entire family's christmas gift budget on a black whore who ripped me off.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-12-24 04:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a good recipe.
The sherry, I mean.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do it or I shall call you 'cunt'
repeatedly.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-24 03:51:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a fruitcake recipe shockingly similar to this
now go rate my plagiarsed post.