Ubers Ugliest Baby Contest, or, Fuck You. Your Baby Is Gross. (2953 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Best
Rating: 1.88 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Is My Stapler (View user info) at 2005-12-28 06:41:59 EST
Yet another friend of mine recently had a kid. Whenever this happens, I'm innundated with baby pictures as Christmas cards, web links to their kids home pages, and jpeg e-mail attachments of the little darlings.
Why is it that all babies are "the most beautiful child ever born" yet 99.999999999999% of the world population is ass-repulsive-ugly? What happens to all the "gorgeous" little fuckers? Is it the food? The water? When did they stop being beautiful and turn into the disgusting motherfucker cackling at dumb jokes next to you in the movie theater?
The truth is, they were never attractive. YOUR FUCKING KID IS UGLY, dipshit. I'm no exception. I was born disgusting, and I'm still disgusting. If I ever have kids, they'll be disgusting, and I, for one, and damn proud of it.
Top, if you can, this ugly picture of me as a baby. I'm sure you can, because you're 10 times the ugliness I am. And so is your fucking kid.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2006-06-11 03:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahhaahahahahahahaha..
+2 Rowan Atkinson!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-06-11 03:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:47:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me picture a dumpster of dead babies, which made me think of every dead baby joke I know, which made me laugh, which caused a lot of strange looks at work, which lead to me telling dead baby jokes at work, which lead to me making a new friend but pissing off 8 women.
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-02-10 10:15:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cause i put this as my wallpaper on the computer at work
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-10 10:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That picture! Fuck! I'm not sure whether to ejaculate or have nightmares.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:43:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lil bean
Submitted by Clark_Kent (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Same thing happened here http://www.ubersite.com/m/81643
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-28 16:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was a cute baby but I'm kind of ugly now. Oh well, can't stay cute forever I suppose.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:49:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:47:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me picture a dumpster of dead babies, which made me think of every dead baby joke I know, which made me laugh, which caused a lot of strange looks at work, which lead to me telling dead baby jokes at work, which lead to me making a new friend but pissing off 8 women.
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Kick fucking ass!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:21:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it's an evolutionary thing...babies are cute so mothers are more apt to care for them? If they looked fucking terrible, they'd end up in a dumpster 95% of the time.
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This made me picture a dumpster of dead babies, which made me think of every dead baby joke I know, which made me laugh, which caused a lot of strange looks at work, which lead to me telling dead baby jokes at work, which lead to me making a new friend but pissing off 8 women.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That kid is going to give me nightmares.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha! Rowan Atkinson aka, Mr. Bean.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love that actor... But I can't for the life of me remember his forename.
Somebody Atkinson.
Shit.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with your post. Babies have this wierd mind control thing that they bistow upon their parents. This is why when emailing mates/family I don't send out the 3d pics of my bumpdweller unless they ask for them.
ok so I did post one on uber, but people can -2 that. you can't -2 an email. I've tried. non-uberers don't get it.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JerseyGirl77 (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:56:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
My entry for the ugliest baby contest: http://www.thecliches.com/pages/Photo12_jpg.htm
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Welcome back, nigger.
Submitted by JerseyGirl77 (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My entry for the ugliest baby contest: http://www.thecliches.com/pages/Photo12_jpg.htm
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mr. Bean is a just a poor man's Tim Conway.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it's an evolutionary thing...babies are cute so mothers are more apt to care for them? If they looked fucking terrible, they'd end up in a dumpster 95% of the time. Not all parents think their kids are cute...I know a couple that has twins, and they call their one baby "shovel head" because his head is a bit flat in the back. Now how's that for funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
How did you access my baby pictures?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:37:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-28 08:46:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha
My brother and his wife just had a baby last Thursday. She's pretty cute...although when she opens her eyes she looks like a baby ape.
It's hilarious.
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Just don't nickname her Koko.
Submitted by Kel_Kel (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They aren't cute until they are about 2.
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:42:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-12-28 07:59:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
the only good baby is an aborted baby
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-12-28 07:59:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
the only good baby is an aborted baby
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-28 09:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my little brother was a cute kid, but my cousin looked like a baby mongoloid.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-12-28 08:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto Mr. Bean +2.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-28 08:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha
My brother and his wife just had a baby last Thursday. She's pretty cute...although when she opens her eyes she looks like a baby ape.
It's hilarious.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-28 08:02:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup. All babies are ugly.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-28 08:00:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rowan Atkinson is a legend.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-12-28 07:59:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the only good baby is an aborted baby
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-12-28 07:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fact; Kids are ugly