I need to learn that not everyone quotes comedians/movies as much as I do. (1277 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bluto (View user info) at 2005-12-27 04:24:18 EST
About a week ao, a few friends of mine invited me to a party. I worked late that night, but when I got off, I went over to their apartment. Upon my arrival, I sat down, got situated, and began taking part in the debauchery.
About half an hour and several drinks later, I was wandering around the apartment when I happened into the guest bedroom. Inside the room, there was one woman sitting at the computer desk, a man sitting on the recliner in the corner by the window, smoking a cigarette, and another chick sitting on the bed, wearing nothing but a blanket.
When I walked into the room, none of them seemed to have realized my presence, so I took one step back, knocked lightly on the door, and said, "Hi, I'm here for the gangbang."
The guy who was sitting in the corner starts laughing, while the two chicks look extremely uncomfortable. When I see the one wearing a blanket becoming fidgety, I calmly try to explain to her that I am not expecting to take part in any tag-team action, but was simply referencing a movie.
Meanwhile, my attempts to calm the female party guests are being made useless as the guy in the room explains to me that the gangbang isn't gay, so long as "our hoo-hoos don't touch."
If you think it's hard trying to argue for your maturity after a line such as "I'm here for the gangbang," try doing so while laughing at the absurdity of a word such as "hoo-hoos." I finally left the room and spent the rest of the night trying to avoid those two ladies for fear that, should I come too close, they might mace the shit out of me.
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PART II
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A friend of mine, who happens to be a Colts fan, invited me to his place to watch football last week. Now, the last thing I wanted was to hang out with a bunch of Colts fans during a football game, but I went in hopes that San Diego would end Indy's run at a perfect season.
When I arrived, I was told to throw my coat into the bedroom, where the coats were being kept. I sat down to watch the game, and thought nothing of it for most of the day. When the game reached halftime, however, I figured it was a perfect time for a cigarette break. I had left my cigarettes in my coat, so I went to retrieve them. As I'm walking out of the bedroom, I shout the one line that pops into my head:
"Someone shit on the coats!"
Dane Cook would have been proud with the sincerity upon my face as this phrase escaped my gullet. Instantly, the look on the host's face switches from frustration (the Colts were losing by 16) to that of someone who has just seen his entire family take refuge within a rhinoceros' asshole. While he dashes off to the bedroom, two of the people in the room break into laughter, while looks of confusion adorn the faces of the remaining attendees.
As he's returning from the bedroom, relieved by the fact that no excrement is on the coats, he inquires as to my reasoning for the false alarm. After a short explanation, I could tell that not only did he find no humor in Dane's bit; he found no humor in my usage of said bit. His indifference only changed to scorn when I suggested that the true reason for his anger was the Colts' 16-point halftime deficit.
I finally gave up trying to reckon with the man, went outside to smoke my cigarette, and watched happily as the Colts were handed their first loss of the season. Let's just say that I'm not expecting an expectation to his Super Bowl party.
User Reviews
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 04:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff man ,great .
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 11:51:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember being on a job interview once and having salary come up in the conversation. The guy gave me the annual total, and wanted to break it into monthly segments to give me an idea of my typical takehome, to which I said "It was my understanding, that there would be no math."
He didn't get it.
Asshole.
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This JUST hit me at work today. I'd been racking my brain trying to remember this line. I could remember that it was Chevy Chase. I just couldn't remember what it was. Finally, after about the 30th time I'd muttered it over the last few days, it hit me: SNL '76. Chevy was playing Gerald Ford, being asked a question about the Federal Budget in a debate with Jimmy Carter, played by Dan Aykroyd.
Oh dear god my head feels better.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-04 02:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto -2
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been caught quoting Dane Cook for years. I loved his bit, saw it maybe 3 years ago, about waiting for the perfect crunch when a car squeals ..... 'Get my shooeeeess! Where are my shoes?!?! There's been an accident, someone might be dead! Haha"
Come to think of it, out of context, I can see why that is taken the wrong way.
Ah fuck it, that man is gold. He can SuperFinger me anyday! ;)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-27 10:02:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
More than once I have popped out with something and been very relieved when at least one other person in the room knew what I was referencing.
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Someone shit on the coats!"
"What?!!"
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sploogetastic
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I scared my father's dogs laughing.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 13:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's great.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-27 12:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have the same issue, especially with quotes from cartoons-geared-at-adults. The Simpsons, Home Movies, and Futurama should pay me residuals for all the exposure I've given them- at my own social expense.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 11:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember being on a job interview once and having salary come up in the conversation. The guy gave me the annual total, and wanted to break it into monthly segments to give me an idea of my typical takehome, to which I said "It was my understanding, that there would be no math."
He didn't get it.
Asshole.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-27 11:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i also have this problem
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-27 11:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have understood and laughed, all the while wishing I had said it first.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 10:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i woulda known what you were talkin about. dane cook is teh hotness.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-27 10:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More than once I have popped out with something and been very relieved when at least one other person in the room knew what I was referencing.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-27 09:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-12-27 07:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best comedian qoute EVAR.
"As long you're flamable, and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-Mitch Hedberg
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-27 06:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I giggled like a retard when I read you said that.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-27 06:07:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-27 06:00:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
you look at more porn than a teenage virgin.
of course you'd find that amusing.
----
Well, I always found the truth to be quite amusing...
Wait, what?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-27 06:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you look at more porn than a teenage virgin.
of course you'd find that amusing.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-27 05:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I *LOVE* Dane Cook!
Oh, and I would have laughed at the gangbang bit. Stupid girls.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-27 05:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-27 05:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-27 04:34:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to learn that not everyone quotes trendy comedians/movies as much as I do.
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Touche.
But I DO quote more than just popular comedy. Fuck, my second post was about using a Bill Hicks quote at work.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71491
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-27 05:12:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
initially i get Very strange looks when i make statements to total strangers on the street
or in a store.
but 90% of the time, within 30sec to 5 mins they'll actually come back to find me and say something positive
people i've known for 20-30yrs still average about a minute to decipher or retrieve any coherent meaning
i've also found this 'hobby' quite difficult on this non-verbal medium(at least @ this site)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-27 04:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to learn that not everyone quotes trendy comedians/movies as much as I do.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-27 04:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FYI: For those of you who don't know, The quote in the first part is from the movie "Old School."
The quote in the second part is by Comedian Dane Cook.