Bountiful Booty Beneath the Boughs (2056 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 59 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ahumblefool (View user info) at 2005-12-27 14:33:45 EST
My wife and I have a tradition on Christmas Eve. We set out the children's presents, light a fire in the fireplace, turn on the ol tree lights, have a glass of our favorite beverage, and exchange our gifts to each other. Since we have been together for 18 years, locating the perfect gift for each other has become more difficult, but this year was pretty good. On my third whiskey sour and my wife's fourth glass of merlot, she handed me my second gift of the evening. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a slinky negligee with no clothe in the rear.
"Uh, you don't want me to wear this do you," I ask.
"Of course it is not for you, it is for me. You want me to go try it on?"
"Hell yes I want you to go try it on."
So, I am sitting back enjoying the last dregs of my whiskey, when she walks out of the hall in this very nice piece of clothing, well, lack there of. Now, even after 18 years, seeing my wife in a nice negligee turns me on. In fact, I find it to be one of the hotter things in life.
We begin warm-up with some foreplay and in about half and hour I have her on the floor, and we are going at it in our favorite position doggy style. I am just starting to get my rhythm down when she says,
"Let's do it in the dirty place."
"What, you want to do it in the garage again," I respond.
"No... you know, there."
I stop.
"What's wrong," she asks.
What she does not know is that I am listening for Gabriel's horn, as the end times must be approaching. I have always said that if my wife ever offered, I have been wrong about God all this time, and there really is a heaven and hell, and Jesus was coming to collect the believers.
"Hey, what's wrong," more demanding this time, and a little upset.
"Nothing, I just... what you really want me to do that," I ask.
"Yea, come on, let's try it. I am pretty tipsy."
My other head is saying hell yea! But my brain is making me stop for a moment. The last time I tried this was when I was 28, very drunk and tried to slip it to her on the sly. That episode ended with two weeks of no sex, and me sleeping in the other room.
"I don't know. I really do not want to hurt you. Let's just get our rhythm back."
"Come on, just this once. I just want to try it. You know you want to."
It is not on the forefront of my mind, but to deny I have never wanted to try it would be lying, so I say alright, lets give it a go.
After a little nudging, a little moving this way and that, we are now locked together. And to my absolute amazement, she is really into it. She starts pushing back faster and harder, moaning a little too loud, I have to remind her we do not want the kids catching us. I really can not believe how into this she is. I grab hold of her hips and we really began to move.
This is unfrigging believable! I do not remember having sex this hot in about four years since we discovered lotus position 112.
I can feel that I am getting ready to climax, and she is reaching that point too. In my head I hear my self saying, "Who's your daddy bitch."
Who's your daddy? WTF. Did I just say that?
"Daddy."
There it is again, what the hell. This is some good sex, I am even hearing voices. I am right there; I can feel the pressure ebbing up like the tide, ready to pop in any second.
"Daddy. Daddy."
My eyes open in a flash, and there next to the bed is my daughter.
"Daddy, wake up, Santa left presents."
I look at the clock, my face flush. It is 5:30 am.
Damn you Santa, best dream since I was seventeen and you jacked me up with presents.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:22:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For God so loved the world, he gave us his one and only humblefool.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:36:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:06:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let's do it in the dirty place."
"What, you want to do it in the garage again," I respond.
=====================
Oh yeah, +2 for that...that had me rolling!
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.
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so what you are saying is that I've just been dreaming it? that explains alot...
Submitted by hysteric (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice one !
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:09:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary, I'm having one of those kid things, think I will strap it down.
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much agreement on that score.
me, I kinda like the buttsecks from time to time.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary, I'm having one of those kid things, think I will strap it down.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:08:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Take another
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let's do it in the dirty place."
"What, you want to do it in the garage again," I respond.
---------------
Haven't read the rest yet, but here is a plus two just for that
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:52:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
It seemed like kind of a departure for you though, not really the kind of thing you usually post.
__________________________________
Yea, very true. Was one of those "things" you know?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
It seemed like kind of a departure for you though, not really the kind of thing you usually post.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
naughty butt sex.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i meant not doing that. but i'm retarded... someone smack me smart.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well circe doing all that got me fired from my position as wife. maybe being fitting in is better in the long run.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:27:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.
____
this is true.
__________________
I need your help, ladies. I need you to teach me to be a better wife, because I keep doing all this stuff that wives aren't supposed to do.
I WANT to be a good wife. I WANT to raise an eyebrow and look at my husband like he's crazy when he tells me he's going to tie me up. I WANT to find the idea of anal sex repulsive and icky. I WANT to dislike giving head.
Please, help me. Teach me. Before the dutchman gets fed up with the lack of challenge and leaves.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My advice = Invest in a locking door knob. Think of the little chillins.
----
For some reason, I thought this said "Inscest"
Fuck if I know why...
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-28 05:51:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought your kid had caught you at the end there.
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That would make for years and YEARS of therapy for the poor kid.
My advice = Invest in a locking door knob. Think of the little chillins.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-28 06:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:21:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was filthy and disgusting.
But in a good way.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-28 05:51:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought your kid had caught you at the end there.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-12-28 04:39:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-12-28 00:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GreenRiver (user info) at 2005-12-27 22:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a laugh out loud always gets a +2
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.
---------------------------------
This is NOT true!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
outstanding!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:43:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL I totally thought your kid was gonna catch you but it was even worse than that. Sorry man. +2 looks good on you.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me want to take one up the ass.
WHAT????
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Have you ever smelt, and you will know what I mean if you have been there, that sweet smell of dry desert sand at high elevations in New Mexico, Utah or Arizona."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You are the cat that lives around Phoenix, aren't you?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:57:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being a dirt road cowboy
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tee hee!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-27 17:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was filthy and disgusting.
But in a good way.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.
____
this is true.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:18:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or, if it's a so-so bout of lovemaking, you could throw her off you and say either "needs more rape" or "minus two, die."
Let's hope it doesn't come to that, though.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:10:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:08:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:33:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
A dare: Next time you are the wifey get down, you should shout, "yalo thar buttsecks!"
I'm dying to know her reaction. Post the results.
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Ooh, good idea --- you should defitely recite something of mine while you're giving her a bit of the old humbletool. Some of the meter is PERFECT for steady-rhythm boot-knockin'.
Or you could always just roll her off you when you're done and gaze into her exhausted, loving eyes and gently whisper "Plus two, baby."
_________________
Oh shit, I am laughing my ass off on this one. I have to do this now. The +2 for sure.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 16:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:33:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
A dare: Next time you are the wifey get down, you should shout, "yalo thar buttsecks!"
I'm dying to know her reaction. Post the results.
---
Ooh, good idea --- you should defitely recite something of mine while you're giving her a bit of the old humbletool. Some of the meter is PERFECT for steady-rhythm boot-knockin'.
Or you could always just roll her off you when you're done and gaze into her exhausted, loving eyes and gently whisper "Plus two, baby."
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:46:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:45:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that a triple dog dare?
=============
Oh yes. This is going to be funny.
________________________
You are on. I have already done, "Soups on Bitch!" and she looked at me like I was insane.
I will try and tape it as well for inion_de_trua, but no camwhore as my wife would then cream me, and not in a good way.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is true. I'm looking forward to this. It will be great.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bmitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:55:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a couple of more weeks. Are you getting excited? I am!
___________________
You know, I am, and that is kind of silly, becasue I do not know any of you from Adam, but it is going to be a blast getting to know you, that is no joke.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just a couple of more weeks. Are you getting excited? I am!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if you can post in a sound file that'd be better. with camwhore.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:45:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that a triple dog dare?
=============
Oh yes. This is going to be funny.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that a triple dog dare?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:33:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope for your sake you had neither morning wood nor any...emissions...of some sort when your girl woke you up.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:33:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A dare: Next time you are the wifey get down, you should shout, "yalo thar buttsecks!"
I'm dying to know her reaction. Post the results.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let's do it in the dirty place."
"What, you want to do it in the garage again," I respond.
---
GOLD.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KatHunter (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:20:06 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.
---------------
Are you saying that I'll stop liking it when I get married? Because then I better not...
________________
...its not possible.
alter!
Submitted by KatHunter (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.
---------------
Are you saying that I'll stop liking it when I get married? Because then I better not...
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And it was all just a dream? That sucks!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:15:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HALO THAR.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a good strategy, it seems you handled it well and all.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:47:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Have your kids walked in on you guys doing it? How do you handle that sort of thing?
________________________
Only once. It was pretty embarrassing. We were going at it pretty hot and heavy, when my son, he was about five, walked into the room. I do not know how long he was standing there, but when I finally say him he was crying. We stopped instantly, and my wife got up with the bed spread and took him back to his room.
When my wife returned and got back into bed, she started to laugh. She said that he had heard her "crying" and was afraid that I was hurting her.
I had to explain the next morning that Mommy and Daddy sometimes cuddle naked, and play, make noises, but that it is all in fun, no one is getting hurt.
Luckily we have not been caught since, by either of our children. But they both nearly caught us in the kitchen about a year ago, and that would have been really hard to explain.
My son is ten now, so he has a pretty good idea of "what" is going on in the parents room.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cock blocked by a 5-year old.
Even if it was in a dream.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:47:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was getting ready to extend you an intraweb high-five. Then you ruined it.
I am never getting married.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:47:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have your kids walked in on you guys doing it? How do you handle that sort of thing?
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done...
<applauds>
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no, no wife likes it in teh butt. but we do it for love sometimes. for love.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.
_____________________________
I figured people would catch on quickly :)
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-27 14:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. But I was on to you, because no wife likes it in the pooper, except in her husband's dreams.