Dear Santa (847 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (View user info) at 2005-12-24 13:11:03 EST
Dear Santa,
Maybe I haven't been on my best behavior this year, but I haven't been a total asshole, so if you can find it in your cholesterol filled heart to hook a girl up, I promise to be an angel next year.
My list is short and sweet, awww...like me, please take the time to consider my requests, instead of just having your reindeer take a dump on my house as you fly on by.
..1-A decent job with adequate medical insurance, one that I find not only challenging and fullfilling, but one where I jump out of bed before the alarm goes off, do some toe touches, and scream " I GET TO GO TO WORK TODAY! HOT DAMN! YIPPY SKIPPY!" That'd be fabulous. Thanks.
..2-A MAN. One that not only loves to laugh, but loves to make me laugh even more. Someone who gives me butterflies when they smile. An animal lover would be a plus, as well as him having attractive hands. Someone that would not only listen to me babble on about whatever, but encourage it because it's me being me. Someone who'll play with my hair when I'm falling asleep and also pull it when needed.
In conclusion I hope you and the missus are doing well. I'll also be leaving out a glass of whole milk for you, you're Santa, you don't need 1%! Just one more question.....have you ever kicked an elf just because? Like really punted one? I'm curious.
Merry Christmas, don't work too hard....
Griff
User Reviews
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-24 21:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so uhhh
you wanna make out?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-24 19:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-12-24 17:06:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a hilarious pimp. You can work for me. Any other wishes?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-24 19:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
..2-A MAN. One that not only loves to laugh, but loves to make me laugh even more. Someone who gives me butterflies when they smile. An animal lover would be a plus, as well as him having attractive hands. Someone that would not only listen to me babble on about whatever, but encourage it because it's me being me. Someone who'll play with my hair when I'm falling asleep and also pull it when needed.
Damn that sounds like me. Maybe my girlfriend will swap. What do I mean maybe, I'm pretending like she has a choice! Hahahahahahaha.....
Except I hate animals. God damn freeloaders.
Submitted by Hennessy (user info) at 2005-12-24 17:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
A MUCH MUCH better version:
http://www.funnyjunk.com/p/santa_sucks-jpg.html
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-12-24 17:06:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a hilarious pimp. You can work for me. Any other wishes?
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2005-12-24 16:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
2-A MAN. One that not only loves to laugh, but loves to make me laugh even more. Someone who gives me butterflies when they smile. An animal lover would be a plus, as well as him having attractive hands. Someone that would not only listen to me babble on about whatever, but encourage it because it's me being me. Someone who'll play with my hair when I'm falling asleep and also pull it when needed.
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Maybe this is why you're single, because your picky.
I only gave this a minus one because it's not all bad, some of it was okay, but for the most part, it was drab.
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (user info) at 2005-12-24 15:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy crap. I didn't think anyone would remember I was here to begin with.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-12-24 15:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
holy crap. I didn't think you were still around.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chicks really dig that hair pulling thing, don't they.
Especially when it hits the back of their throat.
Merry Xmas!
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Butterflies don't smile.
Submitted by prozacaddict (user info) at 2005-12-24 13:31:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry, i don't think i have attractive hands