Random Thoughts on a Wednesday (2124 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: RandomThoughts
Rating: 1.96 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-12-28 10:51:39 EST
- My Christmas take was pretty damned excellent this year. I didn't receive (or ask for) anything really big, but aside from the Fight Club DVD that I requested, I received everything I wanted:
From Wife:
2 Red Sox shirts
Naval Academy football shirt
an OSU vs. ND Fiesta Bowl shirt
Ohio State stickers/car decals
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Donnie Brasco (to add to my Johnny Depp collection)
Office Space Special Edition
Collective Soul - Seven Year Itch (Greatest Hits)
a book (The Great Santini, by Pat Conroy)
a bag of coffee beans (Starbucks Medium Roast)
sweaty monkey sex
From Co-Workers:
Red Wings tickets
Money
Panera Bread gift card
Starbucks gift card
Ohio State Coffee Mug
cheese ball with decorative plate
From Parents:
Either a Curt Schilling Red Sox home jersey or a Navy Academy football jersey. I'm not sure which yet, but I know it's one or the other (the package has yet to arrive).
From In-Laws
a long-sleeved Ohio State shirt & money
- I would like to be black for an hour or so, just so I could walk into a crowded place, wait for the noise to die down, and suddenly shout out: "Hey, where the white women at?"
- If I see a bug on the floor, I'll usually let it go without killing it. Not because I'm humane, but because I'm scared that if I kill it, one of them will witness the murder and tell the rest of the bugs what I did. Then I'll have an army of bugs out to get me.
- I bought Elephant, by The White Stripes, in 2003. I listened to a few songs and liked it, but for some reason I put it in my CD case and completely forgot about it. However, on the drive home from my in-laws Monday afternoon I put it in the CD player and listened to it from start to finish. WOW. The whole thing is good (minus a song or two), but Ball and Biscuit (track 8 from that CD) is absolutely fantastical. It sounds like someone took a dash of Led Zepplin, mixed in a few shakes of George Thorogood, and threw in a pinch of Tom Petty and shook them up. It's awesome.
- Speaking of music, the more I listen to Franz Ferdinand, the more I like them. Their CD hasn't left my Jeep's CD player in several weeks other than the times when I get a hankerin' for some Sublime or Pearl Jam. Many of their songs have a Beatles vibe while others sound a bit like Bob Dylan. It's just great music and I absolutely love it.
- If I'm listening to a CD that I would be embarrassed by, I ALWAYS eject it before I park and go into a store. The last thing I want if for a thief to break in and hot wire the vehicle, only to hear the Bangles blaring away on the radio.
- Spooner touched on this once, but I'm going to mention it here as well. My CD player is a pussy in that it refuses to play CDs with scratches which means I'm constantly ejecting the CD player and cleaning it with my shirt. Now, the problem with this is, I tend to get a bit animated when I'm doing this because I'm frustrated that the brand new CD is skipping. Thanks to this, I recently had a woman cover her child's eyes and shoot me the dirtiest look ever at a red light. I was just sitting there cleaning my CD, moving it back and forth in my lap with a grimace on my face. I don't know what the problem was....
- I own five pairs of dress pants: navy, khaki, grey, green, and brown. The brown ones have never fit right, so I never wear them, so that leaves me with four pairs of pants that I randomly rotate (which is fine with me). However, I recently two weeks ago the button ripped off the green ones and last week the zipper broke off of the grey ones. Because of this I now have two pairs of pants to wear while the others are being fixed, and I literally wore the navy pants three days last week (I washed them, calm down). I feel a bit like Marge Simpson when she buys that Chanel suit or the girl Jerry Seinfeld was dating who always wore the same outfit. Also, when the zipper ripped off the grey ones, I was at work. This posed a problem because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do it's usually something unusual. In order to keep Little Tom from sticking his head out and scaring everyone, I had to tie my jacket around my waist like a girl on her period and drive home to change pants.
- I like to watch someone interact with a person they absolutely despise. I hold onto the idea that if the winds are right and the stars are aligned perfectly, a sucker punch may be thrown at some point.
- I also like to watch a two-face be nice to a coworker, then turn around and cut them down behind their back. Of course, then I'm not so happy when I think about how nice the two-face is to me. Wait...
- I am what's known as a "compulsive buyer." If I want something, I have to have it right now. Case in point: I recently paid 130 dollars for an X-Box just so I could play the game America's Army. Now that I've played it and beaten it, I intend to sell the X-Box on E-Bay and put the money off to the side for a Playstation 3. But it doesn't end there. Remember that Jeep I bought back last summer? I'm planning on selling it and buying a 99-04 Toyota Celica come springtime. If it's not obvious yet, I am the reason stores put things next to their cash registers.
- I started writing this at 9:43....it is now 10:16. Since I began typing, my 60 year old slore of co-worker has stood up and walked into viewing range of my monitor in order to see what I'm doing 11 times. Now I know I tend to exaggerate, but this is God's honest truth, ELEVEN times in 33 minutes. Not even Jane Fonda stood up and sat down this much. Wait, something is happening.... Yep, thought so. The count is now at 12. (12! 12 times. Mwah ha ha!)
- Why is it that I can remember old phone numbers but I can't remember what I did with my keys? Seriously, I can remember my best friend's phone number from second grade. The really strange thing is, his parents moved and changed their number about a year after that, but I can still remember the old one.
- I know it's silly, but when I first started posting here, I would rush through something and post it as quickly as possible just in case someone had the exact same idea at the exact same moment. It's kind of similar to how people constantly watch over their shopping cart in a grocery store. As if someone is going to steal something neither of you has paid for yet.
- I refuse to watch Sunday Night Football unless 1. the Bengals are playing or 2. it's a really good game. Paul MacGuire and Joe Theisman are more than I can take. I'd rather be thrown off a four story building, fall through the glass ceiling of a greenhouse, land on the concrete, and develop a speech impediment like Tony Rocky Horror than listen to them for three straight hours.
- 10:35: Slore has gotten up 2 more times taking the overall count to 14 stand ups in less than an hour. If she wasn't so obvious, it wouldn't even be worth mentioning, but damn. If I wasn't pecking away at my keyboard she would sit still and do her job, but noooo. She MUST know what I'm doing. Nosy God-damned gargoyle. I'm convinced that she checks my internet history when I go to the bathroom. I think I might go to NAMBLA.com or the Nazi Party website just to freak her out.
- Not to blatantly rip off Dane Cook, but sometimes at night I lay in bed and think about performing heists. I lay in the dark and come up with different ways to rob banks or jewelry stores. I'm convinced that I could pull it off at least once. The trick, in my opinion, is switching vehicles a few times and changing clothes. I need to go watch Heat again to live vicariously through DeNiro get this out of my system.
- On that subject, how does one go about launching a career in bank robbing or other such things? Do you have to go to prison? Is it like a tradeoff you have to do? Get pounded in the ass by a big guy named Maurice for a year, but when you come out you're a hitman or a bank robber? Seriously, how cool would it be to have a vault of weapons hidden in an underground bunker in your backyard and actually have a use for them? You go to a class reunion: "So, what do you do now?" "Oh I'm an office manager for a financial firm. How about you?" "Me? Oh, I'm an assasin for the Russian Mafia. Get me a glass of punch or I'll cut your ear off."
User Reviews
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-01-04 08:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for "keeping it real," Dead Ohio.
Submitted by kimberly (user info) at 2006-01-04 00:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My CD player sucks, too.
It's like: I put the CD in, the CD player tries to read it, player refuses to play the CD, players automatically pops the CD out, I put the CD back in, the CD player tries to read it, etc. etc. About the 10th time around in this cycle it actually starts playing. BUT if I try to skip the next song, it stops, tries to read the CD, spits in my eye, pops the CD out.. and the whole cycle starts over again.
It's horrible.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-04 00:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
saving for ps3 as well.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2006-01-04 00:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
- If I'm listening to a CD that I would be embarrassed by, I ALWAYS eject it before I park and go into a store. The last thing I want if for a thief to break in and hot wire the vehicle, only to hear the Bangles blaring away on the radio.
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+2 for the stones to admit this.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-01-03 08:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was pretty close on the score, eh? I didn't think OSU would score those extra two touchdowns, but what the hell. It was a good game.
I hate Brady Quinn's fucking sister. If I ever see her damnable face on my television screen again, I will break something.
Go Bucks!
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-03 06:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite a few good lines amongst this jumbled mass of randomness.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-01-03 05:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We won 34-20, you magnificent bastard you.
FIX THIS.
GO BUCKEYES W000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-01-02 09:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
O H I O
Submitted by teakettle (user info) at 2005-12-29 19:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can totally relate to the bug thing.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-29 03:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-29 01:51:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
drunk +2
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-12-28 20:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tom, are you me from the future?
A love for Ohio State *and* the White Stripe's "Ball and a Biscuit?"
That can't be coincidental.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm the king of impulse spending.
i once went into best buy to get a movie or a cd or something petty like that...
i walked by the laptop section, saw one that i liked, opened a best buy credit card, borrowed $300 from my buddy, and bought a $1400 laptop. it wouldn't be so bad but i'm young and i don't have room for that in my salary.
a couple months later, i did the same thing with a $700 video camera.
i'm so bad with money.
and, on a different note, women.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-12-28 19:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
- On that subject, how does one go about launching a career in bank robbing or other such things? Do you have to go to prison? Is it like a tradeoff you have to do? Get pounded in the ass by a big guy named Maurice for a year, but when you come out you're a hitman or a bank robber? Seriously, how cool would it be to have a vault of weapons hidden in an underground bunker in your backyard and actually have a use for them? You go to a class reunion: "So, what do you do now?" "Oh I'm an office manager for a financial firm. How about you?" "Me? Oh, I'm an assasin for the Russian Mafia. Get me a glass of punch or I'll cut your ear off."
_________________________________________________________
I've often wondered this sort of thing, as well. I would make a wicked getaway driver, but where would you go to find that sort of work?
Submitted by Clark_Kent (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Same thing happened here http://www.ubersite.com/m/81643
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:29:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO IRISH!!!!! ND IS TEH ROXXOR.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-28 15:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:20:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone else think that John Madden should just have sex with Brett Favre or get over it?
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I thought they did, and that's why he's always so high on him...
Now, ND will beat OSU, because Ms. Quinn will wear out AJ Hawk with dirty nasty monkey-sex the night before the game.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Eat it, Mikey. Go Bucks.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO IRISH
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-28 14:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I SHOULD -2 you for not already owning Fight Club...
But the rest of the list made up for it.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-28 13:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He said take a break from pro sports. $20,000 worth of school a year (not including unreported/undiscovered booster perks) = paycheck, so don't claim amateur status.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:59:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right, Pokey. College basketball is upon us.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM PROFESSIONAL SPORTS, MY SON. THERE IS MORE TO LIFE YOU KNOW.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:34:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally, ramblings with no point bug me as I don't care about your inner thoughts. This was entertaining though.
I lost my elephant CD and haven't gotten around to buying a new one. It was really good though.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone else think that John Madden should just have sex with Brett Favre or get over it?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:16:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Throw another log on the fire:
"Multiple independent baseball sources have told GB that the Mets, Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox and Tampa Bay Devil Rays are working on a four-team megadeal that would send -- eventually -- Miguel Tejada to the Red Sox, Kris Benson and Julio Lugo to the Orioles, Aaron Heilman and prospects to the Devil Rays, and Manny Ramirez to the Mets.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've thought about the perfect murder, which is obviously to travel to somewhere you've never been and kill someone you've never met. I guess the only question is why anyone who isn't a psychopath would do this...
Submitted by JerseyGirl77 (user info) at 2005-12-28 12:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
very nice
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Being from Colorado, I am supposed to say mean, vulgar things about the Red Wings. However, I am not a hockey fan at all. I don't hate it, but never watched it much and am indifferent to it.
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:42:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:41:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a ND/osu Shirt as well.
I am sure we'll be posting on Tuesday. This may be because I don't work Monday or that I'm just too goddamn drunk from celebrating a victory by my IRISH.
Good luck.
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I bought my dad one!!!! Go IrIsH!!!!
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, when the zipper ripped off the grey ones, I was at work. This posed a problem because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do it's usually something unusual. In order to keep Little Tom from sticking his head out and scaring everyone, I had to tie my jacket around my waist like a girl on her period and drive home to change pants.
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priceless.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a ND/osu Shirt as well.
I am sure we'll be posting on Tuesday. This may be because I don't work Monday or that I'm just too goddamn drunk from celebrating a victory by my IRISH.
Good luck.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed, Bob. I think Phil Simms is one of the best on tv these days because he doesn't love on some teams out of habit and doesn't seem to favor his former team over any who have the privilege of playing them in a given week.
But don't talk bad about his kid.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't stand watching a game with Joe Thiesmann or Troy Aikman doing the commentary.....especially when my team is playing one of their former teams...which happens twice a season.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I downloaded 'Elephant' a long time ago & just rediscovered it, too. It's a really good album and I agree-'Ball and Biscuit' is a fantastic song, SO bluesy- I love it.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:17:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH I was a buck twenty.
For the first time in my life, I've made a New Years' Resolution;
I'm getting back in the gym three times a week AND...
NO MORE FUCKING McDONALD'S!!!
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Where will you work if you're giving Mcdonald's away?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:17:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH I was a buck twenty.
For the first time in my life, I've made a New Years' Resolution;
I'm getting back in the gym three times a week AND...
NO MORE FUCKING McDONALD'S!!!
---
This is easily the most normal Shlongy review I've ever read.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:17:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I WISH I was a buck twenty.
For the first time in my life, I've made a New Years' Resolution;
I'm getting back in the gym three times a week AND...
NO MORE FUCKING McDONALD'S!!!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Somewhatt entertaining.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:04:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're like a 16-year old in a 14-year old's body.
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Says the guy who's 5'6" and a buck twenty with boots on. Ha ha ha.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was just sitting there cleaning my CD, moving it back and forth in my lap with a grimace on my face. I don't know what the problem was...."
HAHA, some people are repressed.
As for Paul MacGuire, I cried when I realized he would be new MNF color man. I'm going to have to watch those games on mute.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice list
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey man, the best thing the Bengals could do would be to rest all their starters and use Kansas City as a bye week before the playoffs. I seriously hope they lose and the Patriots win.
Think about it, who would you rather play in the first round, Jacksonville or Pittsburgh? I'd go with the Jags 10 out of 10 times. Also, if they beat the Jags and the Pats beat the Steelers, they'd go into Indy in the second round to play a rusty, distracted Colts team.
Losing this week is their best bet, plus it will give them a higher draft pick.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're like a 16-year old in a 14-year old's body.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Forget about it is like if you agree with someone, you know, like Raquel Welch is one great piece of ass, forget about it. But then, if you disagree, like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it! you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia those peppers, forget about it. But it's also like saying Go to hell! too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means forget about it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:01:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for randomness
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just read a rumor that the Sox are considering trading Matt Clement and Manny Ramirez to Baltimore for Tejada. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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My God. Why not just trade Ortiz and Schilling while we're at it, then sign Clemens and Aaron Boone just to further alienate every single Red Sox fan?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-12-28 11:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin Buffalo, man....
I had some people try to get me thrown out Saturday. Apparently they didn't like me yelling "Hitch up your skirt and run, Nancy!" at Carson or "Why don't you just hit him with your purse, Deltha!" during the game.
Some people....
Hey, you think Kitna can lead us to 12 wins against KC, or are we fucked and doomed to 3 losses going into the playoffs?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:59:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Random review comments on a Wednesday:
I just read a rumor that the Sox are considering trading Matt Clement and Manny Ramirez to Baltimore for Tejada. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One of my co-workers is wearing what appears to be a nightie as a top today. Too bad she has man hands and a chin that would make Jay Leno wince.
There's nothing quite like fresh cornbread in the morning.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-12-28 10:57:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was entertained.