What My Mom Got Me For Christmas (1581 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BadAssJulie (View user info) at 2005-12-27 20:12:48 EST
I know I'm a little late on the whole Christmas thing but I just got back from my vacation so I don't care.
Every year my mom asks me for a list of things I want but for the past 2-3 years I haven't been able to think of anything I don't already have besides a pony. I live in L.A. though so where would I put it? In the bathtub? I don't think so. Because of this, I've been getting the strangest and/or lamest Christmas presents for the past few years.
Last year everything I got came from the Avon catalog. Yes, that's right. I said Avon. My mom had no time for Christmas shopping and since she works at a school, lots of the little old ladies who work there also happen to be Avon ladies.
The year before that it took her a while to figure out she wasn't getting a list from me so by the time she went shopping, she only had a day or two to buy everything. I got some socks with dogs on them, a picture frame shaped like a sailboat, a matching photo album, a leopard print bed set with lions and trees all over it, some shoes that were too small, an ugly sweater with Santa and elves on it, and some scrubs for work including a scrub shirt that has blue pot leaves, bumble bees, and butterflies on it. My mom is in denial about the pot leaves though. She still thinks they're supposed to be palm trees.
This year when she told me she was going to get me totally original gifts that no one else had, I shuddered and was almost too scared to open them. Surprisingly, I only got a few strange presents and most of them were just little stocking stuffers. I got a candle with a skeleton mermaid on it, a pen that says "fuck you" when you click it, a battery powered change separator, and Santa's pimp hat to name a few.
I must say that my favorite strange gift this year has to be my new tampon case. It's even got a spiffy little "period chart" that you're supposed to write your info and your friends' info on (creepy). Here are a few things my new tampon case has written on it: Know Your FLOW!, Vinnie's Tamp Case, Holds a Bunch!, Hi-Performance, I Brake For Cycles, and Don't Let Your Period Cramp Your Style.
Here's a picture of my new tampon case. I don't know where she gets this shit....
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-30 09:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/angel.html
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
amazing...this will allow you to kick more ass than usual!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
W00T!
B-Day present!
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:34:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear lord...
Find out where she got it, I have a sister with a birthday coming up...
--------------------------
Actually, she won't tell me where she got it. She's afraid I'll return it even though I told her I'd never do that because it's the funniest thing I've ever gotten. However, the website written on the tag is www.knowyourflow.com. I'm sure you could get one there.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Forget the tampons, use his unibrow as a pad.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:13:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that so beats the crap out of the mug my mum got me.
ok so mine did also get me the £10 gift voucher for Argos and a huge tin of quality street that I asked for...but still, your mum rocks.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Um.... Wow.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks like something from Old Navy.
Funny as hell.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha, that was great
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear lord...
Find out where she got it, I have a sister with a birthday coming up...
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your mom is...uhhh...different
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:46:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thankfully my mother has given up buying gifts for me.
Now I just get cash
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:14:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of curious about the Eskimo-Pie on the inside...
Maybe some sort of twisted "Eat out an Eskimo's twat while she's on the rag and has a tampon crammed up her cunt" innuendo?
___________________________
Between this and the picture, I shit myself laughing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:21:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You deserved less than you got, you ungrateful bee-yotch.
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:14:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of curious about the Eskimo-Pie on the inside...
Maybe some sort of twisted "Eat out an Eskimo's twat while she's on the rag and has a tampon crammed up her cunt" innuendo?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-28 04:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That looks like a Maxibon on the inside of the lid. Or, "eskimo pie" for the yanks.
Actually, Maxibon might have been named after the Maxipad in a special Australian in-joke.
Submitted by kimberly (user info) at 2005-12-28 03:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scandelous
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-28 03:09:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bizzarre.
-Dave
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-12-28 01:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
posh.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mai Tai might need a little body-building conditioner, next time she breaks out the Avon catalogue.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-27 22:22:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-27 21:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.fredflare.com/diary/vinnie.php
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:36:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Know Your Flow"
I like the way Vinnie points at you.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:25:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
This didn't even need content, the picture says it all.
----
I agree. Even without words, this would have at LEAST been a +1.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE it. I'd also like to have the skeleton mermaid thingie, sight unseen. Hey, at least you didn't get this:
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/75174
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:33:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Love it , know your flow !
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This didn't even need content, the picture says it all.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-27 20:20:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment