10 and a half things I learned in Tijuana (1428 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.15 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ScottPeterson (View user info) at 2005-12-28 05:43:43 EST
1- Tijuana is the best place to buy a black velvet painting of Auschwitz.
2- I went down on the girl who does the donkey shows.
3- I trained Mexican mites to only lay their eggs at my hairline.
4- A Mexican particle accelerator is a BB-gun and a pack of chicklay.
5- I discovered you could use amebic dysentery as a martial art.
6- I told a Mexican welder there were no fumes in the gas tank, after he lit his cutting torch.
7-A bald Mexican looks really silly without a moustache and eyebrows.
8- I learned how to run like a flying chingaderro down Avenita Revolution after #7.
9-Then I learned how to stuff 10 kilos of coke into my tires and re-inflate them.
10-In my dash to get back to America, I noticed a little girl standing between the idling columns
of cars. She had snot covering her upper lip, but she managed a few strains of La Bomba as she
shook her maracas.
10.5- I flipped the little slut the finger, bounced a peso off her forehead and made my run to the border.
User Reviews
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2006-01-15 19:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1- Tijuana is the best place to buy a black velvet painting of Auschwitz.
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Awesome!
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 22:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is an auto +2 based on your true statement on my post.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-12-31 08:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is the first n00b post I've seen in a while with a positive rating, so who am I to disagree? and this was actually funny!
You would have got a +2 from me but you've really made me want a taco and I cant walk to the bus stop to go get the inner workings of one (or six) from my local supermarket so i thoroughly blame you for not letting me get the lunch I really want.
humpf.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-31 07:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-31 07:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
luccky 13-- dont let those 3or 4 skanky smelly dizeese ridden ho's sit aat yor table because you will have to pay for all those drinks and more if you letone of them they touch your leg and your rub your pee pee and once the drinks hit the tsable its too late becaus eyou got fucked without even getting fucked even thought you ouldnt have wanted to get fucjed or even touched by any one of them2 or 3 big fuckn smelly and hairy bouncer dudes will follow you out and fuck you up again and prolly tell one of the taxi drivers you really want right then to take sonehwere and fuk you up afgan yet you geta one mother fucjer dude man
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
all true - here's two more to add to the list
11. Don't eat the hot dogs wrapped in bacon from that street vendor - you will be drunk and you will want to, but just don't.
12. Check out the jai alai - it's guys playing catch at 90 mph, and you can drink and gamble simultaneously.
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2005-12-29 03:29:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry for the inconvenience, just checking something that shouldn't have happened.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-29 03:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-29 01:51:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
drunk +2
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2005-12-29 00:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:05:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
You must be from San Diego?
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I have another house there, but I hail from Bizzaroville farther north.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:31:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you contract anything?
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Nope, just like the last time I sent you an Email.
Submitted by Clark_Kent (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Same thing happened here http://www.ubersite.com/m/81643
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You must be from San Diego?
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:23:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
It ain't THAT funny...
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So what the fuck are you doing here, then?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
2- I went down on the girl who does the donkey shows.
Now that's just fucking nasty. Did you contract anything?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
God I hate your fucking name. Shouldn't you be in prison?
Submitted by psychabillyjean (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:14:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every time I see the name "Scott Peterson" I start laughing. I liked this post, too. 'Lucky' the luckiest donkey.
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for "flying chingaderro"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It ain't THAT funny...
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-12-28 07:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its 7 am and I am still awake and this is the funniest thing I've read all morning.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-28 05:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Too bad you didn't join your wife while there.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-12-28 05:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I guess that all I need now is that chicklay...