-- taking money from bums -- missing in action -- and CamWhore** -- SPT (1217 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: nonfiction
Rating: 1.8 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2005-12-28 17:17:25 EST
It's not Thursday, but what the ghey, I won't be here tomorrow.
Shit Post Today.
After the holiday festivities had been over for a few days everyone in my family was sick of holiday type food.
Myself, my wife and the Boy went out to eat with my sisters and my parents at a restaurant owned by my sisters in-laws. This isn't a particularly fancy place which works for me. I don't often shave when I'm off work. I have to wear a suit and tie most of the year, be proper and prim. Consequently, I dress really casually outside of work. I don't walk around wearing unwashed sweatpants and grayed Nikes, but I like to be comfortable. Jeans and a sweatshirt.
The restaurant is an Italian place, my soon to be brother in law is a second generation American, his mother speaks maybe a hundred words of English. Awesome food. Real home-style country Italian cuisine. They have a jukebox with Sinatra, a lot of opera, Sammy Davis Jr.... I know, clichéd and stereotypical, but it's fucking great. I'll plug about ten bucks into the thing and listen to that great music all night long. The whole interior is red and green and candlelit.
The restaurant is located in the downtown of my hometown and therefore frequented by the odd assorted street weirdoes. This night we had two.
Muttering don't talk to me dirty trench coat woman and bouncing off the walls crack head guy.
Everything was good, food was fantastic, soon to be brother in law even floated me and my dad a few free beers. As we go to leave, I notice that vagrant number two is eyeing the Boy. My gloves go in the pocket. Flex the hands. The cold weather makes them stiff and I don't want to break a knuckle along with Mr. Pedophiles jaw after he asks if he can smell my son's balls.
"Hey!"
Damn, he's talking to me and he's closing the gap.
"Hey mister. Hey, hey buddy! Can I ask you a question?" Every homeless guy I've ever ran across calls me "buddy".
Damn it. "What's going on man?"
"Does your son have a piggy bank?"
Ok. This sick fucker, I don't even want to know where this shit is going. I'm going to pop this son of a bitch right in the mouth.
I'm always a freak magnet. When I ran my restaurant I would have a lot of interaction with the various homeless people and drug addicts downtown. This was, 99% of the time, not a big deal. I fed a lot of them free coffee, let them step in out of the cold before the library opened, stuff like that. If I had given out a buck for every one that was requested of me, They'd all have a few extra grand in the bank.
But then there are the other encounters. The crazies.
I've been offered head by more crack addicts and toothless can hoarders than I can count. I've talked to God, Satan, Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton and they were all the same person in the same minute. Offers to go to heaven, hell. Really run of the mill when you deal with crazy people, but you get to know when to keep your guard up just the same.
All good fun, but you hold your wallet a little tighter just in case. Keep the muscles limbered up and ready for a little fisticuffs.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"I just wanted to know if he had a piggy bank so I could give him this buck."
??
"I really want that kid to get at least a GED. I hope he can do at least that good." And he pulled a dirty dollar out of a greasy wallet and handed it to me.
I didn't think I looked that bad. I kept his dollar anyway.
As I left the restaurant I saw this poster. Maybe some Uber people can help find this guy:
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and -2ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-05-31 03:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, what the hell happened to Ray Ray??
Now we have to do a post on her intil she comes back!?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-21 01:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-20 22:53:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
The post says where the milk carton's from Danny Boy. I saw it on a restaurant wall. Sheesh, did you even READ the post? Gosh.
---------------------------------------
Well did you save me a carton or two?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-02-15 19:30:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm ok, if anyone wants to send me a new computer though, I wouldn't argue much.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
h my gosh! It's the son of our lord! Jesus Voltage! He has come to undo all the damage that minimumdino has done!
"My son, bask in my glory. For I am the Onstar that will lead you to salvation. I am the mapquest that knows the way to heaven. And I got a bitchin +2 here for ya."
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 20:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you should take a long walk off a short pier
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:31:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:27:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
try working with crazy people...
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Try working for my boss. You've experienced the she beast, you cannot compare to this and you know it. My job is infinitely worse than yours, crapping children and all.
-------------------
You must have forgotten about my new part time job. I cannot divulge because I would get fired. Crazy people are fucking crazy.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 16:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:22:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the story
+2 for the Average_Dan pic & Note
+2 for the pin-up
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-28 20:57:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:23:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
You shouldn't have tarnished it with the stink of STP - it's better than that.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:29:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Weird.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:02:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:47:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-29 03:03:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-29 01:51:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
drunk +2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-12-28 20:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:23:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
You shouldn't have tarnished it with the stink of STP - it's better than that.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-12-28 20:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha...excellent!
The Average_Dan mocking always gets me.
Submitted by Clark_Kent (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:50:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Same thing happened here http://www.ubersite.com/m/81643
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:31:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:27:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
try working with crazy people...
--------
Try working for my boss. You've experienced the she beast, you cannot compare to this and you know it. My job is infinitely worse than yours, crapping children and all.
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
try working with crazy people...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Me too. This was maybe the fifth thing that google spit back when I entered "whore". The others would have warranted a nsfw tag. I didn't even think to search on pin-ups, and that was the kind of image I was looking for.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-12-28 18:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking love pinup art.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a +1 until I realized I missed Average Dan as well. He apparently was the only other bald guy on this site.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks to the picture of that tawdry whore I just shot a load all over Average_Dan's smooth, forgiving head.
+2 for making me a few ounces lighter.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:31:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole thing made me giggly, but the cam whore gets a figurative +10.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks O-man. I tend to agree with Teeph about the story, though he forgot to put the minus sign in front of its ranking. I just couldn't get the story to the place where I wanted it to be, so...SPT.
I expected a flaming for this.
Shlongy, where are you?
Nerfherder? Your least favorite combination of three letters has arrived.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wherefore art thou, Average Baldy?
I loved, loved loved the graphic portion of this post. @buttsecks.com is a great email domain name.
I liked the tale, and how it was written.
You shouldn't have tarnished it with the stink of STP - it's better than that.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the story
+2 for the Average_Dan pic & Note
+2 for the pin-up
_____
+2
Uber maths are weird.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a pretty eccentric looking cam.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-12-28 17:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think I'm losing my mind. I need to have a really long vacation with fruity rum drinks in coconut shells with a little umbrella stuck in them. And lots of naked island girls. Yeah....