Santa's gay lover (2141 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.11 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Santa Claus (View user info) at 2005-12-25 00:36:31 EST
You know, I've lead a good life. Guns, cash, hot bitches, meth, and a penis that horses are jealous of.
But it gets boring. Even a near omnipotent superhuman like myself can only fuck, kill and spend so much until every day becomes just like the last. I became bored with life. What was the point of even getting up in the morning? Just another fucking day where I had to deal with stupid idiot Elves who could barely read and reindeers that shit twice as much as they eat. I began making plans for a messy televised suicide on the Bill O'Reilly show. Then I met Fred.
Fred, like most Elves, was a pretty boy fag. He prided himself on his good looks and he was probably the prettiest of the bunch. Of course, like all fags the Elves are pretty promiscuous and I got to catch a peek at Fred jackhammering some other Elf. By this time I had fucked thousands of women and had done all I could with them. I resolved to unleash the beast on Fred. I decided to go for the direct approach.
I busted down his door one night and ran to his bed, where he was waking up. I punched him in the nose and flipped him over while he was still stunned. You can imagine what happened next.
Over the next few weeks me and Fred went at it like animals, me breaking down his anal fortifications with my battering ram, him waking people all around the workshop with his screams of pleasure. Fred began wearing pants with a flap in the back so I could have ready access. He loved the violation, and I enjoyed slowly destroying a man with my penis.
Then I heard the tragic news.
"Santa," said Fred, "I have prostate cancer." I looked up sharply from the wooden train that was so popular back then. "What?" I rasped." Fred explained to me that overexposure the mild radiation from my penis had given him cancer that was metastasizing into his other organs. He had a few months to live. We made savage gay beast love while crying.
When I was wiping my bloody penis off on his good shirts, he walked up to me and looked me in the eyes.
"Santa, I can't stay here any more. I don't have much more time on this Earth, and I think I should travel the world and see what I can before I pass away." I nodded, a tear rolling down my face. Then I punched him in the chest so hear that it broke his spine. NO ONE leaves Santa, motherfucker! I found out that Elf bodies are actually quite tasty, and I've had one every week for the past five years.
Fred taught me an important lesson: me murdering someone I have fucked is inevitable. I'll always remember that lesson.
Here is a picture of me and Fred:
User Reviews
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nice comment you left on my post there....hehe.
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-12-27 11:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2005-12-27 03:26:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
why does that big gay santa look like sean connery?
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I can assume any form I like... as long as it has a large penis.
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2005-12-27 03:26:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why does that big gay santa look like sean connery?
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-12-26 19:01:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-12-26 07:06:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quite a few people are going to be beaten to death tonight.
Yes, I will kill over my ratings on Ubersite. Beware.
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2005-12-26 02:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you guys are so gay you get frightened by blatant gratuituous gayness.
i on the other hand am ten times gayer and love it to death
+2
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-12-25 13:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What?
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2005-12-25 13:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-12-25 12:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The gay rape that will happen to Mr. Sparkle will be horrific.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-25 07:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was entertaining in no way.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-12-25 01:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the mild radiation from my penis had given him cancer that was metastasizing into his other organs
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-12-25 01:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey! This my personal life, bitch! I'll rip your fucking heart out if you make light of my personal problems!
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-25 00:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-12-25 00:42:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
That is the most horrifying picture I have ever seen, I'm going to blow it up and put in on the bulletin board at the preschool.
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-12-25 00:42:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That is the most horrifying picture I have ever seen, I'm going to blow it up and put in on the bulletin board at the preschool.