Happy Holidays (569 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by idontknowron (View user info) at 2005-12-25 00:32:38 EST
I used to be a big fan of sex...until I couldn't get any. It's been nearly 4 months and my penis is growing with decay. All the jerking in the world won't save it now. I've devised all sorts of plans and all have left me empty handed. Ok, well not empty handed...if you know what I mean. Heh? Heh?
Rewind to 4 and a half months ago. I was dating my current girlfriend. She has a healthy libido and would have sex with me anywhere and anyway I wanted it. Of course I took this for granted and many times turned down the invite to her "glory-hole". What can I say? At the time I was cocky, I was walking with a swagger. I thought I could fuck just about anyone in a 200 ft. radius. And at that time, I could. A few girls wanted the goods like a Ethiopian wanting a corn-dog. They wanted it badly. So we parted our seperate ways and I took the time to look at some of the prospects that were in my sights.
Now I'm going to ask you a question. Did you ever notice that women only want you when you're in a relationship? So every girl who was feening at the chance to let me fill them with the love sausage had a change of heart and basically told me to fuck off.
Since that time me and my girlfriend have been back together. But during that time she had sex. Lots of it with another guy. She even let him put it in her ass. As you can imagine, I was outraged when I heard this. Now here's the kicker...he's a gothic man. Now when I think goth, I don't think anal sex. When I think goth, I think of people fucking each other with knives. Maybe a little bit of urine comes into play, but NEVER anal. Supposedly this guy knows what he's doing in bed too.
So, here's what I want for Christmas:
A good lay.
I'm really trying to stay away from the whole rape business. I hear it's not that beneficial, espescially come spring. I've even considered going for the younger girls, 12-15 year olds. They're very impressionable. And I hear they're pretty impressionable over places too. My hands aren't doing it for me. Actually I have a callous on my thumb. It's horrible and the smell could kill the strongest of sailors.
All in all, I'm hoping all of you motherfuckers out in Uberland are having a better Holiday season than I am.
User Reviews
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-25 02:08:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hindsight can be a bitch. Make sure you stock up while you can. You never know when the next pussy depression will hit.
In the meantime, I've heard these work wonders
http://fleshlight.com/main/